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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 398882" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>That's the social side of the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). You'v e reminded me - when difficult child 3 was learning to talk, we had a lot of trouble with him understanding me vs you. For example, you say to the child, "Do you want a drink?" and he would interpret the "you" as meaning me. I read a short piece in the paper over the weekend where a mother was replying in the letters section to criticism of mothers who refer to themselves or their children in the first person as in, "Mummy doesn't like it when Johnny does that," where the writer was pointing out this very problem - little children (especially those with social or language issues) have a lot of difficulty when they first have to wrap their brains around "I/you/me". Using the third person makes your meaning clear, even if it doesn't seem to be progressing the child through learning this.</p><p></p><p>A normal child will progress through this purely by listening and observing normal conversations happening around them. What we had initially with difficult child 3, however, was a seeming total lack of recognition of words as communication. He could mimic words and even recite total slabs of text from his favourite movies, but he would recite everything, including incidental sound effects, with equal value. The words also sounded sort of 'blurred', too, because he did not have meaning.</p><p></p><p>Young children, especially young Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) children, don't understand ambiguity. You need to be very plain and unambiguous in your communication. So sarcasm should be avoided. One of difficult child 3's first teachers used sarcasm a lot, and was not popular with the kids. Or with me - but that's another story! A kid drops a plate of glasses and they shatter - the adult says (sarcastically), "Oh, very well done!" But the context (broken glasses) and the body language/tone of voice implies this was NOT well done. How is the child to respond? Especially a child who is still struggling with the correct way to interact, anyway? And when the child tries to imitate this, it can be disastrous indeed because the social skills lag and actually, it takes good social skills to be able to understand, and then deliver, sarcasm.</p><p></p><p>Ambiguity was a real problem for us. So when giving directions to difficult child 3, we avoided using the word "right" unless we meant "opposite of left". If he got something right we instead said, "correct." We had to be THAT specific!</p><p></p><p>But it has paid off. He also now is getting quite skilled at recognising sarcasm and sometimes even using it. He also, because he remembers large slabs of text, grabs a chuck of text from his memory and uses it in context. This way he often has managed to publicly crack jokes or respond fast with a devastating riposte. It's hilarious, especially given that these kids are much better at keeping a poker face than most.</p><p></p><p>Learning to avoid ambiguity - only when you begin to be vigilant, do you realise how ubiquitous it is. "Hop down from there," does not mean the child hopping on one leg down the ladder. A child who does this, especially with an adult who doesn't realise, can be accused of "being smart". But to the child, this is even more confusing and upsetting, because they were trying to be obedient.</p><p></p><p>The world is a confusing place to any child. But for some children, it is more confusing and more chaotic than for others. And often it is those very children who have the strongest need for order, logic and discipline in their world. and if the world won't give it to then, they will darn well make sure they get it some other way!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 398882, member: 1991"] That's the social side of the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). You'v e reminded me - when difficult child 3 was learning to talk, we had a lot of trouble with him understanding me vs you. For example, you say to the child, "Do you want a drink?" and he would interpret the "you" as meaning me. I read a short piece in the paper over the weekend where a mother was replying in the letters section to criticism of mothers who refer to themselves or their children in the first person as in, "Mummy doesn't like it when Johnny does that," where the writer was pointing out this very problem - little children (especially those with social or language issues) have a lot of difficulty when they first have to wrap their brains around "I/you/me". Using the third person makes your meaning clear, even if it doesn't seem to be progressing the child through learning this. A normal child will progress through this purely by listening and observing normal conversations happening around them. What we had initially with difficult child 3, however, was a seeming total lack of recognition of words as communication. He could mimic words and even recite total slabs of text from his favourite movies, but he would recite everything, including incidental sound effects, with equal value. The words also sounded sort of 'blurred', too, because he did not have meaning. Young children, especially young Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) children, don't understand ambiguity. You need to be very plain and unambiguous in your communication. So sarcasm should be avoided. One of difficult child 3's first teachers used sarcasm a lot, and was not popular with the kids. Or with me - but that's another story! A kid drops a plate of glasses and they shatter - the adult says (sarcastically), "Oh, very well done!" But the context (broken glasses) and the body language/tone of voice implies this was NOT well done. How is the child to respond? Especially a child who is still struggling with the correct way to interact, anyway? And when the child tries to imitate this, it can be disastrous indeed because the social skills lag and actually, it takes good social skills to be able to understand, and then deliver, sarcasm. Ambiguity was a real problem for us. So when giving directions to difficult child 3, we avoided using the word "right" unless we meant "opposite of left". If he got something right we instead said, "correct." We had to be THAT specific! But it has paid off. He also now is getting quite skilled at recognising sarcasm and sometimes even using it. He also, because he remembers large slabs of text, grabs a chuck of text from his memory and uses it in context. This way he often has managed to publicly crack jokes or respond fast with a devastating riposte. It's hilarious, especially given that these kids are much better at keeping a poker face than most. Learning to avoid ambiguity - only when you begin to be vigilant, do you realise how ubiquitous it is. "Hop down from there," does not mean the child hopping on one leg down the ladder. A child who does this, especially with an adult who doesn't realise, can be accused of "being smart". But to the child, this is even more confusing and upsetting, because they were trying to be obedient. The world is a confusing place to any child. But for some children, it is more confusing and more chaotic than for others. And often it is those very children who have the strongest need for order, logic and discipline in their world. and if the world won't give it to then, they will darn well make sure they get it some other way! Marg [/QUOTE]
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