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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 747548" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear CSH:</p><p></p><p>I am so very sorry this is so hard and that it has gone on so long. Honestly. I see some positives in your story. It is a very, very good thing he's in a treatment facility. And it is a very good thing that you allowed him to experience the discomfort and degradation of being homeless without clothes and money.</p><p></p><p>I know how very difficult this is. My 30 year old son has been largely homeless for going on 8 years. He is mentally ill, has made suicidal threats (I'm not sure of attempts, he lies), has had multiple hospitalizations and stays in residential treatment, and drug treatment.</p><p></p><p>I have pushed, pulled, prodded, arranged, motivated, etc. You get the point. Nothing I do helps. But he is learning he really hates to be homeless. He also hates control and rules. So. That's his problem.</p><p></p><p>We have a rental house where he can live, but he has to accept our rules, nagging, and to some extent, expectations. He is on the fence whether it's worth it. He is contemplating returning to the large metro a few hours from here, for the "treatment" amenities, which would include being homeless. He rides the Metro to sleep and sits in the library. Gee.</p><p></p><p>What I'm trying to say, is that he is beginning to understand the drill. If he's in the street, he suffers. If he is in the rental home (where he's living with my boyfriend) he gets nagged to keep things (and himself) clean, and there's an explosion of he uses marijuana on the property or is drugged at the property.</p><p></p><p>That he is staying in this conversation with us is testimony only to how much he is sick of being homeless or living close to the street (ie sleeping in a pickup truck.)</p><p></p><p>This is a process.</p><p></p><p>I think you're doing exactly right. Staying in conversation with your son without helping him to live badly. I know how hard it is to do something, and not too much. I would have helped my son too, had medical issues.</p><p></p><p>If you want tell us a bit more about his mental illness diagnosis, the kind of drugs he's using, and a little about his personality. If you keep posting, over time we'll get a fuller picture, but if you want to tell us more now, please do.</p><p></p><p>Maybe when he gets out of Rehab he will accept going to a longer program such as Salvation Army, which in my area is 6 months. In my town the Rescue Mission has programs and runs sober living homes which are free to indigents. They only have to volunteer. There is a program, etc. When my son lived there, there were a couple of older men who had lived degraded lives for decades--who were in college!! They were marvelous.</p><p></p><p>I think SSI is a mixed bags for people like our sons. Or at least for my son, who got it on his first try. He uses it mainly to buy marijuana. It allows him to maintain a lifestyle that I believe is indolent and non-productive, at best, and to indulge his interest in conspiracy theories.</p><p></p><p>That said, your son can re-apply. There are attorneys and community agencies in my state that will take these appeal cases with no money up front. They receive a certain percentage of the back money, if the case is later accepted.</p><p></p><p>Anyway. Welcome. You're doing great.</p><p></p><p>These past few years I have been meaning to go to Al Anon. People who do this are really helped. I really am going to do it. Maybe you'd get support from Al Anon too. We learn to live centered in ourselves, rather than in our children who are "out there." Too much and for too long, we live on the edge with them, without any power, and we neglect ourselves, and lose ourselves. Al Anon helps us turn this around.</p><p></p><p>Take care.</p><p></p><p>Oh. I just saw his diagnosis of bi-polar in your signature. The thing with this, is depending upon his drug use, kinds and quantity and history, it's hard to really know about these diagnoses. It's a chicken and egg thing. Did he self-medicate to deal with the mental illness, or did the drug create the illness? That's probably why the government didn't approve the SSI. My son was drug exposed and institutionalized as an infant (he's adopted.) So there was a paper trail documenting his early history.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 747548, member: 18958"] Dear CSH: I am so very sorry this is so hard and that it has gone on so long. Honestly. I see some positives in your story. It is a very, very good thing he's in a treatment facility. And it is a very good thing that you allowed him to experience the discomfort and degradation of being homeless without clothes and money. I know how very difficult this is. My 30 year old son has been largely homeless for going on 8 years. He is mentally ill, has made suicidal threats (I'm not sure of attempts, he lies), has had multiple hospitalizations and stays in residential treatment, and drug treatment. I have pushed, pulled, prodded, arranged, motivated, etc. You get the point. Nothing I do helps. But he is learning he really hates to be homeless. He also hates control and rules. So. That's his problem. We have a rental house where he can live, but he has to accept our rules, nagging, and to some extent, expectations. He is on the fence whether it's worth it. He is contemplating returning to the large metro a few hours from here, for the "treatment" amenities, which would include being homeless. He rides the Metro to sleep and sits in the library. Gee. What I'm trying to say, is that he is beginning to understand the drill. If he's in the street, he suffers. If he is in the rental home (where he's living with my boyfriend) he gets nagged to keep things (and himself) clean, and there's an explosion of he uses marijuana on the property or is drugged at the property. That he is staying in this conversation with us is testimony only to how much he is sick of being homeless or living close to the street (ie sleeping in a pickup truck.) This is a process. I think you're doing exactly right. Staying in conversation with your son without helping him to live badly. I know how hard it is to do something, and not too much. I would have helped my son too, had medical issues. If you want tell us a bit more about his mental illness diagnosis, the kind of drugs he's using, and a little about his personality. If you keep posting, over time we'll get a fuller picture, but if you want to tell us more now, please do. Maybe when he gets out of Rehab he will accept going to a longer program such as Salvation Army, which in my area is 6 months. In my town the Rescue Mission has programs and runs sober living homes which are free to indigents. They only have to volunteer. There is a program, etc. When my son lived there, there were a couple of older men who had lived degraded lives for decades--who were in college!! They were marvelous. I think SSI is a mixed bags for people like our sons. Or at least for my son, who got it on his first try. He uses it mainly to buy marijuana. It allows him to maintain a lifestyle that I believe is indolent and non-productive, at best, and to indulge his interest in conspiracy theories. That said, your son can re-apply. There are attorneys and community agencies in my state that will take these appeal cases with no money up front. They receive a certain percentage of the back money, if the case is later accepted. Anyway. Welcome. You're doing great. These past few years I have been meaning to go to Al Anon. People who do this are really helped. I really am going to do it. Maybe you'd get support from Al Anon too. We learn to live centered in ourselves, rather than in our children who are "out there." Too much and for too long, we live on the edge with them, without any power, and we neglect ourselves, and lose ourselves. Al Anon helps us turn this around. Take care. Oh. I just saw his diagnosis of bi-polar in your signature. The thing with this, is depending upon his drug use, kinds and quantity and history, it's hard to really know about these diagnoses. It's a chicken and egg thing. Did he self-medicate to deal with the mental illness, or did the drug create the illness? That's probably why the government didn't approve the SSI. My son was drug exposed and institutionalized as an infant (he's adopted.) So there was a paper trail documenting his early history. [/QUOTE]
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