Hi, I just found you! Introduction

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Indianamomof4, Sep 10, 2007.

  1. Indianamomof4

    Indianamomof4 New Member

    <span style="color: #6633FF"> </span> My significant other found this website and sent it to me. Wow, I can't wait to dig in and read about all of you to see if I might find some answers.

    I'm a divorce mom of 4, live with my significant other, have a pretty content life. I work full time for a university, teach for them part time, and am finishing up doctoral classes for my Ph.D. in education.

    My kids are pretty typical, but my 8 year old is, well, I am not too sure what to say about him right now. He's been challenging from the moment he exited the womb. I'm searching for help with him as my ex husband thinks he may not have ADHD. I think he does, and may even suffer from ODD. The problem is that he's almost solely ODD with me. I try so hard to work with him. He cannot take any stimulant medications, as they make him act psychotic and cause him not to eat. He's currently on Straterra, 25mg. I don't see a huge difference in his ability to calm down and focus, but it's helping slightly. My exdh wants a re-evaluation from another pediatrician.

    I'm trying different things with him, but most have not worked at all. Things he does:

    1. Freaks out when things don't fit/feel right. Can't wear long sleeves, or some textures. Has issues with clothes fitting "just right" and feeling "just right".

    2. Reacts quickly and excessively when he is upset, hurt, etc. and does not behave "normally" in social situations if he is not happy.

    3. Refuses to do what I ask of him most times, regardless of the consequence he might face.

    4. Has tantrums unexpectedly and randomly. We all walk on egg shells most days as we don't know what will set him off.

    5. His older brother antagonizes it and makes it much worse than it has to be :frown:

    6. He always says he's ugly, that no one likes him, that I don't like him as much as the other kids.

    7. He is distructive and incredibly impulsive.

    That's just a list I came up with quickly. He is seeing a psychiatrist twice a month, but so far I see little improvement in his behavior. We actually had a great morning for the first time in a long time, so I'm feeling good. What was different is that he asked to be released from his punishment of no playing with his friend in the neighborhood and no videogames. He's been punished for almost two weeks. I told him he would get them back if he makes better choices. I reminded him when he asked last night that he would have to prove to me today that he could make the right choices about how he acts both at home and at school. I kept reminding him when I asked him to brush his teeth/get dressed/ get out of bed, etc. It worked. Today... :whew:
     
  2. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Welcome from another Hoosier.....My difficult child brought me to this site many years ago. He was diagnosed ADD and possibly bi-polar, but that was back in the "dark ages". He also wore clothes by feel and most winters would not wear a coat to school, just short sleeves. I would feel his shirts before I bought any, he didn't care what color or logo, just had to be soft....so I would check out what he likes and as long as he doesn't have to wear a uniform to school would try to accomodate that one....just not worth the battle.....

    My son was on ritalin which worked for awhile, then the changes of puberty hit and we tried many different medications.

    Others will be along to give you more helpful info....

    As for ex wanting a second pediatrician. I would say when do you want to take him (as long as you are on speaking terms and he isn't abusive)?
     
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome!!

    Have you ever heard of Sensory Integration Disorder? The 'feeling right' of the clothes is common with it. My difficult child cut everyone of her shirts, leaving holes in them to get the tags out. Every new shirt that came through the wash would have a hole where the tag was. She never knew how it got there - LOL!

    It can be very frustrating and can cause the feeling of being different - which can cause behavior problems.
     
  4. Indianamomof4

    Indianamomof4 New Member

    Yes, I think he will need to take him. We're on speaking terms, but we're definitely not friends. I already called one doctor and the doctor said he did not want to give "a second opinion". I should ask dex to make an appointment. where he lives and take him over there.

    Yes, I do make adjustments. I've given up on buying long sleeved anything and he does make a complete nightmare out of the first coat-wearing weather as he HATES them. I also do not buy but maybe one or two pairs of jeans as he doesn't like them unless they fit what he feels is "perfectly". And, yes, I only buy cotton, anything else is a no-go.
     
  5. Indianamomof4

    Indianamomof4 New Member

    Yes, his psychiatrist has mentioned it to me, but I think is holding of a diagnosis until he knows more. I have heard of it, but haven't ready a great deal about it.
     
  6. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Hi Indianamomof4

    I know the "just right" problems also.

    It does sound as if your child needs an evaluation for Sensory Integration Disorder. This is done by a Pediatric Occupational Therapist but you need to make sure the evaluator also has experience in Sensory Integration Disorder (SID). It's been a good while since we went through this particular evaluation process, but it use to be that the gold standard was SIPT testing.

    The good news is that there is therapy for Sensory Integration Disorder (SID). It helped my son immensely. It use to require 30 minutes to get socks on "just right," tags aggravated him, wearing long-sleeve shirts in 98 degree weather, and on and on.

    A good book on Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) is "The Out-of-Sync Child" by Kranowitz.

    It's not uncommon for Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) or fine/gross motor skill delays to accompany ADHD as co-existing disorders. Actually, a lot of things can be co-morbid with ADHD. You might want to check into getting a Multidisciplinary Evaluation performed -- see FAQ/ Board Help forum for more info.

    There's also info on Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) and fine/gross motors skills in the archive forums.

    Welcome!
     
  7. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I just wanted to welcome you too. My first impression is the same as Busywend's - Sensory Integration Disorder. difficult child 2 had major problems with clothing, water temp, outside temp, food textures, etc. when he was younger. He received lots of Occupational Therapist (OT) for years!!! It has helped him.

    Of course I have absolutely no medical training - I'm just the mom of 2 difficult children. It's good that your son is seeing a psychiatrist.

    Well, just looked at the time - Got to run. I have to pick up my difficult children at school.

    Looking forward to getting to know you. WFEN
     
  8. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    Welcome to the board! I have a few in the house who have clothing problems, but no diagnosis of Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) yet. If it were me, I'd welcome a 2nd opinion until you truly felt the diagnosis was accurate for your son. Once you read more about different DXs you'll be able to tell if the DXs seem accurate, you know your son best!
     
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome.
    I would have him evaluated by a neuropsychologist to see if he agrees with the Psychiatrist. neuropsychologist testing is far more intensive than what Psychiatrists do, which is basically talk to them, talk to you, and diagnose. He could have something going on that you haven't thought of.
    Does your child have any psychiatric or neurological problems on either side of the family tree? Any substance abuse? Was he development on time? Speech problems? Does he know how to interact with other people?
    This is a really good place to post.
     
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome to the board!

    I also second, third or 15th a second opinion on his issues. If you can ask his regular pediatrician for a referral to a childrens hospital for a thorough work up you would be ahead of the game.

    Some parents have had much luck with ordering clothes from places like Lands End or I think The Childrens Place because they are extremely soft and no tags. Also Hanes has no tags. (Im wondering if Micheal Jordan has SIDS...lol)

    If you do a separate post about clothing for sensitive kids people will give you ideas.
     
  11. Indianamomof4

    Indianamomof4 New Member

    Hmm... I never even thought of having neuropsychological testing. I don't even know what that is.

    Let's see... he was born on time, no real issues during pregnancy or after. He just starting developing odd behaviors at about 2... like not wearing anything but sweat pants, etc.

    Family history.. my mom's nuts. Undiagnosed, but if I were to diagnose her, I'd say bipolar for sure. My father has substance abuse problems as well as my dex's grandmother. Other than that, there are a lot of Learning Disability (LD)'s on my mother's side... dex's sister has ADD, my brother has ADHD.

    I have a pretty normal life... kids never experienced any real trauma but the divorce, but dex and I did not fight in front of them; they were sheltered from that raging storm. They did move a bit more than normal kids, though, and dex did not give them adequate time after the divorce to adjust to it before moving in a new woman & her son into the home. Other than that, pretty normal stuff.

    I'm going to check out the neuro. stuff tomorrow! :smile: Thanks so much for that advice.
     
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Hi Indi,

    It's incredible to me now that my son is 17, all the things that HE tells me he remembered when I thought I had sheltered him...apparently he's not psychic or we'd have our own tv show, but don't ever believe your kids are clueless about situations.

    And as far as divorce? In a child's life that can be one of the most traumatic events ever. Even if Dad is good about visitation and support. It leaves a hole.

    The thing you posted that caught my attention MOST was when you said that irregardless he does not listen to YOU. I used to belive with my son that he didn't listen to me beacause I was the only one that he knew really loved him so he felt he could be "himself" around me and I'd still be there unlike dad who "left". So it fell on me to "take it". This is crap. Get yourself into some parenting classes and individual counseling. If the other kids aren't there too, it's a good idea for everyone to work on problems together.

    I can suggest that in good faith because I do it. It's the ONLY thing in 10 years that I got out of everything else I did. Counseling taught me:

    How to detach and levy consequences and stick to it without feeling guilt.
    How to assert myself without swinging from passive to militant parent and get results.
    How to recognize the fact that genetically yes, his bio father's side of the family is the epitome of dysfunctional and had been for generations.
    How to deal with the fact that my son is a budding sociopath, and let him go. ALL without guilt because I did everything I could to help him.
    And last but not least.
    How to recognize that I am worthy of respect. Knowing what I know now in how to talk and communicate effectively even though my son was fingers in ears going lalalalalal this is me not listening to Mom... I know I got my point across.

    You've landed at a great place with a lot of wisdom. I have Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) myself and thought my whole life I had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Turns out I'm just highly sensitive to some things and now that I know that is what it is? I can cope a lot better, and...(sounding like a broken record) the family therapy helped.

    My son is now 17 and on his own. I am way beyond natural consequences, I learned how to live my life and enjoy it. If difficult child wanted to be part of that equation? Fine!! If not? I'm taking the rest of my family and moving on. He can either catch up or do it all his way. Either way? I spent my time in counseling preparing myself all 11 years of it.

    Hope this helps...don't take offense

    Hugs
    The Loan Ranger aka
    Star
     
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