GoingNuts, welcome.
You said in one of your earlier posts, "he refused to use a diaper, and of course he also refused to use the potty".
That sounds so much like difficult child 1, as a toddler. It put him in a quandary - if he wouldn't use a potty, and wouldn't put it in his nappy - then where was it to go?
It took a few months plus his grandfather literally bullying the **** out of him on our weekly visits, before difficult child 1 learned that it was OK to use the potty.
With difficult child 3, his delayed language plus delayed toilet training led to some interesting things. it was as if he was late in recognising anything about the world. For example, a 'normal' child grows up with some understanding of Christmas and birthdays form such an early stage, that we usually don't get to really participate in the joy of this discovery, and wonder. But with difficult child 3 - he was 6 years old before he really "got" birthdays. It was as early as that, because his birthday happens to fall on one of our biggest national holidays, and we were in the heart of Sydney for the day because his older siblings were involved in a school performance. Everywhere we went there were balloons, streamers, fun things to do. We told difficult child 3, "All of Sydney says, 'Happy Birthday, difficult child 3!'" He spent the rest of the day saying to everyone we met, "Today is my birthday!" and pointing to every balloon and streamer and saying, "Happy Birthday, me!"
With bodily functions -I remember one hilarious morning when I heard difficult child 3 get out of bed and head for the toilet, shut the door after him (our boys are well-trained, they even put the seat and lid back down when they're done) and as I heard a sound like Niagara falls, I heard him say exasperatedly, "EVERY MORNING there's wee!"
At some level in his brain, he seemed to think that bodily excretion was something he would grow out of eventually.
With Asperger's (or other form of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)), they form their own mental rules about the world and how it functions. Everything can be so confusing for them, that they need to do this to try to make sense of it all. And while their rules can be very accurate, they're not always. When they meet a situation where their rules don't fit a situation or don't make sense, they get upset and/or angry.
I'm with the others - I see Asperger's in your son. Mind you, it could be something else. Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) comes in a number of similar forms and really should be professionally assessed. We can't diagnose it ourselves, you need to get him a thorough, detailed assessment.
For an advance peek though, go to
www.childbrain.com and look for the online Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire. Again, you can't use this to diagnose, but you CAN print out the result (even if he scores as"no Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)") and take it to the doctor or whoever, for their opinion.
Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) can be good news. ANYTHING that can give you a logical explanation for why your son seems so oppositional, can be good news because it can also bring some ways to deal with this more painlessly.
We also found "Explosive Child" made a huge difference to us.
Marg