Hi I'm new here

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by goingnuts, Aug 25, 2008.

  1. goingnuts

    goingnuts New Member

    Hello everybody. I just found this group while searching for answers. My youngest (almost 15) has all the symptoms for ODD. Am I in the right place? Sometimes I think I will completely go nuts when I'm with him. Sometimes I just think he is acting like a teenager and he will outgrow it. He has been going to therapy for almost 2 yrs now, but I am not sure his therapist is treating him for the correct disorder. Searching for his symptoms I discovered he may have ODD, but I am not sure. I feel so lost and lonely... Thanks for reading. I know this group will help because I belong in another group like this for LongQT (heart disorder) and this group has really helped me cope with this disorder.
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Welcome to the group - it's a great crowd of people here and we all gain support from one another!

    A few questions-

    What's his formal diagnosis?
    Who diagnosed him (psychiatrist, therapist, gp?)?
    How old was he when you noticed problems?
    What problems are going on?

    I'd recommend that you do a signature like mine on the bottom so that people can get to know you - it helps for those of us who feel like they're working with only one or two brain cells.

    I'd also recommend that if you suspect ODD, pick up Ross Greene's "The Explosive Child". It's a decent read, without a lot of technical jargon, and it gives some real insights as to how your son probably views the world.

    Again, welcome to the crowd!

  3. So Tired

    So Tired Member

    Welcome to our little dysfunctional corner of the world!

    If you read over the posts you will find you are certainly not alone. I have found much support and strength here and I hope you do also.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there and welcome. I have a few questions.

    1/Has he ever had genetics testing?

    2/Who diagnosed him or what sort of therapist is seeing him? Has he ever had a complete evaluation--top to toe (in a psychiatric/neurological sense) by a neuropsychologist? ODD rarely stands alone. Some of us believe it never does, although almost all of our kids meet the entire criteria for ODD. There is usually something else fueling the ODD behavior.

    3/How was his early development--speech, eye contact, peer interaction, imaginative play, potty, small/large motor skills, school success, any strange behaviors such as arm flapping, head banging, echoing words, making high pitched or strange noises?

    4/Any psychiatric problems on either side of his genetic family tree? Any substance abuse?

    If you answer, we can help you more. Nice to "meet" you!
  5. goingnuts

    goingnuts New Member

    Thanks for all the welcoming messages!! =) It sure feels so good just to know I am not alone... Here is the story: I have a 23 yr girl, a 21 yr boy and my so complicated 15 yr old.
    My son was a very quiet and happy baby. He learned to talk and walk very early compared to others his age and to his 2 older brothers. Potty training was another issue. Once he learned he had a voice, he refused to use a diaper, and of course he also refused to use the potty. He was a charming 2 year old an my nightmare was just beggining.
    He adored his older (6 years his senior) brother until suddenly one day when he was about 8 he decided he didn't like his brother so much any more, with no apparent reason. As he grew older his relationship with his brother and sister deteriorated. It went downhill from there. He has huge reactions to small problems or annoyances.
    He has never liked being kissed or hugged.
    He won't listen to sex education and until about six months ago, he would't even watch a kiss scene on a movie. If I wasn't with him all the time (except for school) I would have suspected sexual abuse.
    He is a straight A student and very responsible in school.
    He is very intellectual, has a high IQ, but his motor skills are not so good. For example, his handwriting is terrible, he had difficulty learning to catch a ball. In the IQ test he did great except for the part of social skills.
    He never liked playing with toys, he would rather read or watch TV or play video games. Even now when all the kids go to recess he stays in the classroom doing his homework.
    Never made strange noices nor rocking movements.
    No genetic testing. I live in Mexico and any psychiatric evaluation has to be payed by the family.
    He is going with a psycologist and he said at first thet he didn't want to "tag" him by naming a disorder, but finaly said he has obsesive-compulsive disorder (I am not so sure now this is accurate) He goes once a week. I think he is tricking the psychologist (he can be quite charming when he wants to)
    No substance abuse, he won't even have a drink of alcohol.
    No friends. He claims he doesn't want nor need friends.
    He tries (and succeeds) to get on my nerves every single day.
    My husband's twin brother has schitzofrenia.
    He has ALL of the symptoms listed for ODD.
    nvts: how do I add the signature?
    THANKS SO MUCH FOR LISTENING (reading) I hope I didn't make this extra long.
  6. goingnuts

    goingnuts New Member

    PD... next step: Amazon...The Explosive Child
    At least now I know where to begin :tongue:
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I can't diagnose but he has a lot of symptoms of Aspergers Syndrome, often mistaken for ADD or ODD, and usually not caught until the kids are older. No Aspie has ALL the traits, but let me link you up to a few sites you may enjoy reading. My son is on the high end of the spectrum too and it was a real pain figureing him out. Once we did, our family's and son's quality of life skyrocketed.

    You may want your son to see how he answers these questions--and you may want to look into it yourself. Here ya go:

    The Cambridge Lifespan Asperger Syndrome Service(CLASS), an organization in the United Kingdom that works with adults with Asperger's has developed a simple ten question checklist to help with a preliminary self-diagnosis. If you answered “yes” to some or most of these questions, you may decide to find out more.

    • I find social situations confusing.
    • I find it hard to make small talk.
    • I did not enjoy imaginative story-writing at school.
    • I am good at picking up details and facts.
    • I find it hard to work out what other people are thinking and feeling.
    • I can focus on certain things for very long periods.
    • People often say I was rude even when this was not intended.
    • I have unusually strong, narrow interests.
    • I do certain things in an inflexible, repetitive way.
    • I have always had difficulty making friends.
    If you do answer “yes” to many of these questions relative to yourself or a loved one, you may have uncovered an undiagnosed case of Asperger’s Syndrome. For some teens and adults, this is a tremendous relief: it puts a name on a set of issues that has troubled them throughout their lives. And it also opens the door to support, treatment, and community. But there is no obligation to do anything at all about Asperger’s Syndrome. In fact, many adults feel that being an “aspie” is a point of pride. They are unique, often successful individuals who are simply … themselves!

    http://www.wrongplanet.net/ (an Aspergers forum)
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2008
  8. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I second the motion MidWest Mom! The add'l info that Goingnuts provided almost (if it wasn't so sad and frustrating!) laugh, because it sounds just like my house!

    I'd definately focus my attention on exploring the whole Aspie mode! The good thing is if it is Asperger's, there are tons of different ways to approach it and many manage to work with it!

    We're here for you GoingNuts!

  9. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Hello GoingNuts,

    I just wanted to say "welcome" to you, and tell you that you have definitely found "a soft place to land" -- this is the most wonderful group of people and you are most definitely no longer alone. So welcome to the "family," take a seat and feel at home.

    Love, Esther
  10. luvmyottb

    luvmyottb Guest

    Welcome to the board. Wonderful people with lots of great advice and direction for you. As I read your post, I would also tend to believe your difficult child has lots of Aspergers characteristics. A neuropsychologist evaluation could verify what is going on with your child. You are not alone.
  11. goingnuts

    goingnuts New Member

    Thanks again for your kind words... all of you.
    I will look into Aspergers... should I be more scared? Maybe not, as long as I find out what is going on, this is the first step for solving the problem.
    Great group!!
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Aspergers has a much better prognosis than mental illness and can be helped A LOT. No, don't be scared.
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi GoingNuts.
    No, don't be worried about Asperger's. It's just a definition. Definitely better than mental illness, in my book anyway. The symptoms often come off as ODD, and with-your son's unwillingness to "play" or make friends, and his good grades in school, that seems like an easy definition. It's hard to tell over a bb but it's a start.
    I agree with-what everyone else has said here.
    Hey, if my son ends up with-an Aspie diagnosis, I'll be relieved!

    Here's some iced tea and a lawn chair. Take a break with-us :)
  14. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    Just a really important heads up if you are going to pursue psychiatric treatment for him: Many of the antipsychotics which are normally prescribed to mellow kids out have warnings that they should not be taken by people with LongQ-T. Hmmm, just found this list and noticed a lot of the antidepressants are on it too.... Be careful.

  15. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Hello goingnuts and welcome.

    Everyone else beat me to it. I was also going to say that from your description, your son sounds like an Aspie. Others have provided you with some great research and starting points.

    And yes, the prognosis is very good for people on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) spectrum.

    I also second Beth's suggestion that you create a signature file. It will help us to keep your family details straight and save you the trouble of listing them every time you post.

    You have found a "soft place to land". Glad you found us.

  16. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    GoingNuts, welcome.

    You said in one of your earlier posts, "he refused to use a diaper, and of course he also refused to use the potty".

    That sounds so much like difficult child 1, as a toddler. It put him in a quandary - if he wouldn't use a potty, and wouldn't put it in his nappy - then where was it to go?

    It took a few months plus his grandfather literally bullying the **** out of him on our weekly visits, before difficult child 1 learned that it was OK to use the potty.

    With difficult child 3, his delayed language plus delayed toilet training led to some interesting things. it was as if he was late in recognising anything about the world. For example, a 'normal' child grows up with some understanding of Christmas and birthdays form such an early stage, that we usually don't get to really participate in the joy of this discovery, and wonder. But with difficult child 3 - he was 6 years old before he really "got" birthdays. It was as early as that, because his birthday happens to fall on one of our biggest national holidays, and we were in the heart of Sydney for the day because his older siblings were involved in a school performance. Everywhere we went there were balloons, streamers, fun things to do. We told difficult child 3, "All of Sydney says, 'Happy Birthday, difficult child 3!'" He spent the rest of the day saying to everyone we met, "Today is my birthday!" and pointing to every balloon and streamer and saying, "Happy Birthday, me!"

    With bodily functions -I remember one hilarious morning when I heard difficult child 3 get out of bed and head for the toilet, shut the door after him (our boys are well-trained, they even put the seat and lid back down when they're done) and as I heard a sound like Niagara falls, I heard him say exasperatedly, "EVERY MORNING there's wee!"

    At some level in his brain, he seemed to think that bodily excretion was something he would grow out of eventually.

    With Asperger's (or other form of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)), they form their own mental rules about the world and how it functions. Everything can be so confusing for them, that they need to do this to try to make sense of it all. And while their rules can be very accurate, they're not always. When they meet a situation where their rules don't fit a situation or don't make sense, they get upset and/or angry.

    I'm with the others - I see Asperger's in your son. Mind you, it could be something else. Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) comes in a number of similar forms and really should be professionally assessed. We can't diagnose it ourselves, you need to get him a thorough, detailed assessment.

    For an advance peek though, go to www.childbrain.com and look for the online Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire. Again, you can't use this to diagnose, but you CAN print out the result (even if he scores as"no Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)") and take it to the doctor or whoever, for their opinion.

    Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) can be good news. ANYTHING that can give you a logical explanation for why your son seems so oppositional, can be good news because it can also bring some ways to deal with this more painlessly.

    We also found "Explosive Child" made a huge difference to us.