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<blockquote data-quote="Kat Serene" data-source="post: 412294" data-attributes="member: 11343"><p>I have tried taking privileges away, grounding and she does not have access to the cottage without at least 1 parent present. but we cant follow her 24/7. when she is dropped off at school, that's where we expect her to be - not skipping. she thinks i am too strict and that she does what every other teen does. i'm not so sure. part of the problem is that i am the disciplinarian and believe trust is earned. her dad and i differ on that and that is a large part of the problem i know. he generally gives her the benefit of the doubt so she has now gravitated to him as an ally. this would be a good thing i suppose but for the fact that in his effort not to alienate her he comes off as wishy washy. another problem is that a 16 year old here has the right to leave home and live wherever they want so she uses that to blackmail because she knows i would rather have her home than wandering from house to house or worse - on the streets. making her world very small would be a challenge at best because she goes into rages and has gotten violent with us. when we have defended ourselves, she has accused us of pushing her. i have threatened to have her charged with assault if she became violent with either of us again.</p><p></p><p>when she was about 5 she was sexually assaulted by 3 of her same age/gender friends at school/daycare. we had her see a psychologist and the psychologist assessed that she was fine at that time. i did notice an increase in her tendency to be aggressive but for the most part it was rare. however, she did seem to have difficulty maintaining friendship. a few years ago, she had a huge facebook fight with kids she had gone to school with 8 years earlier. one of her former classmates posted individual pictures of each of the kids in that grade 3 class. the comments posted on her picture were particularly mean: what a b**** she was, how mean she was and how they were glad to see her leave the school. i had to intervene and call the kid\s parent and ask that her child remove the picture because it was causing a major problem. we had to physically restrain her from doing physical harm to property and were accused of physical abuse in the meantime.</p><p></p><p>a few years ago, she had a falling out with her best friend and it cost us the friendship of the parents also. the issue was drinking. apparently the kids had gone to our cottage to watch a movie and she drank beer. she said she had taken an open can from the counter and was pretending. it was the first time and so we opted to believe her and we didnt have any further reason to doubt until about a year ago. she reconciled with this friend for about a year but it was never the same and they are now no longer friends. we tried counselling again but stopped because she refused to participate and was belligerent. the problem is that while those kinds of outbursts were sporadic, since october 2010, they have become almost an everyday occurence. we are scheduled to meet with a counsellor in early april as a family but god only knows how that will go. i guess you could say there were periodic signs of what was to come but it was once in a blue moon and we chalked it up to phases.</p><p></p><p>i love her with all my heart but i really dont like her. she loves to tease and pester and annoy people for the sport of it, but try teasing her. she will comment on other girls being "sluts" or getting drunk or being "wastes" because they smoke weed but when she does anything of the sort then it seems to be ok. its like she believes its ok for her but not others - do as i say, not as i do comes to mind.</p><p></p><p>my father as well as her dad's mum were alcoholics. neither of us are. we mostly abstain although my husband will have a beer with dinner. she appears to be a binge drinker so i am very concerned where that will lead. the statistics are not promising. she has not had any assessments although i believe that is part of what will happen in april. i just feel like we are so lost to each other that finding our way back is a near impossibility. i am a very strong person and have overcome a lot of adversity to become successful. but she has totally broken me. i am weary of the fighting and battling. she is becoming what i dreaded most and i feel powerless to stop the trainwreck that will be me and her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kat Serene, post: 412294, member: 11343"] I have tried taking privileges away, grounding and she does not have access to the cottage without at least 1 parent present. but we cant follow her 24/7. when she is dropped off at school, that's where we expect her to be - not skipping. she thinks i am too strict and that she does what every other teen does. i'm not so sure. part of the problem is that i am the disciplinarian and believe trust is earned. her dad and i differ on that and that is a large part of the problem i know. he generally gives her the benefit of the doubt so she has now gravitated to him as an ally. this would be a good thing i suppose but for the fact that in his effort not to alienate her he comes off as wishy washy. another problem is that a 16 year old here has the right to leave home and live wherever they want so she uses that to blackmail because she knows i would rather have her home than wandering from house to house or worse - on the streets. making her world very small would be a challenge at best because she goes into rages and has gotten violent with us. when we have defended ourselves, she has accused us of pushing her. i have threatened to have her charged with assault if she became violent with either of us again. when she was about 5 she was sexually assaulted by 3 of her same age/gender friends at school/daycare. we had her see a psychologist and the psychologist assessed that she was fine at that time. i did notice an increase in her tendency to be aggressive but for the most part it was rare. however, she did seem to have difficulty maintaining friendship. a few years ago, she had a huge facebook fight with kids she had gone to school with 8 years earlier. one of her former classmates posted individual pictures of each of the kids in that grade 3 class. the comments posted on her picture were particularly mean: what a b**** she was, how mean she was and how they were glad to see her leave the school. i had to intervene and call the kid\s parent and ask that her child remove the picture because it was causing a major problem. we had to physically restrain her from doing physical harm to property and were accused of physical abuse in the meantime. a few years ago, she had a falling out with her best friend and it cost us the friendship of the parents also. the issue was drinking. apparently the kids had gone to our cottage to watch a movie and she drank beer. she said she had taken an open can from the counter and was pretending. it was the first time and so we opted to believe her and we didnt have any further reason to doubt until about a year ago. she reconciled with this friend for about a year but it was never the same and they are now no longer friends. we tried counselling again but stopped because she refused to participate and was belligerent. the problem is that while those kinds of outbursts were sporadic, since october 2010, they have become almost an everyday occurence. we are scheduled to meet with a counsellor in early april as a family but god only knows how that will go. i guess you could say there were periodic signs of what was to come but it was once in a blue moon and we chalked it up to phases. i love her with all my heart but i really dont like her. she loves to tease and pester and annoy people for the sport of it, but try teasing her. she will comment on other girls being "sluts" or getting drunk or being "wastes" because they smoke weed but when she does anything of the sort then it seems to be ok. its like she believes its ok for her but not others - do as i say, not as i do comes to mind. my father as well as her dad's mum were alcoholics. neither of us are. we mostly abstain although my husband will have a beer with dinner. she appears to be a binge drinker so i am very concerned where that will lead. the statistics are not promising. she has not had any assessments although i believe that is part of what will happen in april. i just feel like we are so lost to each other that finding our way back is a near impossibility. i am a very strong person and have overcome a lot of adversity to become successful. but she has totally broken me. i am weary of the fighting and battling. she is becoming what i dreaded most and i feel powerless to stop the trainwreck that will be me and her. [/QUOTE]
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