Hi! I'm new to the forum.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by GottaLoveEm!, Aug 10, 2008.

  1. GottaLoveEm!

    GottaLoveEm! Mom of 6

    I'm joining forum to learn coping skills for 9 year old ADHD boy. (Or for me!!)
     
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Gottalovem,
    Welcome-glad you found us-you will find much support here! You are not alone.
     
  3. GottaLoveEm!

    GottaLoveEm! Mom of 6

    Thanks Wiped Out! I'm glad I found you too. Last week I had to have my husband come home to deal with tantrum. (9 year old difficult child). I am hoping I can take a time out here instead and possibly get some new ideas. He's had many diagnosis, but we're mostly dealing with angry outbursts and defiant behavior right now. It intensifies after being disappointed by bio mom. (In jail this week.)
     
  4. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Welcome!! The best coping skill I have found for me is to have a good outlet for stress. I either work out or shoot my bow. Lately it has been working out, and I tend to go untill I almost drop and then shower and feel better.
     
  5. Calgon_Take_Me_Away

    Calgon_Take_Me_Away New Member

    Welcome ~ I'm fairly new here, too, but learning as I go.

    My best coping skill ..... house cleaning lol (maybe it's more of a stress reducer) It could be Tylenol, too.
     
  6. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Hi there! I love your Avatar! So fun and determined!

    What medications are your son on, if any? Some here will know if they increase the negative behavior.

    Do you have an out? A way to leave kids at home and just do your own thing - even once a month? Join a health club, a community organization, take a class, go shopping, gather some friends for a girl's night out to dinner and a movie?
     
  7. GottaLoveEm!

    GottaLoveEm! Mom of 6

    Thanks for the welcome. I DO need an outlet for stress, I'm just so tired at the end of each day!! I am homeschooling difficult child 3 because the alternative is a "special class" that I don't think is appropriate. I am hoping we can integrate back into school once we get medications figured out. I also have a feeling that he needs the one-on-one attention due to abandonment/instability of bio mom. Thoughts anyone?
     
  8. GottaLoveEm!

    GottaLoveEm! Mom of 6

    Adrianne,
    Thanks for your reply! He has been diagnosis ADHD since about 3 years old, with most effective reported Rx being Adderall 15mg am and 10 mg pm. He was recently (before coming to my home) in Residential and D/C all medications and started on Abilify (Which did NOTHING for him) due to family history of bi-polar. Now he is being re-evaluated by new doctor, and back to Adderall, but XR this time-gradually increasing probably to 20 mg, with Clonidine to help with symptoms of Adderall.

    Oh, I am active in church and have a "Ladies Lunch" with friends once a month. The Summer has really cut into my own time this year and I'm hoping when school starts it's a little less stressful. (Probably wishful thinking!!)
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2008
  9. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Since nights might not work, how about a weekend morning or entire day? Can husband handle the homefront once a month as you find alone time on a Saturday?

    A pampering day - get your hair done, your nails done, a make over and then go shopping for one new outfit? (Maybe a sitter can watch the kids for a dinner with husband?)

    A window shopping day -

    A hobby day - scrapbooking stores often have back rooms that you can work on your pictures.

    A gym day - swimming, workout, etc.

    Garage sales day - might find some inexpensive school clothes for the kids.

    Trip to the library just for complete quiet uninterrupted reading -


    As for one on one time - all kids can use as much as they can - just make sure siblings don't start resenting because they will not understand if they notice he gets more one on one time.
     
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. Welcome.
    Ok...questions.
    Did you adopt this child and, if so, at what age?
    Did his biological mother drink or use drugs (or both) while she was pregnant? Was he abused? Thrown around from person to person? There is something most older adopted kids suffer from--attachment issues. It requires more than medications and is harder to work with than ADHD, but can manifest with or as ADHD.
    Do you know if there are any psychiatric problems on his family tree on either side? These can be inherited so they can give you a clue as to what is going on...(Ok, I just re-read. With the history of bipolar, I think you need to consider he may have THAT. IF so, Adderall will likely make him worse...as will all ADHD medications, including Straterra...)
    What behaviors are you seeing?
    Do you know how his early development was? How is his eye contact, imaginative play, interactive play with peers? Can he transition well? Any sensitivities to sound, light, food, textures? Does he have an odd, repetitive mannerisms or vocalizations, such as high pitched screeches or silly mouth noises? Is he affection, cuddly?
    What type of doctor diagnosed him? Here in the US, NeuroPsychs are very popular (and good) diagnosticians. They test for many long hours and look into everything. I don't know if you have that option in Canada. If so, take it!
    The more you tell us, the more we can help. I'm a layperson, like all of us, but I'm guessing that, with his background, more is going on than ADHD. Are all of your kids adopted? I have adopted four children.
    Welcome aboard! :)
     
  11. GottaLoveEm!

    GottaLoveEm! Mom of 6

    Did you adopt this child and, if so, at what age? Not yet, only been with us for 6 months.
    Did his biological mother drink or use drugs (or both) while she was pregnant? Yes. Was he abused? More neglected and exposed to unhealthy environment than overtly abused. Thrown around from person to person? YES--repeatedly rescued by bio grandma. (saint, but very tired/health issues.) There is something most older adopted kids suffer from--attachment issues. It requires more than medications and is harder to work with than ADHD, but can manifest with or as ADHD. I think it is both. My oldest bio son is ADHD by nature and the similarities are many. There is a real desperate need for attention with difficult child 3 though, and an anxiety that is more than difficult child 1 Bio Son.
    Do you know if there are any psychiatric problems on his family tree on either side? Bi-polar and undiagnosed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)--maybe even schizoaffective disorder. These can be inherited so they can give you a clue as to what is going on...
    What behaviors are you seeing? Mostly angry outbursts at the moment, but he can be charming and endearing and very bright.
    Do you know how his early development was? How is his eye contact, imaginative play, interactive play with peers? Good. Can he transition well? With enough notice... Any sensitivities to sound, light, food, textures? Distracted by noises, etc. Does he have an odd, repetitive mannerisms or vocalizations, such as high pitched screeches or silly mouth noises? No.Is he affection, cuddly? Extremely, at times.

    If I had read his "Case File" I wouldn't have given him a chance, but I met him and sort of fell in love. He's just exhausting at times. His 11 year old brother is an angel, with some anxieties, but they are basicly really good kids.


     
  12. GottaLoveEm!

    GottaLoveEm! Mom of 6

    :DGarage sales day - might find some inexpensive school clothes for the kids.

    Trip to the library just for complete quiet uninterrupted reading -

    THESE THINGS SOUND REALLY FUN! Yes, I am lucky husband is supportive of me....
    As for one on one time - all kids can use as much as they can - just make sure siblings don't start resenting because they will not understand if they notice he gets more one on one time. Actually, when I was deciding to homeschool, part of my reasoning was that I could give difficult child 3 all the attention all day and have time for others later. It doesn't always happen the way I'd like. This year I am participating in Co-op on Wednesdays so someone else can teach him for one day a week. It's all so new to me though, and a little intimidating. Anyone else choose homeschooling as an option? Tips, drawbacks, encouragement??

    By the way, I don't know how these forums work--this is my only one. Do I need to start some of these topics in another way?

    Thanks for your encouragement.
     
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Welcome!! I am glad you found us, but sorry you needed to find us.

    I like your approach to his education - esp as you know the other class is not appropriate for him. At different times and ages we have homeschooled our older 2 children. With the oldest (Wiz) it was for 3rd and 4th grade because his teachers were abusive and drove him to attempt suicide at age 7. wiss the middle child (Jessie) it was 6th and 7th because we learned of a medical condition and had problems with the office not understanding that we couldn't go SEE the specialist every time she was sick.

    I like the approach of trying different educational options for the child based on what HE needs.

    I strongly recommend tapping into a good homeschool network. The co=op sounds like a good start. We were in Cinci, OH and had a wonderful one.

    I would work with the new psychiatrist and do what you can with him. Be aware that ADHD medications often cause cycling in children with bipolar. I think most children are first given the ADHD diagnosis, then other things are found.

    Given his prenatal history of drugs and alcohol exposure, I strongly suggest finding a developmental pediatrician to help figure out what is going on. Often we suggest a multi-disciplinary evaluation to figure things out. These are usually found at children's hospitals or major university hospitals. We got very lucky and found a developmental pediatrician in Oklahoma who does this as part of the process of accepting and evaluating EVERY child in the practice.

    The neuropsychologist recommended by Midwest Mom is also an excellent tool (it was part of our dev pediatrician's process, but this is RARE).

    I wish you much luck, and hope you can make a difference in this child's life.

    We are here for you!

    Susie
     
  14. GottaLoveEm!

    GottaLoveEm! Mom of 6

    You're wonderful Susiestar. Thanks for your encouragement and advice. Hope to talk again soon....

    Strength and peace to all,
    GottaLoveEm!
     
  15. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    You may ask however you want. ;)

    Did you notice the different categories? To make it easier, you may want to keep this question a focus on your difficult child 3 (it deals mostly with difficult child issues) and then start another for yourself in the watercooler?

    You have GOTTA join the water cooler - we have lots of fun over there - we even have cyber parties from time to time. All at the same time of helping each other through serious questions also.

    I still just love your Avatar - I am drawn to it's fun attitude.

    Oh, sometimes having the ages of each child in your signature helps. Some advise would vary based on the age of the child. We don't want to suggest something a 10 - 11 year old would be up to and find it is a 4 -5 year old and very inappropriate. Also helps to know ages of siblings when you journal about them.
     
  16. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Hi GottaLoveEm!

    I could tell you some stories about the impact a bio has on a kid. I'll spare you the details.....

    Very long story short, we ended up giving difficult child control of the situation. If he wanted to meet with her, he set the time (we always met in a public place). If he didn't, we didn't. It is all about difficult child and his needs, not biomom's.

    When contact destabilizes the child, it's definately a problem. Even a telephone call can put the child in a tailspin. It's a long process, but I'd try to put distance between your difficult child and the bioparent.

    Welcome aboard.:D
     
  17. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Welcome to the forum! Do join us in the Watercooler, as Adrianne suggested.

    And your avatar rocks. I love Bloo!
     
  18. GottaLoveEm!

    GottaLoveEm! Mom of 6

    THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! I anticipate enjoying your wisdom. It is nice to have a place where people understand....
     
  19. GottaLoveEm!

    GottaLoveEm! Mom of 6

    Thanks Sheila! Sounds like you can really relate to the bio mom issues. Tailspin is a good word to describe the effects....
     
  20. GottaLoveEm!

    GottaLoveEm! Mom of 6

    Thank you for your help and suggestions. My 18 year old is "counting the days" too--I can relate! Glad you like my avatar...Hope to talk again later!
     
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