Jena, my motto in life, especially living with my weird disability - "Do what you can with what you've got."
At one stage I was daydreaming about going on a long, sponsored trek, a fundraising trip. I would need to rest a lot, it would take a lot longer for me to walk the necessary route. I'd probably need to load my gear into a shopping trolley because there is no way I could carry it; I tend to use shopping trolleys like a walking frame.
With your gait - get yourself assessed by a physiotherapist if you can. I found that my legs would threaten to buckle under me, so in order to prevent this I developed a sort of stiff-kneed rapid shuffle. My specialist noted this and told me I had to use a walking stick or more, in order to be able to reduce the jarring on my hips. "You'll be crippled by the time you're fifty," he told me.
I laughed and said, "Too late! I'm already crippled," and he said, "I meant crippled with osteoarthritis, on top of everything else."
Cutting a long story short, I tried a walking stick for a while but found my arms would not hold me up, just as my legs would buckle at the knees, my arms would buckle at the elbow. So I hunted around and found canada crutches - double-ajustable, so I could have the cuff above my elbow and thereby keep my arm reinforced. I used two to begin with, but quickly moved back to just one in most circumstances. Now the interesting thing - once I started using the crutches, I found I was walking more naturally, no longer needing to stiffen my knees. The stick gave me stability. And for me as well as my doctor, having me walk more normally was the goal. If it took a canada crutch or two to do it, so be it.
A few years later husband & I took our three eldest kids (it was before we had difficult child 3) to Europe. It was a necessary trip for family, I did not know how I would manage. I figured that even if all I did was get myself there and had to stay in the hotel room most of the time, at least I would be there to mind the kids, especially the littlest (she was not quite 4 years old). But in the months leading up to the trip, I began to walk. I walked with one crutch, I walked around the block. If I got tired, I would sit in the gutter. I didn't care what people thought. As a result, I was as fit as I could be before we left, but more importantly, I had a good idea of my fatigue levels and how my body responded. I knew my recovery times and learned how far I could push myself, and when I needed to say, "Enough!" and stop.
In Europe - I was able to do more than I had expected to, but I was not able to do everything. I used both crutches a lot of the time especially on uneven ground. You walk like you're a tripod - always three points in contact with the ground. Two legs and one stick, or one leg and two sticks (as you take a step). You can check out my photos on FB - look for the ones from easy child's wedding. One stick. And yes, I was wearing high heels. Not recommended, but hey, it was my daughter's wedding! I openly admit, I took them off minutes as we went in to the reception. I had another pair of flat shoes to wear, and I even ended up kicking them off!
Back to Europe - the tripod method helped me around some of the most spectacular ruins around Greece. I got to the top of the Acropolis and walked around the Parthenon (two sticks to get up there and definitely two sticks to get down again). I stayed on the bus for other sites. I did not venture too far at Mycenae, the path was slippery, uneven marble on a steep slope. But I did walk through the Lion Gate! At Delphi, I did not reach the top. I knew I had done my utmost and had already seen a great deal I loved. I saved my energy so I could visit the shrine of the oracle and drink from the magic stream (it is supposed to have healing properties - hey, I was thirsty!).
My legs felt like jelly a lot of the time, my pain levels were up, but my exhilaration couldn't be matched. When I look back at all that I did, I am so glad I pushed myself. But without crutches, I would never have managed. In between the historic sites we were on a bus, being thrown around sharp corners and across steep ravines. The European siesta was another wonderful way for me to recover enough energy to keep going.
I'm not suggesting you need to use canada crutches like me - you find what works for you. But use aids where they can help you be as normal as possible. Denial is not healthy; it is better to embrace disability in order to step back towards capability.
mother in law is these days quite hampered by her arthritis, weak muscles and old age. But she is very resistant to using supports and aids. She complains about being house bound, but refuses to use a mobility scooter (which I have used for over 12 years). I used to feel very self-conscious about using my crutches around her, but the doctors had ordered me to. Using my mobility scooter around her used to be a problem. She now sees me zip around between my place and hers, on my scooter. I use it to go for a walk (or scoot). I use it because it gets me to where I need to go, and when I get there I have the energy I need to get out and walk, and do stuff. I also carry stuff on it. I can walk to her house, it is close enough for me, but if I have a pot of stew to carry, then I put it on the floor of my scooter.
I do what I can with what I have got. And over the years I have needed to replace my canada crutches, when they are getting old and decrepit (like me). I now have five of them! Two of them are my originals, the ones that took me around Europe. I am sentimentally attached to them, but they often get borrowed by friends with a sprained ankle or whatever. Two were ones a friend bought when she had a knee replacement. She then sold them to me for half price and we both got a good deal. And the fifth - another friend who only needed one canada crutch, found that they only can be bought in pairs. So we split the difference and took one each.
If you can use a walking stick, you may find it is easier. Be careful to begin with - your hand and arm will get a lot more tired, there is always a price to pay. But you will adapt and develop your own energy-saving methods.
If you begin now, to walk as much as you can get away with, every day, you will be in the best condition to assess whether to go ahead or not.
The thing is, you could put your life on hold while you wait to go into remission, or to improve. But life continues to roll on for other people, and if you do that you will get left behind. Or you could choose to live life as best you can, do as much as you can, and even if you feel weak and wobbly, you will at least still be part of the action!
Marg