Hi. New here and totally overwhelmed.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jensbee, Feb 28, 2011.

  1. Jensbee

    Jensbee New Member

    I'm glad i found this place. My son is 11 and i feel totally overwhelmed. He has been expelled multiple schools. I can't hold a job due to his behavior because no friends/relatives can handle him. He's sooo angry I have no idea how to help him. I'm a recovering addict (been sober 4 years) and I know my past using was tramatic for him. Feel horrible and have tons of regrets but today is today and I'm commited to helping him so he can have a good future but I just feel so helpless. I try and talk with him and figure out his feelings and he never lets me in. Just gets mad and says everything is BS. In the process of attending a new school and if this one doesn't work out I have no idea what are options are. He's very smart but behind in grades due to all his behaviorial issues. Everyone tells me that all he needs is consistancy and disipline and that a child is a reflection of a parent. But have tried all the strategies the doctors have recomended... and taking a weekly parenting class. Sometimes afraid to confront him because it will just mean a huge blowout that will go on and on. Single mom for the most part. His father is in his life but only sporadically and when it suits him. Like I said I feel so lost. Thanks for listening and glad I found a place where people might understand.
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Jesbee! Glad you found us but sorry you needed to. You have definitely found a soft place to land where people will understand. I have a few questions that may help us be more able to help you.

    What types of doctors has he seen? Has he been diagnosed with anything? Does he have an IEP to help him in school? Has he ever been evaluated by a neuropsychologist?

    Sorry for all the questions but they will help us to help you more.

    Again, welcome, so glad you found our corner of the world. Hugs.
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Has he been fully assessed? Does he have an IEP? Have you read Ross Greene's "The Explosive Child"? These are just starting places. Welcome, by the way.
  4. kfmewes

    kfmewes New Member

    Hi and welcome! My husband and I are pretty new here too but, we have quickly found that this place is amazing! We also get the bad parent innuendos and it is really frustrating but this site has been a complete safe haven from that. We can actually talk about what is going on and what we have done to try and handle it without any judgment. It's really nice to find a safe place to fall when dealing with so much.
  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Welcome, you aren't alone anymore. I'm going to ask you a question, but please don't assume I'm judging as I applaud your obviously hard-won sobriety. Is it possible that your son had a fetal exposure to drugs or alcohol? If so, it could be that he suffers from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) or Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), both of which can cause extreme behavior issues and even learning disabilities. Also, how was your son's development? Did he hit his milestones on time? Is there any history of mental illness or developmental disability in his family tree?
  6. Jensbee

    Jensbee New Member

    Hi. Thanks so much for the replies. He currently sees our pediatrician and a psychologist (for talk therapy only). The pediatrician diagnosed conduct disorder and adhd after testing. Right now he is taking concerta and zoloft but the dr is thinking about adding a new one called topamax to help with his aggressiveness. Has anyone heard of an 11 yo taking a combo of three medications???

    With this recent school incident he refered us to a pychiatrist but our appointment isn't until april. What is a neuropsychologist?
    Yes he has had an IEP for years now. Currently we are working on getting him into a behavioral school/Special Education school (not residential) but the paperwork and redtape is unbeleivable so there will be a wait. I wanted him in this school previously but was told that he didn't need that intensive of a setting and they would not fund it. I argued for it and look where we are now. ugh. Any advice on how to deal with all the runaround and back and forth from parents experienenced in this would be greatly appreciated.

    Thank you all.
  7. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    *points to her siggy*
    Kiddo is 9 and currently on 4 medications.
  8. Jensbee

    Jensbee New Member

    Sorry, meant absolutely no disrespect. my question was just a result of me being completely uneducated about all this stuff. How is she responding to her current treatment/how has it affected her? How long did it take for your doctors to find that combo? Thanks for your helpfulness.
  9. Jensbee

    Jensbee New Member

    Thats ok, its a natural question. No, there wasn't any fetal exposure to alcohol. When I found out I was pregnant, I was taking a prescribed dose of suboxone. Both OB and prescribing doctor said that it would be very dangerous to stop the medication all at once. OB switched me to buprenorphine only and completely weened me off of everything by week ten of pregnancy. At birth he was screened and tested extensively and no adverse problems were found and I took him home from the hospital after two days.

    Our pediatrician has told me that children of mothers who were on a opiate maintainence program throughout their entire pregnancy have a higher likelihood of adhd. When I mention and ask him about this, he tells me that genetics and environment play a much larger role in kids who display this kind of behavior in our case. Except for being socially immature there have been no issues with his development. For the family tree, there is history of mental illness and the peditrician knows this as well. Thanks for the welcome.
  10. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Has he been worse since he started Concerta and Zoloft? Sometimes those medications can increase agitation and aggression rather than calm kids down. Topamax has been shown in clinical trials to be not all that effective in treating aggression. It is far more effective as a migraine preventive and for appetite suppression. Rather than add medications, it would be better to discontinue the offending medications and start with more effective medications. It's not that kids aren't on three medications, but they should be the right medications.

    It's good you're getting in to see a child psychiatrist. Our pediatrician won't prescribe psychiatric medications because he knows it's not his specialty. I personally wouldn't mess around with the medications until you get in to see the psychiatrist.
  11. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    It's still being tinkered. And as she grows and goes through puberty and teens it will be tinkered/adjusted, etc.