Hi, new here. HELP!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gemini13, Oct 1, 2007.

  1. gemini13

    gemini13 New Member


    I am brand new. I found this site after having a HUGE power struggle with my eleven year old daughter. I've been dealing with what I believe to be ODD for several years. I'm at my wit's end, and I'm starting to think that I'm a horrible parent.

    The stress and anxiety this causes me on an almost daily basis is really starting to affect my ability to cope.

    My daughter has been oppositional since she was about five years old. She does not ever listen to what she's told by me. We end up arguing, she argues and purposely defies me at every turn. No amount of punishment makes a dent, she is mean to our animals, and for the most part doesn't care about anything. She refused to go to school today, and I had to physically yank her out of bed and dress her while she kicked and screamed, telling me I was a bi*** and a retard. She is exceptionally smart, and it's heartbreaking to watch her waste her intelligence like this. Instead of using her intelligence for good, she uses it to manipulate, lie, and steal. She says that everyone at school hates her, and I feel that she is partly responsible for this. It's getting harder to have any sympathy for her because she treats me badly.

    I need support and hope to find answers. I can't go on like this much longer.
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I can sooooo relate! I remember being in the depths of despair. I am much stronger and able to handle this type of behavior now. I did have to detach and even move my difficult child to her dad's for one year.

    Has she been evaluated? I would suggest getting her to a neuropsychologist for an evaluation.

    How does she do in school? Academically? Behaviorally?
  3. gemini13

    gemini13 New Member

    Thank you!!

    She has not been officially evaluated, but I suspect that she has inherited some genetic predispositions.

    I am a diagnosed bipolarII, and her father has had some depression and anxiety problems. There is a part of me that believes this is my fault, and unfortunately, I'm fearful about taking her to a doctor because I'm afraid they will blame me for everything. Does that make any sense?

    Academically, her testing is off the charts. She is extremely intelligent, and is advanced in every way. Behaviorally, she is a mess.
  4. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    There is likely more than ODD going on here. What you need to do is to get her to a specialist who will dig deep enough to get to the bottom of whatever issues might be there. I'll second starting with a pediatric neuropsychologist.

    Get yourself a copy of Ross Greene's book "The Explosive Child".
  5. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    I too suggest grabbing the book "The Explosive Child." I also agree that a neuropsychologist evaluation is the best way to begin. Usually ODD does not stand alone. Often times it stems from other diagnosis that aren't treated. Another good read is "The Bipolar Child", I'm sorry, the name of the author escapes me right now. You should be able to check both these books out from the local library.

    My youngest difficult child was diagnosed ODD. I would have agreed with this diagnosis alone until he was diagnosed bipolar and started medications for this. Once he started medications for this, he was a different child. He still has problems, don't get me wrong, but he is much easier to deal with.

    (((hugs))) We are here for you. Welcome to the board.
  6. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    I meant to say something about you being blamed as her parent.

    If you go to a doctor and this is the approach they take, WALK OUT!! I'm not saying that doctors do not do this, because some do. But a good doctor knows better and knows that this is not a product of bad parenting. Don't ever let a doctor tell you this is your fault.

    Getting her help is the best thing you can do for both you and her.
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with ASO! If they can not see that you are a loving, caring parent that is doing whatever it takes - even by just being there - then find a new doctor!

    Hey, we all do the best with what we've got!
  8. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    I agree with the above! I know what it's like living day to day with a difficult child with ODD......HARD! Please don't put the blame on yourself...I've been there, done that....doesn't help. Reaching out for help for support & from the Docs gets ya heading in the right direction!!! My thoughts are with you. I'm new here too & am already finding it to be a great place.
  9. Jessica mom of 2

    Jessica mom of 2 New Member

    Welcome aboard!

    Don't blame yourself!!!

    The only way I would ever say its the parents fault is if they never choose to seek help for there child and let the behavior go on and on and on... Then yes, it is the parents fault they have a hard one to handle. This website is the best and I have gotten alot of help from this website alone!

    Post away!!!!
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Even if she inherited some condition from you (which is very hard to actually prove), it still would NOT be your FAULT. Family history happens to all of us. It is NOT a FAULT issue.

    you obviously love and care for your child. If the doctor says it is your fault, don't pay him. File a complaint.

    You may need to learn some new coping techniques, but hey, so did most of us, and our parents too!

    Sending hugs,

  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I ditto the above responses. Don't let the professionals play the blame game.

    Glad you found us. Welcome to the board. :flower:
  12. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Popping in to offer my welcome.