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<blockquote data-quote="ready2run" data-source="post: 523434" data-attributes="member: 11339"><p>i definitely feel for you!! my step-son came to us quite damaged when he was 2 and since then has caused us to go to hell and back. i have 3 other kids, one mine from a previous relationship and 2 younger kids. my oldest is also autistic but she does not have the violent problems and the angry destructiveness my step son came with. i have been working with him since he came here and he is still a big ball of issues most days. he is 7 now and takes medication to help control the anger, it has helped but he is still much more difficult than an 'average' child. i used to worry alot about how he was affecting my other kids. they learned alot of bad behaviours from him and it is an ongoing struggle. i see a light at the end of that tunnel now though, the other kids being 3 and 5 are able to distinguish now for the most part that their half-brothers behaviour is not the right choice for them and are able to point out when he is 'not thinking right' as we phrase it. i still carry alot of guilt for what they have seen and been through because of this little ones problems and try to block them from seeing it as much as i can. i also make sure they know they can go to their own areas and close the door to get away from him if they feel like it. i made them each a cabin that is their own space to get away. for the longest time we did not allow difficult child to go near any of the other kids unsupervised. this was brought on by him pouring nail polish on my sleeping baby and trying to smother him. yeah, i tried to send him to foster care at that point but they would not take him. that was 3 year ago and we are just now venturing into letting him play unsupervised with the other children for short periods of time if he is in a good place. as for the door issue, why not be honest with the landlord and tell him what has happened to the kids in the past and why you want to take the doors off. offer to give him the doors to store, it is not difficult to take off doors or put them back on so i don't see why they would be against it as it wouldn't damage the doors or anything. anyways, i would definitely go talk to someone about it if you are thinking of leaving or worried that you are damaging your son too much by exposing him to his step-brothers. how you are feeling is valid. the main reason i chose to stay was because i realized that if i did not step up and find a way to make things work for my step-son it was not likely that anyone ever would. his bm is unfit, his dad has good intentions but lacks direction and lives in denial of the real issues, refusing to be educated. i am his only chance and so i feel like i have no choice but to find a way. if you are consistent and loving with your own son he will grow to see the error in their ways and try to help them make the right choices, but it will be a long road until then. if you haven't already, you need to talk to him about their behavior and let him know they aren't thinking right but you will be there to always protect him, then you need to put steps in place to make sure his safety is your main concern. one thing i have found to be helpful(slow but helpful) is to always point out what would have been a better option for behaviour after an issue. my 5yo now does this when he sees something wrong or has done something he shouldn't have. someday, difficult child may catch on as well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ready2run, post: 523434, member: 11339"] i definitely feel for you!! my step-son came to us quite damaged when he was 2 and since then has caused us to go to hell and back. i have 3 other kids, one mine from a previous relationship and 2 younger kids. my oldest is also autistic but she does not have the violent problems and the angry destructiveness my step son came with. i have been working with him since he came here and he is still a big ball of issues most days. he is 7 now and takes medication to help control the anger, it has helped but he is still much more difficult than an 'average' child. i used to worry alot about how he was affecting my other kids. they learned alot of bad behaviours from him and it is an ongoing struggle. i see a light at the end of that tunnel now though, the other kids being 3 and 5 are able to distinguish now for the most part that their half-brothers behaviour is not the right choice for them and are able to point out when he is 'not thinking right' as we phrase it. i still carry alot of guilt for what they have seen and been through because of this little ones problems and try to block them from seeing it as much as i can. i also make sure they know they can go to their own areas and close the door to get away from him if they feel like it. i made them each a cabin that is their own space to get away. for the longest time we did not allow difficult child to go near any of the other kids unsupervised. this was brought on by him pouring nail polish on my sleeping baby and trying to smother him. yeah, i tried to send him to foster care at that point but they would not take him. that was 3 year ago and we are just now venturing into letting him play unsupervised with the other children for short periods of time if he is in a good place. as for the door issue, why not be honest with the landlord and tell him what has happened to the kids in the past and why you want to take the doors off. offer to give him the doors to store, it is not difficult to take off doors or put them back on so i don't see why they would be against it as it wouldn't damage the doors or anything. anyways, i would definitely go talk to someone about it if you are thinking of leaving or worried that you are damaging your son too much by exposing him to his step-brothers. how you are feeling is valid. the main reason i chose to stay was because i realized that if i did not step up and find a way to make things work for my step-son it was not likely that anyone ever would. his bm is unfit, his dad has good intentions but lacks direction and lives in denial of the real issues, refusing to be educated. i am his only chance and so i feel like i have no choice but to find a way. if you are consistent and loving with your own son he will grow to see the error in their ways and try to help them make the right choices, but it will be a long road until then. if you haven't already, you need to talk to him about their behavior and let him know they aren't thinking right but you will be there to always protect him, then you need to put steps in place to make sure his safety is your main concern. one thing i have found to be helpful(slow but helpful) is to always point out what would have been a better option for behaviour after an issue. my 5yo now does this when he sees something wrong or has done something he shouldn't have. someday, difficult child may catch on as well. [/QUOTE]
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