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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 523764" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Malika, I think you are stepping on pebbles that you haven't walked on. No offense meant.</p><p></p><p>Nobody is blaming the child because his mother abused him and his father, for some reason, didn't k now and didn't step in and take him earlier. That does not change the fact that he is doing uber-dangerous things and is not likely to change any time soon and that the father is still in serious denial AND that there is this woman's son to think about here. I would never subject my kids to a damaged child again. It is not worth the possible consequences and once they happen, you can not take them back. This is not like J. He is not like these kids and he has no siblings. This is a situation where her son has to try to exist with two damaged children who have a long way to go to get better...and they maybe never will.This woman should make a decision based on what s he feels she can handle and what is best for her son. The father ultimately has to decide to help his k ids and to do it soon and fast. It sounds like you are condemning some of us who have been through this...it's touchy to me. You do not know that you would be up for this either. It is not something you can imagine until you are living the nightmare. It is not this woman's fault either that his man did not get custody of his kids early on or that he refuses to see that their behavior is potentially dangerous.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This is very difficult. Did you read what this child has done? Do you see that consequences don't matter to him? Sadly, this is the reality of many kids who are abused early in their lives. With intensive help some can can get better. Some never do get better. It's not pretty, but it's definitely true. </p><p></p><p>If she did not have a son maybe I'd think a little differently, but that's a moot point. She does and he is being badly affected by all of this. If she stays, she will have to treat her house like a mini-Residential Treatment Center (RTC). This is beyond just normal childhood chaos.</p><p></p><p>Malika, my child was an evil child. He did not start out that way nor should it have happened. But by age five he was sexually abusing other kids in his foster home and scaring them with knives, scissors, etc. and he scared them all so much that none of the children told on him. When he left our house, he did not care one bit about leaving us and said he didn't miss us and he had no idea why he had done what he had done. To be more graphic than I ever have before, this child forced my kids and another child to all have sex with one another. My daughter stopped being a virgin at around age five. The kids tell me he even touched my breasts and vaginal area when I was sleeping on the couch and he'd laugh. Then he'd play with matches and tell the k ids that he was the devil and if they told on him, he'd kill us all. They believed him. They did not tell.</p><p></p><p>Now this child that we adopted did not act out. He was an angel in front of us and in school. But his early years of neglect and obvious abuse turned him into a monster. It was not his fault, but he still almost destroyed our family and had sex and forced my kids to have sex by pulling a knife on them. My daughter has a light scar on her neck from that knife. At the time, she told us the cat scratched her.</p><p></p><p>It is true that R. was older when we got him. But he told his caseworker, when he was finally caught, that he had been doing stuff like this as far back as he can remember. When asked why, he had no idea. He is out on the streets now. He still has our last name. It would not shock me to hear that he has killed somebody. It does not really matter anymore what started him on the wrong road. I do not know if these kids are in that bad shape as he is, but they're sure headed in the wrong direction and their father's attitude is just plain scary. </p><p></p><p>I again will respect any decision this woman makes. If she stays, I will consider her a saint.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 523764, member: 1550"] Malika, I think you are stepping on pebbles that you haven't walked on. No offense meant. Nobody is blaming the child because his mother abused him and his father, for some reason, didn't k now and didn't step in and take him earlier. That does not change the fact that he is doing uber-dangerous things and is not likely to change any time soon and that the father is still in serious denial AND that there is this woman's son to think about here. I would never subject my kids to a damaged child again. It is not worth the possible consequences and once they happen, you can not take them back. This is not like J. He is not like these kids and he has no siblings. This is a situation where her son has to try to exist with two damaged children who have a long way to go to get better...and they maybe never will.This woman should make a decision based on what s he feels she can handle and what is best for her son. The father ultimately has to decide to help his k ids and to do it soon and fast. It sounds like you are condemning some of us who have been through this...it's touchy to me. You do not know that you would be up for this either. It is not something you can imagine until you are living the nightmare. It is not this woman's fault either that his man did not get custody of his kids early on or that he refuses to see that their behavior is potentially dangerous. This is very difficult. Did you read what this child has done? Do you see that consequences don't matter to him? Sadly, this is the reality of many kids who are abused early in their lives. With intensive help some can can get better. Some never do get better. It's not pretty, but it's definitely true. If she did not have a son maybe I'd think a little differently, but that's a moot point. She does and he is being badly affected by all of this. If she stays, she will have to treat her house like a mini-Residential Treatment Center (RTC). This is beyond just normal childhood chaos. Malika, my child was an evil child. He did not start out that way nor should it have happened. But by age five he was sexually abusing other kids in his foster home and scaring them with knives, scissors, etc. and he scared them all so much that none of the children told on him. When he left our house, he did not care one bit about leaving us and said he didn't miss us and he had no idea why he had done what he had done. To be more graphic than I ever have before, this child forced my kids and another child to all have sex with one another. My daughter stopped being a virgin at around age five. The kids tell me he even touched my breasts and vaginal area when I was sleeping on the couch and he'd laugh. Then he'd play with matches and tell the k ids that he was the devil and if they told on him, he'd kill us all. They believed him. They did not tell. Now this child that we adopted did not act out. He was an angel in front of us and in school. But his early years of neglect and obvious abuse turned him into a monster. It was not his fault, but he still almost destroyed our family and had sex and forced my kids to have sex by pulling a knife on them. My daughter has a light scar on her neck from that knife. At the time, she told us the cat scratched her. It is true that R. was older when we got him. But he told his caseworker, when he was finally caught, that he had been doing stuff like this as far back as he can remember. When asked why, he had no idea. He is out on the streets now. He still has our last name. It would not shock me to hear that he has killed somebody. It does not really matter anymore what started him on the wrong road. I do not know if these kids are in that bad shape as he is, but they're sure headed in the wrong direction and their father's attitude is just plain scary. I again will respect any decision this woman makes. If she stays, I will consider her a saint. [/QUOTE]
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