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Hi there, new, feeling awful
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 159245" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Hi Alldone - glad you found us.</p><p> </p><p>And you are *not* the worst mom in the world (I am, just ask my difficult child <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/rofl.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":rofl:" title="rofl :rofl:" data-shortname=":rofl:" /> ). Seriously, though, I went thru the same thing when thank you was about the same age. Possibly even worse - seemed like my first waking thought was "I love him but I hate him" and ditto my last. It was a *horrible* way to live - I'm his mother and how on earth could I possibly have anything less than warm fuzzy feelings towards him? At the same time, he was about as far from warm and fuzzy as a kid can get ... but still... I felt horribly guilty about dreading the day with him.</p><p> </p><p>I remember that period of time as being really stalled in terms of his treatment and schooling and therapy. It was also about the same time that I found this board and probably not coincidentally was also about the same time that I started to get more assertive about finding practical strategies with therapist/psychiatrist for dealing with him at home as well as more assertive that the school better figure out how to manage him there, without calling me every other day.</p><p> </p><p>The hardest part for me has always been the consistency. I'm a pretty laid back person to begin with and am not a huge fan of structure. But parenting a difficult child calls for structure. Whew... that took a long time to master. And you are so right on that it's physically and emotionally exhausting to have to do it 24/7/365 without a break. husband and I had to figure out how to parent thank you, as well as try to meet the needs of the other kids (and occasionally each other.... rarely <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> ). We kind of evolved into a tag team parenting unit. I'd deal with thank you and his appointments and school issues (since I was a stay at home mom) until I was toasty, then I'd pass him off to husband to deal with while I'd catch a breather - sometimes something as simple as a movie alone, or a stroll through the mall - anything to give me a chance to gather my wits. Then I'd come back in as primary caregiver until I got toasty again. As things got more challenging with thank you, we ended up tagging off several times during the day, but... somehow we survived.</p><p> </p><p>I think it's really *really* important to do self-care - whatever soothes you - on a pretty frequent basis. I got the same advice here many years ago and kind of blew it off. I should've listened, LOL. It makes a world of difference in your own outlook, really. If you're feeling strong emotionally, you're going to be better equipped to deal with whatever your daughter throws your way. </p><p> </p><p>Are you guys still doing therapy? Do you get a chance to take a break? Do your other kids get a chance to get a break from difficult child, and her from them?</p><p> </p><p>I know it's hard and there just doesn't seem to be one right answer. But we certainly do understand. Again, I'm glad you found us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 159245, member: 8"] Hi Alldone - glad you found us. And you are *not* the worst mom in the world (I am, just ask my difficult child :rofl: ). Seriously, though, I went thru the same thing when thank you was about the same age. Possibly even worse - seemed like my first waking thought was "I love him but I hate him" and ditto my last. It was a *horrible* way to live - I'm his mother and how on earth could I possibly have anything less than warm fuzzy feelings towards him? At the same time, he was about as far from warm and fuzzy as a kid can get ... but still... I felt horribly guilty about dreading the day with him. I remember that period of time as being really stalled in terms of his treatment and schooling and therapy. It was also about the same time that I found this board and probably not coincidentally was also about the same time that I started to get more assertive about finding practical strategies with therapist/psychiatrist for dealing with him at home as well as more assertive that the school better figure out how to manage him there, without calling me every other day. The hardest part for me has always been the consistency. I'm a pretty laid back person to begin with and am not a huge fan of structure. But parenting a difficult child calls for structure. Whew... that took a long time to master. And you are so right on that it's physically and emotionally exhausting to have to do it 24/7/365 without a break. husband and I had to figure out how to parent thank you, as well as try to meet the needs of the other kids (and occasionally each other.... rarely ;) ). We kind of evolved into a tag team parenting unit. I'd deal with thank you and his appointments and school issues (since I was a stay at home mom) until I was toasty, then I'd pass him off to husband to deal with while I'd catch a breather - sometimes something as simple as a movie alone, or a stroll through the mall - anything to give me a chance to gather my wits. Then I'd come back in as primary caregiver until I got toasty again. As things got more challenging with thank you, we ended up tagging off several times during the day, but... somehow we survived. I think it's really *really* important to do self-care - whatever soothes you - on a pretty frequent basis. I got the same advice here many years ago and kind of blew it off. I should've listened, LOL. It makes a world of difference in your own outlook, really. If you're feeling strong emotionally, you're going to be better equipped to deal with whatever your daughter throws your way. Are you guys still doing therapy? Do you get a chance to take a break? Do your other kids get a chance to get a break from difficult child, and her from them? I know it's hard and there just doesn't seem to be one right answer. But we certainly do understand. Again, I'm glad you found us. [/QUOTE]
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