OK,hopefully I can answer all the questions.
My son's father is actually my X, remarried with a new family. Unfortunately he invests very little in DS.
The X has not been diagnosis. He has however failed the phsyolocigal screening for at least two majoy police deptarments (He is national gaurd and is a cop normally and I have no idea how he made it though their screening.) I lived through his cycles. My well being depended on me predicting his cycles. It wasn't pretty. Right now he seems to be cotrolling some of the effects with excersize, but it's hard to tell from this far away. X's father is crazy (not to offend) very much into consipracy theories personally directed at him. I don't know what his deal is but he is really out there, also undx and unmedicated.
The report I mentioned is the one from this website to show professionals.
I don't know what kind of specialist he is going to be seeing. I was going on a referral from the mental health line. (Which makes me a bit nervous, becuase what if it isn't Bipolar, but Aspergers. Can a mental health professional tell the difference, or should he see a neurologist?) Our first appointment is a consultation only, as we have to have approval for all testing. I think I may call on Monday for more info.
As for the homeschooling. I have known since he was little that he wouldn't do well in school. He'd either be the bully or the one who got picked on by everyone so I decided to HS him. I did it until I went back to college PT and it didn't work well for either of us. I have a very supportive family and my younger sister (who is phyically disabled and as a result can't work) HS him. It has worked out wonderfully for everyone. So far he has never had a physical melt down with her, and I pray he doesn't. That is one of the major reasons I want to firgure him out.
I'm going to call the library and order that book.
As for his history. While I was pregnant I worked three jobs to try and keep everything paid and put my X (then husband) through the police academy. I did it, but my health suffered terribly. It didn't help that the marrigae was very abusive. In the end I went toxic and he was born two months early. (I understand premeies have higher risks for things.) I had a really good OB/GYN and he was born healthy because I had been put on steroids and he only had to stay in NICU for 3 weeks.
As a baby he had trouble with colic, but I altered my diet and it stopped. Because he was early all his milestones were pretty delayed. I had Parents as Teachers in, but I gave up with them as I knew more then the lady who kept visiting. He was very high strung. Very easy to distract, over stimulated easily, seemed like he couldn't hear you some times. Making eye contact when being told to do something was a big deal. He could make eye contact normally, but if he was in trouble or was being given an instructions it was very difficult. He travels at night and talks in his sleep. Even when he is asleep in his own bed it seems like his body moves a lot. He got glasses around two.
At about five he caught up phsically. He lost the premie look. As a preschooler he just seemed really difficult. He would seem to forget things he was just told, forget rules, and we would go over the same ground over, and over, and over.
I started teaching him kindergarten at 5, which was a mistake. The first year was very frustrating and we didn't make any progress. He didn't even know his phonics even though we had gone over them again and again. His first grade year I threw out the books and tried something completely different. I bought a bunch of educational games (he is very competative) and we played them until he understood his phonics. It really worked like a charm. I found a new very basic, black and white, cirriculum and made everything as hands on as possible. This really made a huge difference. In the first grade the meltdowns were vicious. Awful, like nightmarish and they were happening several times a day. I used holding techniques I was taugh when working with special needs preschoolers so that he didn't hurt himself or anyone else. Eventually they just seemed to stop one day.
Even though he could read, he didn't have the pateince to, so he would often go over things way too fast and get things wrong. He still does that. It appears as though he is just sloppy. He doesn't organize thing well at all, either on paper or his school work.
He has an obsession for pens and pads of paper although he rarely writes. He carries adult books around as though he is reading them, but he doesn't (although I do read novels to him, we are working though Louis L'amor ar the moment.) It is difficult for him to stay focused. When we go out with friends (and we don't often, it's too hard) I have to stay right on top of him. If I don't he'll get too hyper and spin out of control. He doesn't get a lot of things, like persoanl space. (We have a bubble rule now that helps but he often has to be reminded.) He grasps almost no social cues at all. you have to tell him "DS I am annoyed right now, leave me alone." or "Stop pushing.".
Once he gets he mind set on something and it doesn't happen it is THH END OF THE WORLD. Seriously. It's awful. So I do a lot of setting of expectations. His father creates a lot of problems in this area. (He's an I'm going to take you to Disney World, but pretends he never said that later kind of dad.) It's like he feeds the problem. And no amount of counseling has convinced him not to do this or that there is anything wrong with it.
Wow, well that was way longer than I intended, but it looks like a start to my report. I do use the strategies that LittleDudesMom mentioned. It's just hard sometimes to make him do the right thing when it would be so much easier to ignore it and not have to deal with it.
