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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 621348" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>This is talking about the working on myself which is a full-time job. Before all of "this" with my exhusband who is an alcoholic (now in recovery) and my son, a drug addict, I thought I was a pretty darn good person. After all, I wasn't doing THOSE things. I thought I was the "good" person and they were the "bad" people.</p><p></p><p>Sure I wasn't perfect, but I was pretty darn awesome (smile, lol)! And I was really different from them. Really different. </p><p></p><p>Wow, was I wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. </p><p></p><p>Once I started hearing and being open to the idea that I needed to make a MAJOR SHIFT in my thinking and my attitude and start focusing on myself instead of my ex and later, my difficult child, I started to do the hard work of uncovering my own character defects, i.e., my "shadow self."</p><p></p><p>And wow, there is a LOT of work to do. And we are so much the same. </p><p></p><p>But first, I had to even hear what I was being told and I can tell you, I rejected it completely at first.</p><p></p><p>What, I, the long-suffering good person that was holding it all together by the skin of my teeth....I NEEDED WORK? That thought was completely hurtful and insulting to me at first. What about THEM? (the eternal focus on others, not myself, much more comfortable)</p><p></p><p>Anyway, anyway, fast forward over a long long time, and finally, slowly, I started getting it.</p><p></p><p>We all have work to do. Them, us, me. Especially me. </p><p></p><p>I am a full time job. Leaving NO TIME for worrying, controlling and managing other people, even my own precious difficult child son. </p><p></p><p>And as I continue to do this hard work on my shadow self, I see those defects more clearly. I am willing to be more honest and tell the truth about myself. I am willing to work to change myself. I am willing to forgive myself. </p><p></p><p>I am changing so much. I told SO the other day, you are getting me at a really good time! We have been together for three years, three years of a lot of change in me.</p><p></p><p>All of those changes have contributed to a healthy relationship with me and SO, much better than it would have been with the old me.</p><p></p><p>I am thankful today for my past experiences. I wish the hurt wasn't so profound, for me and for the difficult children in my life. Perhaps the lessons and changes will be as profound---that is my hope.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 621348, member: 17542"] This is talking about the working on myself which is a full-time job. Before all of "this" with my exhusband who is an alcoholic (now in recovery) and my son, a drug addict, I thought I was a pretty darn good person. After all, I wasn't doing THOSE things. I thought I was the "good" person and they were the "bad" people. Sure I wasn't perfect, but I was pretty darn awesome (smile, lol)! And I was really different from them. Really different. Wow, was I wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Once I started hearing and being open to the idea that I needed to make a MAJOR SHIFT in my thinking and my attitude and start focusing on myself instead of my ex and later, my difficult child, I started to do the hard work of uncovering my own character defects, i.e., my "shadow self." And wow, there is a LOT of work to do. And we are so much the same. But first, I had to even hear what I was being told and I can tell you, I rejected it completely at first. What, I, the long-suffering good person that was holding it all together by the skin of my teeth....I NEEDED WORK? That thought was completely hurtful and insulting to me at first. What about THEM? (the eternal focus on others, not myself, much more comfortable) Anyway, anyway, fast forward over a long long time, and finally, slowly, I started getting it. We all have work to do. Them, us, me. Especially me. I am a full time job. Leaving NO TIME for worrying, controlling and managing other people, even my own precious difficult child son. And as I continue to do this hard work on my shadow self, I see those defects more clearly. I am willing to be more honest and tell the truth about myself. I am willing to work to change myself. I am willing to forgive myself. I am changing so much. I told SO the other day, you are getting me at a really good time! We have been together for three years, three years of a lot of change in me. All of those changes have contributed to a healthy relationship with me and SO, much better than it would have been with the old me. I am thankful today for my past experiences. I wish the hurt wasn't so profound, for me and for the difficult children in my life. Perhaps the lessons and changes will be as profound---that is my hope. [/QUOTE]
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