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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 419246" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>TL. </p><p> </p><p>It's really hard to figure out what your son thinks sober let alone what he thinks not sober, and addicted - or anyone for that matter. To beat yourself up over 'what is he thinking' thoughts will make you tired, (exhausted), tail chasing crazy, zombified, sorrowful at best, empty at least, regretful some days, hopeful others. No one knows what propells an addict. I've heard different people say different things drive them - the high, the peacefullness, the solitude, to forget a few say they don't know. I don't think in all the years I've been around them I ever remember anyone of them tell me "To make me happy." Most say "to forget, or to be numb so I won't feel." In most statements there has to be a good amount of pain. None of which you've provided. None of which you can take away. Sad as it makes you? This is not anything you caused and nothing you can fix. </p><p> </p><p>You're right - you will survive this, and there's going to be bumps along the way, and there's NO rule book. There's no you should, you will. There's just you and your son, and "Oh great, look what do I do now? Oh Someone please tell me what to do?" And your willingness to let him fall, and figure out - has he hit bottom? Do I pick him up now? Now? Now? Is this enough for him? for me? I dont' know, I don't care..this is all I can take.....I'll figure it out tomorrow, if I do this will it do that to him, will it ruin all the tough love?" </p><p> </p><p>I wish there was a standardized answer for you - on some things? there is - for the rest? (shrug) You just kinda have to use your senses - common sense, Momsense, Tough love - and detachment, plus in my world there's prayer. Dont' kid yourself either - when you need it? let go - </p><p> </p><p>I used to say - Trees Hate me - Grass fears me - I still have my aluminum bat - and love to take long walks in the woods. It sounds kookier than a woodpecker - but sometimes you just couldn't get to the therapist 'whenever' so I just did the batterup thing. If you don't think it helps? Go pound some sand...lol. I also used weed therapy - but not like 'roll one up" I pulled weeds all over the field. - I have a great looking field too. </p><p> </p><p>Take care - Fix what you can fix.....Hope for the best. Tell him you wish him the best of success - </p><p> </p><p>Sending hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 419246, member: 4964"] TL. It's really hard to figure out what your son thinks sober let alone what he thinks not sober, and addicted - or anyone for that matter. To beat yourself up over 'what is he thinking' thoughts will make you tired, (exhausted), tail chasing crazy, zombified, sorrowful at best, empty at least, regretful some days, hopeful others. No one knows what propells an addict. I've heard different people say different things drive them - the high, the peacefullness, the solitude, to forget a few say they don't know. I don't think in all the years I've been around them I ever remember anyone of them tell me "To make me happy." Most say "to forget, or to be numb so I won't feel." In most statements there has to be a good amount of pain. None of which you've provided. None of which you can take away. Sad as it makes you? This is not anything you caused and nothing you can fix. You're right - you will survive this, and there's going to be bumps along the way, and there's NO rule book. There's no you should, you will. There's just you and your son, and "Oh great, look what do I do now? Oh Someone please tell me what to do?" And your willingness to let him fall, and figure out - has he hit bottom? Do I pick him up now? Now? Now? Is this enough for him? for me? I dont' know, I don't care..this is all I can take.....I'll figure it out tomorrow, if I do this will it do that to him, will it ruin all the tough love?" I wish there was a standardized answer for you - on some things? there is - for the rest? (shrug) You just kinda have to use your senses - common sense, Momsense, Tough love - and detachment, plus in my world there's prayer. Dont' kid yourself either - when you need it? let go - I used to say - Trees Hate me - Grass fears me - I still have my aluminum bat - and love to take long walks in the woods. It sounds kookier than a woodpecker - but sometimes you just couldn't get to the therapist 'whenever' so I just did the batterup thing. If you don't think it helps? Go pound some sand...lol. I also used weed therapy - but not like 'roll one up" I pulled weeds all over the field. - I have a great looking field too. Take care - Fix what you can fix.....Hope for the best. Tell him you wish him the best of success - Sending hugs. [/QUOTE]
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