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His teacher is hitting my son
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 440069" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Malika, how's this for a suggestion?</p><p></p><p>"Maitresse, J has begun cowering form me when I scold, as if afraid I am going to hit him even though I do not hit him when I scold. Can you think of anything that may have happened, perhaps an interaction with other students, that could account for this? It is much more difficult to manage a child with ADHD through fear. His therapist is deeply concerned, as am I."</p><p></p><p>Of course she will not admit to hitting him herself, but it gives her 'wiggle room' to be on your side, to say, "I will keep an eye open; can't think why he would do that," but perhaps to NOT hit him that way again. And it protects J form repercussions because you didn't say he told you anything. He specifically said it was not the teacher, didn't he? (even though we know better).</p><p></p><p>Wherever he goes next school year - cultivate other kids as 'spies'. It was one such kid who came to easy child and reported that Mrs W had grabbed difficult child 3 by the back of his shirt and dragged him along the corridor, the shirt choking him. With our stricter new rules, this constituted assault. Mrs W is also a neighbour and a friend of mine, but I know she has a temper. I did not say anything to Mrs W, just reported to the principal that I had been told this had happened and could he please investigate? Because of course, such a thing should not happen to my child, and I would know if it did in the future.</p><p></p><p>Principal got back to me, said he had investigated and it hadn't happened (yeah, right!) but I can assure you, it certainly never happened again! The school learned fast, that I would know if they did the wrong thing, and I would not be happy. I also gave them enough wiggle room to save face. And the need for them to save face is vital in a small village.</p><p></p><p>A couple of years later I was in a position to save Mrs W's job - the school numbers had dropped and she was about to be transferred at no notice to a much more distance school. That was going to cause other problems for difficult child 3, so I went on the campaign trail with the state government. By the next day the situation had changed. Mrs W came to me and thanked me for my intervention. I didn't tell her I had done it for my son and not for her. I let her think what she wanted. She had a year to plan her move instead of a day.</p><p></p><p>(Interestingly - Mrs W and her family are currently a target for local village vandals, they and their house get attacked regularly - by former students, now delinquent.)</p><p></p><p>So cultivate your spies, never divulge your sources, and always in a small village, give the school plenty of room to say, "I didn't do it!" as long as what they did doesn't happen again.</p><p></p><p>I would use the next week to make some phone calls to other schools, including the one in the area closer to the larger city. It doesn't matter if you don't know anybody - you can make new contacts. But they need to be the right ones. I would hunt around for a support network for children with learning difficulties, or behavioural difficulties. if there isn't one, start one. In France it might have to be a secret society! A coffee klatch...</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 440069, member: 1991"] Malika, how's this for a suggestion? "Maitresse, J has begun cowering form me when I scold, as if afraid I am going to hit him even though I do not hit him when I scold. Can you think of anything that may have happened, perhaps an interaction with other students, that could account for this? It is much more difficult to manage a child with ADHD through fear. His therapist is deeply concerned, as am I." Of course she will not admit to hitting him herself, but it gives her 'wiggle room' to be on your side, to say, "I will keep an eye open; can't think why he would do that," but perhaps to NOT hit him that way again. And it protects J form repercussions because you didn't say he told you anything. He specifically said it was not the teacher, didn't he? (even though we know better). Wherever he goes next school year - cultivate other kids as 'spies'. It was one such kid who came to easy child and reported that Mrs W had grabbed difficult child 3 by the back of his shirt and dragged him along the corridor, the shirt choking him. With our stricter new rules, this constituted assault. Mrs W is also a neighbour and a friend of mine, but I know she has a temper. I did not say anything to Mrs W, just reported to the principal that I had been told this had happened and could he please investigate? Because of course, such a thing should not happen to my child, and I would know if it did in the future. Principal got back to me, said he had investigated and it hadn't happened (yeah, right!) but I can assure you, it certainly never happened again! The school learned fast, that I would know if they did the wrong thing, and I would not be happy. I also gave them enough wiggle room to save face. And the need for them to save face is vital in a small village. A couple of years later I was in a position to save Mrs W's job - the school numbers had dropped and she was about to be transferred at no notice to a much more distance school. That was going to cause other problems for difficult child 3, so I went on the campaign trail with the state government. By the next day the situation had changed. Mrs W came to me and thanked me for my intervention. I didn't tell her I had done it for my son and not for her. I let her think what she wanted. She had a year to plan her move instead of a day. (Interestingly - Mrs W and her family are currently a target for local village vandals, they and their house get attacked regularly - by former students, now delinquent.) So cultivate your spies, never divulge your sources, and always in a small village, give the school plenty of room to say, "I didn't do it!" as long as what they did doesn't happen again. I would use the next week to make some phone calls to other schools, including the one in the area closer to the larger city. It doesn't matter if you don't know anybody - you can make new contacts. But they need to be the right ones. I would hunt around for a support network for children with learning difficulties, or behavioural difficulties. if there isn't one, start one. In France it might have to be a secret society! A coffee klatch... Marg [/QUOTE]
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