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His teacher is hitting my son
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 440293" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I'm with the coded war ing, if you can do it. The more direct "Do not hit my child over the head again" can come if the coded warning does not sink in.</p><p></p><p>The second teacher I mentioned (not Mrs W, the worse one) used to respond to any direct requests of mine by hassling difficult child 3 in class and warning him to not go telling tales to his mother! Thanks to my spies among the kids, I was wise to that one. I used the Communication Book to get my message home, and to also make it clear that I was learning of this NOT from my child, who was intensely loyal to his teacher. </p><p></p><p>A possible option for you, I don't know if your local school does this - in our country, most if not all schools encourage parents to volunteer in the classroom as unpaid support. It gives you (and other parents) the chance to see for yourselves. It also keeps the teachers honest. Generally the teachers welcome this involvement. At our village school, this last teacher of difficult child 3's would not allow any parent volunteers in her classroom. She had to allow therapists that I had requested and was paying for; however, when other parents tried to organise therapists (there was another mildly autistic child in her class the following year to difficult child 3) this teacher flatly refused. The parents could have insisted, but were too scared of her to insist. I think she allowed the therapists in difficult child 3's case because she knew I would insist; her refusal was unethical and unauthorised but she was VERY determined. </p><p></p><p>A direct approach with a teacher like this would have been met with denial. WAS met with denial, and a continuation of doing things as she felt was her right. She also worked on other school staff to do things her way. Teachers who did not, usually changed schools after a year or so. The principal was weak and wouldn't stand up to her. </p><p></p><p>A new principal began to bring change. The teacher felt the stress and I don't know what caused it, but one day she made some bad mistakes and the end result was, she was pushed pretty hard to take early retirement. Even though difficult child 3 was no longer a student there, I was still an active volunteer at this school and so was very much in touch with events. My departure coincided with the arrival of the new principal.</p><p></p><p>Never underestimate the value of volunteering where you can. I kept my involvement to an hour a week, but I made it useful. Malika, you could offer your services as an English-speaker, for example, to give the kids practice with speaking English in the more informal environment of the playground. It puts you in a position where you can at the same time, see what is going on. It develops your own spy network in the kids who will enjoy working with you. It also puts you where you can answer any questions other kids may have about your son - information is a great way to de-fuse hostility due to ignorance.</p><p></p><p>If you need to say things more directly, you can soften the blow and not seem to be just there to criticise, if you also have an offer of your help. It is also a lot harder for them to ignore you and treat you like dirt, if you re there being useful. This really works, I have seen it happen so many times in a wider range of situations! Not just this school, but other schools too. And even small private classes such as dance classes - the parent who was on the spot to ferry kids here and there, to open up the building before the teacher arrives, the keeper of the keys, always was given advantages over the others. It used to really annoy me, but I learned to work the system, as far as I could stomach it.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 440293, member: 1991"] I'm with the coded war ing, if you can do it. The more direct "Do not hit my child over the head again" can come if the coded warning does not sink in. The second teacher I mentioned (not Mrs W, the worse one) used to respond to any direct requests of mine by hassling difficult child 3 in class and warning him to not go telling tales to his mother! Thanks to my spies among the kids, I was wise to that one. I used the Communication Book to get my message home, and to also make it clear that I was learning of this NOT from my child, who was intensely loyal to his teacher. A possible option for you, I don't know if your local school does this - in our country, most if not all schools encourage parents to volunteer in the classroom as unpaid support. It gives you (and other parents) the chance to see for yourselves. It also keeps the teachers honest. Generally the teachers welcome this involvement. At our village school, this last teacher of difficult child 3's would not allow any parent volunteers in her classroom. She had to allow therapists that I had requested and was paying for; however, when other parents tried to organise therapists (there was another mildly autistic child in her class the following year to difficult child 3) this teacher flatly refused. The parents could have insisted, but were too scared of her to insist. I think she allowed the therapists in difficult child 3's case because she knew I would insist; her refusal was unethical and unauthorised but she was VERY determined. A direct approach with a teacher like this would have been met with denial. WAS met with denial, and a continuation of doing things as she felt was her right. She also worked on other school staff to do things her way. Teachers who did not, usually changed schools after a year or so. The principal was weak and wouldn't stand up to her. A new principal began to bring change. The teacher felt the stress and I don't know what caused it, but one day she made some bad mistakes and the end result was, she was pushed pretty hard to take early retirement. Even though difficult child 3 was no longer a student there, I was still an active volunteer at this school and so was very much in touch with events. My departure coincided with the arrival of the new principal. Never underestimate the value of volunteering where you can. I kept my involvement to an hour a week, but I made it useful. Malika, you could offer your services as an English-speaker, for example, to give the kids practice with speaking English in the more informal environment of the playground. It puts you in a position where you can at the same time, see what is going on. It develops your own spy network in the kids who will enjoy working with you. It also puts you where you can answer any questions other kids may have about your son - information is a great way to de-fuse hostility due to ignorance. If you need to say things more directly, you can soften the blow and not seem to be just there to criticise, if you also have an offer of your help. It is also a lot harder for them to ignore you and treat you like dirt, if you re there being useful. This really works, I have seen it happen so many times in a wider range of situations! Not just this school, but other schools too. And even small private classes such as dance classes - the parent who was on the spot to ferry kids here and there, to open up the building before the teacher arrives, the keeper of the keys, always was given advantages over the others. It used to really annoy me, but I learned to work the system, as far as I could stomach it. Marg [/QUOTE]
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