Hmmm... Finally catching you up

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, Jan 28, 2008.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    So, you probably all remember what a lousy Christmas I had. Christmas's have been pretty bad since the big blow up with my family 9 years ago. As in we just aren't invited anywhere. L has been trying to repair all of those connections for years, and this year she really got into it. It didn't work.

    The last time we had any real contact with M it was just before Christmas '04. L and I went big time shopping for him and expected him for Christmas Eve. He called at 5:30 that night and said he didn't want to come. husband brought him his gifts the next day at the Dimwit Lady's house that he was staying with. Later that year when he came "to get his stuff" with a posse, Dimwit screamed at me about our forcing her to clothe him, among other things. The stupidity of that conversation goes without saying. I mean, no one ever told her to take him in, in fact we told her not to. I don't know where she thought he got the whole new wardrobe at Christmas, but she called me a liar. Oh, well. I'm sure she has figured out how important to M she was since he left her house in '05.

    So, L was trying to mend my relationship with M this winter as well. I don't have a problem with mending our relationship, but personally I'd rather do it on my own terms and not have L in the middle of it. husband chose to contact M about a job opening at his work. I'm fine with that too. I didn't like it that he hid it from me until I came home one evening and he was on the phone and hurriedly hung up on whomever he was speaking to when I walked in the door. But that has to do with husband and how he treats me, not anything to do with M. husband told M that he would help him with his resume and that we get him some clothing for an interview. I told husband that I would be happy to buy him some appropriate clothing. This was about 3-4 weeks ago.

    M has been out of work more than has had a job. He's been living with a girl who wants him to move. I imagine that she may be kicking him out of her house soon, as she wanted him to move before Xmas and I think he is still there. Or he is sleeping on someone's couch. Whatever. We don't have a bed for him. Period.

    I told husband that I don't mind him getting involved with helping M, but he had better not put his own job on the line. We can't be in jeopardy if M acts out on the job and husband has to take the heat for it. I also told him that his relationship with M stands alone. He needs to make it clear to M that his lies and false accusations against me aren't forgotten as they have never been admitted to or apologized for. husband will have to broach the subject at some point in time and let M know that he will not tolerate abuse of me in any way shape or form, because I won't allow husband to tolerate any abuse of me in any way shape or form. I'm pretty sure husband understands, but then again, I won't be surprised if he doesn't understand and gets himself all caught up in some sort of M BS.

    The job that is at husband's work may not come through for anyone for quite some time. It would be a good job for M, or for anyone for that matter. Immediate insurance, $46 k a year to start, immediate vacation time, retirement, and they will train in an up and coming technical field. But, husband's boss was the one who was going to train the new hire, and she decided to quit the job and go on a world cruise.

    M contacted husband today to ask for clothing for a job interview tomorrow. I told husband that I needed to know his sizes and I would get something for him. M says he doesn't know what size he wears. He says he 'thinks' maybe a size 34 - 36 pants and a large long shirt. husband forgot to ask what size shoe he wears.

    It's two in the afternoon. husband has my car. husband is out of town on business beginning early tomorrow. I'm not jumping in to do anything. M has had months to act on this. husband has had months to follow up and prod him into whatever needs to be done. It's not my fault that he has an interview for a receptionist in less than a day and is just now thinking that he might want to look presentable but doesn't know what size clothing he wears. If someone wants to ask me to take M shopping today, someone had better ask me to. I'm not running to the rescue.

    by the way, I'm feeling like taking a laissez fair attitude about this, and actually feeling quite comfortable with that. I will consider whatever is asked of me on it's own merits, and do my best to help M out. But I am not going to fix this for him by deciding what needs to be done. That's up to him to figure out and to ask for whatever help he needs. Or not.
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Looks like you are in a pretty good place there Witz---it's good to see that your detachment skills are still working when it comes to M. Sometimes it's hard to detach when it looks like they "might" do the right thing.
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I did go to Target and pick up the basics for him. Shoes, socks, undies, 2 shirts, a sweater, and a pair of pants. Then I made husband get off work as early as possible, meet me in the parking lot, and he drove the 20 miles to deliver them to M. I also pulled an extra $40 and told husband to tell M to get a haircut and lose the sideburns. He will or he won't, but I'll have done what I could to make it right without going all crazy about it.

  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    No judgement here, just curious why the change of heart on shopping for M. Did he call? Make any kind of conciliatory gesture?

    I hope this works out, Witz.

  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Actually, I did it for husband. And made it very clear that it's on him if he doesn't handle things in a timely manner again.
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    my new favorite attitude -

    laissez faire - LOVE IT!

    And one more time to help husband out - yeah I get ya.

    Good job Witz -

    beats kicking the donkey, cow and 3 wisemen to me!
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    LOL! Yes, it does, Star...