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HO HO HO... yeah right!
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<blockquote data-quote="janebrain" data-source="post: 221778" data-attributes="member: 3208"><p>HI,</p><p>I do remember you and congrats on the new grandbaby. Now on to your situation. Looking at it from an outsider's viewpoint I think you have sort of put yourself in the middle between difficult child and your relatives and friends. When they told you how they felt about not getting thank yous for the wedding presents I think you should have placed it squarely on difficult child--you certainly raised her better than that but it was up to her to respond. I probably would not have thrown a big baby shower after seeing her response to the wedding gifts. With the printed Thank yous you were only trying to be helpful but again I think you somehow are seeing your dtr's behavior as a reflection on you. I would not own that. If people are hurt and tell you so you need to put it right back on dtr. You don't need to be defensive, just say something like, "I'm sorry she is acting rude and ungrateful, she wasn't raised that way."</p><p></p><p>But, on to the really important thing! And I have a new grandson too but my difficult child lives 3000 miles away so she can't really use him that way. I think as hard as it is, you can't allow her to manipulate you this way. If she can control you through her son she will have you at her mercy forever. Surely she is going to need something from you at some point, maybe babysitting even? I think you have to be very firm and make it clear that you will not be used this way.</p><p></p><p>I know others will be along with their ideas soon--as you already know, we have some very smart people in this group and also people who express themselves really well so hang on!</p><p></p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="janebrain, post: 221778, member: 3208"] HI, I do remember you and congrats on the new grandbaby. Now on to your situation. Looking at it from an outsider's viewpoint I think you have sort of put yourself in the middle between difficult child and your relatives and friends. When they told you how they felt about not getting thank yous for the wedding presents I think you should have placed it squarely on difficult child--you certainly raised her better than that but it was up to her to respond. I probably would not have thrown a big baby shower after seeing her response to the wedding gifts. With the printed Thank yous you were only trying to be helpful but again I think you somehow are seeing your dtr's behavior as a reflection on you. I would not own that. If people are hurt and tell you so you need to put it right back on dtr. You don't need to be defensive, just say something like, "I'm sorry she is acting rude and ungrateful, she wasn't raised that way." But, on to the really important thing! And I have a new grandson too but my difficult child lives 3000 miles away so she can't really use him that way. I think as hard as it is, you can't allow her to manipulate you this way. If she can control you through her son she will have you at her mercy forever. Surely she is going to need something from you at some point, maybe babysitting even? I think you have to be very firm and make it clear that you will not be used this way. I know others will be along with their ideas soon--as you already know, we have some very smart people in this group and also people who express themselves really well so hang on! Jane [/QUOTE]
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