Holding on, but I do not know how long

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by LovetoCareDepressed, Apr 7, 2015.

  1. LovetoCareDepressed

    LovetoCareDepressed New Member

    I just wanted to share my story and correct my role if I need to do things differently. I love my family despite life has given me more challenges than I can handle sometime. I would not have asked anything more than what I got and even with all the raw deals, I feel I am lucky in many aspects to be able to handle.

    Until my daughter fell sick and was hospitalized, I did not know anything about depression being a clinical disease and help is available. Till that time, I was taking everything as normal human behavior or even weirdly expression of love. When my daughter fell sick, I started reading about depression and realized that my wife has suffered through it all her life. She is still untreated but the closeness of the family has kept her depression under control.

    now my 9th grader son is diagnosed with depression and I am suspecting his computer addiction has fueled it too. I have gone through hell in last ten years being blamed as having affairs (which I do not have) to taking care of my children and I have tried to get professional help for my children as much as possible. I am a sensitive person myself, but emotionally I am strong and have a lot of outlets such as doing music and writing. But I have felt very lonely in this fight because my wife blames me for all these depression. I know that the chemical imbalance and heredity are the reason for the depression. She worked very hard during my daughter's episode but was completely unprepared for the son.

    My status at home works negatively to be effective. Both my children just ignore me because I really can not take any decision without upsetting my wife. All finances are done by her since she blames I am not careful about money. I empowered her with making all decisions when she started questioning my attachment to the family. She has no clue how attached I am and I have to go over-drive to prove it. This has made me to work tirelessly to do bulk of the home chores not handling the money and agreeing with everything she decides.

    I love her to death and I know these anomalies are due to her sickness. But my perceived status at home made my son defiant and not listen to me. He is also more attached to his mom because she can give him stuff. I watch helplessly and grieve at the damages all alone. My social outgoingness and her introvert nature together have done so much damage! I hardly go out anymore for last eight years, which I can deal with.

    My daughter is doing fine and very successful. I know my son will make me proud if we take care of this illness in the right way. But sometimes I feel all my life I have fought a losing battle. I can not live with out my wife (She is very caring for the whole family including me, but she has never said I am sorry for anything that I remember.). When she falsely accused me of infidelity, I was broken down to nothing. I know I have no choice of breaking down but I just do not feel strong to bear these pains anymore.

    Love is not rational, I have had support from many family members who know me (Including people from my wife's family). Currently I have to deal with my son not going to school. I just do not know how to do it all alone.
     
  2. runawaybunny

    runawaybunny Administrator Staff Member

    Hello @LovetoCareDepressed

    Depression can be a devastating disease, but it can be successfully treated. Has your family gotten any professional advice from a therapist or psychiatrist?

    Talk therapy and/or antidepressants can really help with depression. I was diagnosed with chronic depression several years ago and was involved in talk therapy for a couple of years. It was very helpful.

    I have found that for me eating heathfully and exercising regularly really helps. I missed a few days of my usual exercise routine a couple of weeks ago and realized that after only a few days I was slipping into depressed thinking. That got me back on track.

    I suggest that if your family isn't involved in therapy that you look into it ASAP. Please be encouraged that depression is not a life sentence. Get some professional support because it is possible to improve your outlook and quality of life. The sooner you get started the sooner things will improve.

     
  3. LovetoCareDepressed

    LovetoCareDepressed New Member

    Yes, we got a full-blown combination medication and CBT for my daughter for almost two years which did the miracle for her. Now it is the turn for my Son, which we have started in full swing. The reason for my post was to find ways on how to live when everyone who you love are depressed. I know now that I have made some mistakes in not educating me earlier. What scares me is how do I handle my wife who is really a very caring partner but in my unprofessional view suffers through depression. I have gone through taking care of each and every event with a project-like determination and as I said it rebounded for my daughter very well. I always worry about what happens to my wife when I am not there. She has never been in a clinical depression mode, but her extremely irrational allegation and always sad attitude does bother me a lot. As I said, she is very caring but she never ever shares her true feelings. It has affected my work, her work and made our whole life miserable. I know that she loves me and the children and that is true for me too.

    Thank you for your response. I am sure we will resolve my son's issue with time. But I am concerned about my wife and her well being. Since it is not clinical, I have hard time convincing her to do anything. She is used to living like this and I separate her from her depression, I was thinking if there is anything more I need to do.
     
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    A spouse with mental health issues is a delicate subject. We can do more for our minor children than we can for our spouse - because we can't force an adult to do anything.

    The best thing you can do is get help for yourself. A good therapist can give you better coping skills, different approaches, a different outlook. Be as healthy as YOU can be.
     
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