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Holiday blahs anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 99640" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Willow, </p><p></p><p>After reading your post I think you are dealing with a lot of "ends", and don't know how to proceed. And how would you? We're in a society that praises new beginnings and is saddened by endings. Rarely do we say OH YES the END OF THIS MAKES ME HAPPY!!! Think about it; a baby being born - celebrate. A person dying - mourn. A wedding; celebrate, a divorce - mourn (unless you were me but I swear 'twas me cutting flips across the courthouse yard) a person that gets well; a celebration, a person that is terminal; mourn. Getting a new boyfriend: celebrate - saying goodbye to a relationship that didn't pan out? Mourn. </p><p></p><p>So we're preconditioned from the earliest age to 'look forward' to events in our lives. When those events don't happen it's like someone took a piece out of a 2500 piece puzzle. We work hard all year for a break at Christmas - it 'should' be joyous. We live our whole lives with our parents and want our kids to appreciate them in the way we do and when they don't - it's saddens us. We think our parents are immortal; when we get news otherwise that they really are human and are going to leave us - deep sadness overtakes us. Depression sets in and we would just rather feel sad than take the energy to try to make ourselves feel better, and we bargain with depression telling ourselves it's ONLY for the holidays. Admitting to yourself that nothing stays the same is okay, LEARNING that as a reality is much healthier. </p><p></p><p>Well the holidays are EVERY month except August. (thats my birthday so I don't get a break) We have New Years and we make lots of promises we never keep and that sets the tone, then there is February with its holiday of LOVE LOVE LOVE (Swear if I had a bow I'd shoot cupid myself) nothing says "I love you" like a box of chocolates to make my rear end bigger than it is. Then March is St. Pats day (a great excuse to get drunk which doesn't help depression) April - Well if you're Christian it goes back to the Celebrate (and mourn) Christ is crucified, then he rises and lives which messes up my theory totally. May is a double whammy with MOTHERS Day -and if you don't have a super supportive significant other that makes your kids WORSHIP you = most kids shrug and go "it's just a day" so we're left feeling unappreciated again, and then there is Memorial Day to honor the people who are fighting for our freedom which in my head gives me visions of not being appreciative enough I wouldn't have anything I have if those people didn't sacrifice so much- and worry about my son in the draft next year - June brings Father's day, (and well my son was torn by bio-dad being abusive/step dad being great - and longer days and usually about then I'm a little happier for the sunshine and summer coming. July is the fourth and MORE thinking about people having fun, fireworks, picnics, get together events, and I'm basically alone - last year I toasted a hot dog on a fork and got some pre-made mac salad (pathetic) = the hot dog fell off the fork and the dog shared in my delight/sorrow. Then there is August - and you get a break (I have another year to add) September the kids go back to school then there is worry about clothes, fees, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur (Oh dear if I atone today) YIKES. </p><p></p><p>October brings shorter days, cooler weather and Halloween. Novemeber brings us to the kick off of the holidays and thoughts about the year, everyone meeting and having family over, getting together, black Friday is coming I want to shop but I have no money and Christmas will be here soon and I still won't have any money and then we all exhale after noon on Christmas thinking THANK GOODNESS THIS IS OVER - until you go back to work and have to hear everyone tell you of THEIR fannnnnntastic holiday, family togetherness, they did this, they got that - and somehow we muddle through it until Dec. 31 and hope that we can just be in bed and once again not get asked to go out and celebrate, but....</p><p><u></p><p>You</u>Willow- have the worry of this could be the last holiday with everyone together and as the picture in your mind plays the movie you think is how everything should be - it makes you a smorgasbord of emotions on top of all the difficult child <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> you've had to endure for the year, AND you're alone, AND you don't have many friends - and this is DEPRESSION and holiday BLAHS....but most people think it's JUST around Thanksgiving and Christmas. </p><p></p><p>Well - what if you said November 22 was JUST another day. And have a hamburger - WHO CARES that you aren't having traditional turkey? And Christmas should be celebrated as a BIRTHDAY - which if you refer to the above mention - birthdays fall on the celebration side. Largely I think industry made us forget what Christmas is all about. Tons of snowmen, reindeer, penguins, wrapping paper and one tiny little section about Christ and what the holiday is about. Amazing to me. Jesus must be going _"NO please do NOT celebrate my birthday this year - it makes so many people sad and I'm going to be like 2040" And New Years - means nothing this year - it's just a new year, so what, big fat hairy deal - for 2/3 of the world it is NOT. Then Valentines day - you want chocolates? BUY them yourself by the pound - leave it on the table the night before and in the morning tell yourself thanks for the chocolates and I love you. Hide your own eggs on Easter, Share a 1/2 lighter burnt hot dog with your dog on the 4th - get the idea. </p><p></p><p>Tell yourself that it is just another day - enjoy the time you have with your Father and CELEBRATE his life, busy yourself with making videos of him and do things "in his name" for charity while he's here and tell him you did it for him and your Mom instead of (traditional holiday). </p><p></p><p>It never hurts to start your own traditions, march to a different drum, help others less fortunate. I believe that is what this life is for. It's a test to see how we react despite all the <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> that gets thrown our way how we're able to help others because if nothing else - this board is a testimony to the fact that you don't have to look far to see someone else with problems greater than (mine & yours). Some days I'm flat out on the ground with my own problems and I come here, read a post like yours and I think - "My cross is not so large to bear - it's just mine." And some days it's all I need to make me feel a little less unfortunate. </p><p></p><p> This year - adopt a child off a mall tree, and SHOP if it's whats in your heart and buy that child toys, clothes - or send a family a meal by going to the grocery store buying a meal and sending it to a food bank or local charity - If giving makes you feel better - then do that. If volunteering is your gig - find a place - heck it may even be something you like to do more than just around the holidays. I've met a ton of really interesting and less fortunate people than myself. When we talk - some are just amazed by my life and some are inspired to do better after they hear my story - it makes me feel like I've done something. </p><p></p><p>Life is so short - Kids grow up so quick, Our family doesn't get to be here forever, and being alone will be what you make it. Remember you may be lonely but you will never be alone. </p><p></p><p>It doesn't hurt to talk it over with a psychologist either. You have a tremendous amount to deal with - maybe you should start by allowing someone to help you sort it all out and break it down so you CAN find the best way to deal with it yourself. </p><p></p><p>If not you are welcome to my house in SC for an orphans thanksgiving. Because every day I am here I give thanks. </p><p></p><p>Many hugs - many, many </p><p>star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 99640, member: 4964"] Willow, After reading your post I think you are dealing with a lot of "ends", and don't know how to proceed. And how would you? We're in a society that praises new beginnings and is saddened by endings. Rarely do we say OH YES the END OF THIS MAKES ME HAPPY!!! Think about it; a baby being born - celebrate. A person dying - mourn. A wedding; celebrate, a divorce - mourn (unless you were me but I swear 'twas me cutting flips across the courthouse yard) a person that gets well; a celebration, a person that is terminal; mourn. Getting a new boyfriend: celebrate - saying goodbye to a relationship that didn't pan out? Mourn. So we're preconditioned from the earliest age to 'look forward' to events in our lives. When those events don't happen it's like someone took a piece out of a 2500 piece puzzle. We work hard all year for a break at Christmas - it 'should' be joyous. We live our whole lives with our parents and want our kids to appreciate them in the way we do and when they don't - it's saddens us. We think our parents are immortal; when we get news otherwise that they really are human and are going to leave us - deep sadness overtakes us. Depression sets in and we would just rather feel sad than take the energy to try to make ourselves feel better, and we bargain with depression telling ourselves it's ONLY for the holidays. Admitting to yourself that nothing stays the same is okay, LEARNING that as a reality is much healthier. Well the holidays are EVERY month except August. (thats my birthday so I don't get a break) We have New Years and we make lots of promises we never keep and that sets the tone, then there is February with its holiday of LOVE LOVE LOVE (Swear if I had a bow I'd shoot cupid myself) nothing says "I love you" like a box of chocolates to make my rear end bigger than it is. Then March is St. Pats day (a great excuse to get drunk which doesn't help depression) April - Well if you're Christian it goes back to the Celebrate (and mourn) Christ is crucified, then he rises and lives which messes up my theory totally. May is a double whammy with MOTHERS Day -and if you don't have a super supportive significant other that makes your kids WORSHIP you = most kids shrug and go "it's just a day" so we're left feeling unappreciated again, and then there is Memorial Day to honor the people who are fighting for our freedom which in my head gives me visions of not being appreciative enough I wouldn't have anything I have if those people didn't sacrifice so much- and worry about my son in the draft next year - June brings Father's day, (and well my son was torn by bio-dad being abusive/step dad being great - and longer days and usually about then I'm a little happier for the sunshine and summer coming. July is the fourth and MORE thinking about people having fun, fireworks, picnics, get together events, and I'm basically alone - last year I toasted a hot dog on a fork and got some pre-made mac salad (pathetic) = the hot dog fell off the fork and the dog shared in my delight/sorrow. Then there is August - and you get a break (I have another year to add) September the kids go back to school then there is worry about clothes, fees, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur (Oh dear if I atone today) YIKES. October brings shorter days, cooler weather and Halloween. Novemeber brings us to the kick off of the holidays and thoughts about the year, everyone meeting and having family over, getting together, black Friday is coming I want to shop but I have no money and Christmas will be here soon and I still won't have any money and then we all exhale after noon on Christmas thinking THANK GOODNESS THIS IS OVER - until you go back to work and have to hear everyone tell you of THEIR fannnnnntastic holiday, family togetherness, they did this, they got that - and somehow we muddle through it until Dec. 31 and hope that we can just be in bed and once again not get asked to go out and celebrate, but.... <u> You</u>Willow- have the worry of this could be the last holiday with everyone together and as the picture in your mind plays the movie you think is how everything should be - it makes you a smorgasbord of emotions on top of all the difficult child :censored: you've had to endure for the year, AND you're alone, AND you don't have many friends - and this is DEPRESSION and holiday BLAHS....but most people think it's JUST around Thanksgiving and Christmas. Well - what if you said November 22 was JUST another day. And have a hamburger - WHO CARES that you aren't having traditional turkey? And Christmas should be celebrated as a BIRTHDAY - which if you refer to the above mention - birthdays fall on the celebration side. Largely I think industry made us forget what Christmas is all about. Tons of snowmen, reindeer, penguins, wrapping paper and one tiny little section about Christ and what the holiday is about. Amazing to me. Jesus must be going _"NO please do NOT celebrate my birthday this year - it makes so many people sad and I'm going to be like 2040" And New Years - means nothing this year - it's just a new year, so what, big fat hairy deal - for 2/3 of the world it is NOT. Then Valentines day - you want chocolates? BUY them yourself by the pound - leave it on the table the night before and in the morning tell yourself thanks for the chocolates and I love you. Hide your own eggs on Easter, Share a 1/2 lighter burnt hot dog with your dog on the 4th - get the idea. Tell yourself that it is just another day - enjoy the time you have with your Father and CELEBRATE his life, busy yourself with making videos of him and do things "in his name" for charity while he's here and tell him you did it for him and your Mom instead of (traditional holiday). It never hurts to start your own traditions, march to a different drum, help others less fortunate. I believe that is what this life is for. It's a test to see how we react despite all the :censored: that gets thrown our way how we're able to help others because if nothing else - this board is a testimony to the fact that you don't have to look far to see someone else with problems greater than (mine & yours). Some days I'm flat out on the ground with my own problems and I come here, read a post like yours and I think - "My cross is not so large to bear - it's just mine." And some days it's all I need to make me feel a little less unfortunate. This year - adopt a child off a mall tree, and SHOP if it's whats in your heart and buy that child toys, clothes - or send a family a meal by going to the grocery store buying a meal and sending it to a food bank or local charity - If giving makes you feel better - then do that. If volunteering is your gig - find a place - heck it may even be something you like to do more than just around the holidays. I've met a ton of really interesting and less fortunate people than myself. When we talk - some are just amazed by my life and some are inspired to do better after they hear my story - it makes me feel like I've done something. Life is so short - Kids grow up so quick, Our family doesn't get to be here forever, and being alone will be what you make it. Remember you may be lonely but you will never be alone. It doesn't hurt to talk it over with a psychologist either. You have a tremendous amount to deal with - maybe you should start by allowing someone to help you sort it all out and break it down so you CAN find the best way to deal with it yourself. If not you are welcome to my house in SC for an orphans thanksgiving. Because every day I am here I give thanks. Many hugs - many, many star [/QUOTE]
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