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Holiday blahs anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 99719" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>There are so many truths in this thread. Alot of things to help put our own individual situations into perspective, validation that your feelings are completely natural and not to be discarded. Great ideas on how to find a way to begin new ways of doing things that can hopefully begin to bring new meanings and joy to special occassions while not getting stuck living in the past and mourning the way "things used to be". This board always amazes me at the support but also at the combined wisdom and wonderful ability for members to put things together in new ways that help us see things in a new light. </p><p>I do relate to the passing of the old, having to let go of old traditions and things that made certain occassions special that have to change. I have been going through this for a couple of years. The death of the "glue" family member for us. Family divisions that forced change because certain family members could not be in the company of others, suddenly have "multiple" get togethers in order to not offend others by choosing sides (a sucky position that will always be sucky but I have learned finally to balance in a way that is healthy for me). difficult child was away for 2 Christmas holidays, 2 years of birthdays (his, mine, easy child's, etc), Thanksgiving etc. It was, in my words, pure h-e-double hockey sticks. Other reasons factored in and holidays suddenly loomed large way ahead of their actual dates. Nothing was the same. </p><p>I have very few friends. Finally I am forging some better/healthier bonds and coming out of my hermit shell. But the past couple of years felt very isolating for me. Family dissintegration was an additional kick in the rear end. Family is important to me. We are next to none of us anymore, closeness in the few of us left has been destroyed. Add in all the day to day life stuff like my horrible medical health, cruddy financial situation, a long term relationship ending, trying to date again and weed out the toxic possibilities, difficult child issues, blah blah blah. You get the picture. </p><p>I made a DECISION. I didn't know if it would work, if we'd enjoy the new "ways" for holidays. But I DECIDED. Just to do something completely different and embrace the fact that things were changing and I was going to not let it ruin things, but start something new. Example: last Christmas I did not do the family dinner at my house. Drama, stress, juggling family members, too much money, disappointment it we never what we had before anyhow and the new way was not working to forge something fun in leui of the old. I instead had "visits" with the family that had time, sometime through the holidays and did tea/coffee, snacks. I destressed Christmas morning by making a decision to do it Christmas eve. Bluffed easy child saying that Santa was coming a night early because then she could spend Christmas eve here having gifts, family time, a nice dinner. Then she could go to her fathers to sleep and share Christmas morning with him for the first time (usually it's gifts on the 25th, then by noon rushing off to her dad's for her week long christmas visit, deflates our day anyhow having her go). She loved it. We had so much fun doing something so out of character for us. My difficult child and I spent the rest of the evening of the 24th watching comedies and laughing our tush's off till the wee hours. After all, no 25th a.m. issues of waking up, being busy etc. We slept in late. We got up, had simple brunch, showered, put on our new pj's, and spent the next 5 hours at a movie theater here in town watching back to back movies we wanted badly to see. We stuffed ourselves with popcorn and got all kinds of great input about coming in our pj's. Theater was near empty anyhow. So we kicked off our shoes, put our feet up which is normally a no no in a theater but works when it's dead in there. We left after dark and drove home enjoying watching the light traffic of people travelling to visits or out walking after their big meals etc. Decorations and lights etc. Shared leftover turkey dinner plates. Played Risk until something crazy like 5a.m., and then slept off/on all of the 26th with breaks from sleep to play with Christmas presents (even mom gets a toy for christmas, new tradition started that year for this purpose). </p><p>What would work for you and difficult child? What would be fun if you two could just claim a day or two as YOURS to do everything you both enjoy doing together??? What food do you two both enjoy but dont have often? If you can find how you two can best have a great time with just the two of you, something different than the norm for you two, I can almost assure that you two are going to suddenly go from the lonely aspect to realizing that you have a chance to forge something new and WONDERFUL. The past will then become great memories and the present suddenly has new ability to enjoy and the future isn't so daunting because change suddenly isn't a black cloud. </p><p>I had to do the "mind over matter" trick to pull all these changes off. I wasn't convinced the whole thing would flop and 2006 could well have been written in history as our worst holidays ever. But here I am, in 2007, with both of my kids no longer upset at the changes (nor am I) or the letting go of previous traditions. Both difficult child and easy child practically begged to redo last years plan to the T. I completely agreed. A new tradition was formed. Untraditional for most people. Turns out perfect for us. This will also change again. We know this. A few more years and difficult child will no longer live home, he'll be a man on his own (yikes). Then easy child and I will rethink things and I am no longer scared of it coming down the line. I have learned that to embrace change can make it great!</p><p>I hope you can find something that is going to not only get you through holidays this year, but also bring you new joys.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 99719, member: 4264"] There are so many truths in this thread. Alot of things to help put our own individual situations into perspective, validation that your feelings are completely natural and not to be discarded. Great ideas on how to find a way to begin new ways of doing things that can hopefully begin to bring new meanings and joy to special occassions while not getting stuck living in the past and mourning the way "things used to be". This board always amazes me at the support but also at the combined wisdom and wonderful ability for members to put things together in new ways that help us see things in a new light. I do relate to the passing of the old, having to let go of old traditions and things that made certain occassions special that have to change. I have been going through this for a couple of years. The death of the "glue" family member for us. Family divisions that forced change because certain family members could not be in the company of others, suddenly have "multiple" get togethers in order to not offend others by choosing sides (a sucky position that will always be sucky but I have learned finally to balance in a way that is healthy for me). difficult child was away for 2 Christmas holidays, 2 years of birthdays (his, mine, easy child's, etc), Thanksgiving etc. It was, in my words, pure h-e-double hockey sticks. Other reasons factored in and holidays suddenly loomed large way ahead of their actual dates. Nothing was the same. I have very few friends. Finally I am forging some better/healthier bonds and coming out of my hermit shell. But the past couple of years felt very isolating for me. Family dissintegration was an additional kick in the rear end. Family is important to me. We are next to none of us anymore, closeness in the few of us left has been destroyed. Add in all the day to day life stuff like my horrible medical health, cruddy financial situation, a long term relationship ending, trying to date again and weed out the toxic possibilities, difficult child issues, blah blah blah. You get the picture. I made a DECISION. I didn't know if it would work, if we'd enjoy the new "ways" for holidays. But I DECIDED. Just to do something completely different and embrace the fact that things were changing and I was going to not let it ruin things, but start something new. Example: last Christmas I did not do the family dinner at my house. Drama, stress, juggling family members, too much money, disappointment it we never what we had before anyhow and the new way was not working to forge something fun in leui of the old. I instead had "visits" with the family that had time, sometime through the holidays and did tea/coffee, snacks. I destressed Christmas morning by making a decision to do it Christmas eve. Bluffed easy child saying that Santa was coming a night early because then she could spend Christmas eve here having gifts, family time, a nice dinner. Then she could go to her fathers to sleep and share Christmas morning with him for the first time (usually it's gifts on the 25th, then by noon rushing off to her dad's for her week long christmas visit, deflates our day anyhow having her go). She loved it. We had so much fun doing something so out of character for us. My difficult child and I spent the rest of the evening of the 24th watching comedies and laughing our tush's off till the wee hours. After all, no 25th a.m. issues of waking up, being busy etc. We slept in late. We got up, had simple brunch, showered, put on our new pj's, and spent the next 5 hours at a movie theater here in town watching back to back movies we wanted badly to see. We stuffed ourselves with popcorn and got all kinds of great input about coming in our pj's. Theater was near empty anyhow. So we kicked off our shoes, put our feet up which is normally a no no in a theater but works when it's dead in there. We left after dark and drove home enjoying watching the light traffic of people travelling to visits or out walking after their big meals etc. Decorations and lights etc. Shared leftover turkey dinner plates. Played Risk until something crazy like 5a.m., and then slept off/on all of the 26th with breaks from sleep to play with Christmas presents (even mom gets a toy for christmas, new tradition started that year for this purpose). What would work for you and difficult child? What would be fun if you two could just claim a day or two as YOURS to do everything you both enjoy doing together??? What food do you two both enjoy but dont have often? If you can find how you two can best have a great time with just the two of you, something different than the norm for you two, I can almost assure that you two are going to suddenly go from the lonely aspect to realizing that you have a chance to forge something new and WONDERFUL. The past will then become great memories and the present suddenly has new ability to enjoy and the future isn't so daunting because change suddenly isn't a black cloud. I had to do the "mind over matter" trick to pull all these changes off. I wasn't convinced the whole thing would flop and 2006 could well have been written in history as our worst holidays ever. But here I am, in 2007, with both of my kids no longer upset at the changes (nor am I) or the letting go of previous traditions. Both difficult child and easy child practically begged to redo last years plan to the T. I completely agreed. A new tradition was formed. Untraditional for most people. Turns out perfect for us. This will also change again. We know this. A few more years and difficult child will no longer live home, he'll be a man on his own (yikes). Then easy child and I will rethink things and I am no longer scared of it coming down the line. I have learned that to embrace change can make it great! I hope you can find something that is going to not only get you through holidays this year, but also bring you new joys. [/QUOTE]
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