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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 263353"><p>Hi Fran.</p><p>difficult child was always hyper and impulsive to the extreme as a young child. </p><p>In fourth grade, she had the brain aneurysm. It was classified "gigantic." It was clipped. It bled during surgery. It was an ordeal...too long to go into here. Afterward, she immediatley went into puberty. Docs said this was common. Her impulsivity slighly worsened and the mood swings started. All extreme. Our family was devasted. We had no help. At one point, my son and I were thought to have PTSD (long story)...this was told to me by a big time highly respected social worker.</p><p> </p><p>Someone at the hospital speculated that her "issues" were a direct result of having a medical problem. Others didn't wish to entertain this notion. Others said it was irrelevant because the medications she would end up getting would be the same.</p><p> </p><p>Our son had always been a wonderful easy child kid. One year in high school he faltered BADLY. I recall that difficult child...surprisingly...would make fun of the way he HATED our family. That year...he just turned on us horribly. She "understood" this. (He knock on wood...is doing beautifully today!)</p><p> </p><p>However, in recent times...she is the one doing this. The hatred, etc. Perhaps it is a delayed puperty. Perhaps it an attachment issue. She always had a little tendency to do this...but in the last few years...it is PROFOUND.</p><p> </p><p>Since she has been in an apartment...it is curious how she seems to almost identify with folks with- no family, etc. People who have moms and dads who never cared for them in any way. She likes to care for the underdog, etc. I have heard this before about adopted kids. I think this is how they think of themselves.</p><p> </p><p>I think her self talk must be very ugly...and I am clueless about how to "fix" this...the bottom line is that I don't really think I can fix it. </p><p> </p><p>What in the world makes a person just decide that they are a worthy human being and deserving of a loving family?</p><p> </p><p>Regarding the fluff over substance...that DOES describe the situation. She wanted an apartment when friends were going to college...but she didn't ahve a job nor was she going to college. She wasn't prepared to do a THING about it either. And she was TOTALLY CLUELESS ABOUT IT ALL. She spends all her food money...and is ANGRY when hungy. She will PAN HANDLE. Today, she threatened to do that. husband said, "If you panhandle...I will simply cut you off...that is illegal and unacceptable in my book. You spent all yoru money...now you will have to wait until the appropraite time to get additional money." Sadly, it doesn't occur to her to SAVE in the first place or to ask if she could wash my car or something....these were the things I did as a young person (although I was younger than her) when I needed a few dollars. Still...it would NEVER EVER EVER occur to me to 1) spend all my money and 2) pan handle. The thinking is so faulty. Few understand this. </p><p> </p><p>It's unclear to me if toughlove will make a difference. I have friends who tell me that in the end it does...but its hard to watch the fall out until the individual recognizes that they have other choices to make. I'm willing to provide some assistance to my child...recognizing that she might have some limitations...but I think the entitlement demons need to be exiled.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 263353"] Hi Fran. difficult child was always hyper and impulsive to the extreme as a young child. In fourth grade, she had the brain aneurysm. It was classified "gigantic." It was clipped. It bled during surgery. It was an ordeal...too long to go into here. Afterward, she immediatley went into puberty. Docs said this was common. Her impulsivity slighly worsened and the mood swings started. All extreme. Our family was devasted. We had no help. At one point, my son and I were thought to have PTSD (long story)...this was told to me by a big time highly respected social worker. Someone at the hospital speculated that her "issues" were a direct result of having a medical problem. Others didn't wish to entertain this notion. Others said it was irrelevant because the medications she would end up getting would be the same. Our son had always been a wonderful easy child kid. One year in high school he faltered BADLY. I recall that difficult child...surprisingly...would make fun of the way he HATED our family. That year...he just turned on us horribly. She "understood" this. (He knock on wood...is doing beautifully today!) However, in recent times...she is the one doing this. The hatred, etc. Perhaps it is a delayed puperty. Perhaps it an attachment issue. She always had a little tendency to do this...but in the last few years...it is PROFOUND. Since she has been in an apartment...it is curious how she seems to almost identify with folks with- no family, etc. People who have moms and dads who never cared for them in any way. She likes to care for the underdog, etc. I have heard this before about adopted kids. I think this is how they think of themselves. I think her self talk must be very ugly...and I am clueless about how to "fix" this...the bottom line is that I don't really think I can fix it. What in the world makes a person just decide that they are a worthy human being and deserving of a loving family? Regarding the fluff over substance...that DOES describe the situation. She wanted an apartment when friends were going to college...but she didn't ahve a job nor was she going to college. She wasn't prepared to do a THING about it either. And she was TOTALLY CLUELESS ABOUT IT ALL. She spends all her food money...and is ANGRY when hungy. She will PAN HANDLE. Today, she threatened to do that. husband said, "If you panhandle...I will simply cut you off...that is illegal and unacceptable in my book. You spent all yoru money...now you will have to wait until the appropraite time to get additional money." Sadly, it doesn't occur to her to SAVE in the first place or to ask if she could wash my car or something....these were the things I did as a young person (although I was younger than her) when I needed a few dollars. Still...it would NEVER EVER EVER occur to me to 1) spend all my money and 2) pan handle. The thinking is so faulty. Few understand this. It's unclear to me if toughlove will make a difference. I have friends who tell me that in the end it does...but its hard to watch the fall out until the individual recognizes that they have other choices to make. I'm willing to provide some assistance to my child...recognizing that she might have some limitations...but I think the entitlement demons need to be exiled. [/QUOTE]
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