Holy sh*t, Batman! Can ANYthing else happen?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by TerryJ2, Mar 23, 2015.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    T, D's mom called me today. D's blood tests came back. The blood tests were taken the day that D had her ultrasound.
    She has chlamydia.
    I called difficult child and told him to meet me immediately at the dr's ofc. In fact, our pediatrician. He hasn't had time to find an grown-up dr. And I know from talking to one of the other doctors there (I ran into him at a party) that STDs are the most common item that is seen in their clinic. No, not immunizations. Not broken bones. Not ear infections. STDs. That was yrs ago, but it stuck in my mind.

    Unfortunately, I was supposed to meet with-difficult child teachers today and had accidentally booked my oral surgeon implant checkup at the same time. I also booked difficult child for his CBC and lithium blood draw, and thc blood and urine tests at 3:45. Did NOT expect this!!! I ran over and changed the surgeon appointment to 4 p.m., then ran to school, shook hands with-2 teachers, apologized, and grabbed a ton of paperwork for difficult child, and ran to meet him at the pediatrician's office. I know that you don't have to test and treat the same day like it's a snake bite, but I also know that difficult child reacts emotionally and this was a strike-while-the-iron-is hot opportunity I could not pass up.

    His new girlfriend, H, dropped him off, thinking she could wait ... but she had to leave at 3:30. Plus, her phone died. The nurse told difficult child he had to wait 10-20 min before he went home, to see if he had an allergic reaction to the shot they gave him. To add to his alarm and stress, she left and he lost his hope of escape with her. (I think she saw me pull up 15 min after difficult child went in and she ditched out. That's what *I* would have done. :) )
    The dr was very direct and answered all of our questions. difficult child basically sat there and fought tears the entire time. Good news--easy, one-day treatment. Except that the emycin is taken in a single, 4-pill dose, and it makes you nauseated. The dr also said that the ONLY way you can transmit this is sexually. difficult child shook his head. The dr said, "I'm not getting into the middle of this. I'm just telling you that one of you is lying."

    And, as difficult child discovered, the exam really, really, really hurts. As does the other antibiotic shot.
    The nurse told him to lie on his stomach, spread his legs, and point his toes outward to relax his buttox. "I didn't know that," I said. "I have a pulled S.I. Joint. Maybe that will help."
    Turns out, difficult child's symptoms afterward were EXACTLY like my S.I. joint problems. He limped and yelped and groaned and said the pain went all the way down his calf and to his foot. Exactly like mine, I said. He didn't catch that, but I sympathized and also chuckled a bit at the unexpected karma.

    The dr came in to the room where I waited (I was there for the initial history but left for the sample) and he took a swab with a Qtip from the opening of the p*nis. Then, he gave difficult child a quick lecture on how he has to step up as the father and do the right thing. And he added, "God gave you hands. Forget the sex. use your hand! It's safer!" I burst out laughing and said, "Did you really tell him that? You really said that?"
    "Yes, I certainly did," he said.
    I had to re-enter the room and watch difficult child get the nasty butt-shot and had to keep the smile off my face.

    Then ... after his new girlfriend left, and I had hid behind the foyer door watching to make sure he didn't take off with-her, he came in and got me and we left to go get his "regular" blood draw and THC urine sample. Only 4 blocks away. How convenient.
    He begged not to, and I said it's best to get this all over with today and gave him NO out.
    He told me he nearly passed out when the dr did the STD s*men test. (Not sure if the board flags these words so I'm putting asterisks in place of vowels to beat the Bad Word Bot.)
    The good news is, no allergic reaction to the shot.

    The bad news is that he immediately texted ex girlfriend and his persistence and perseverance, which can be truly obnoxious and has driven me to tears, paid off. She said she had s*x with-another kid in Feb. But they stopped it because she didn't like it. LIke, mid-stream if not before. Then she said, it was actually only or*l s*x. And plus,Da, they guy, had randomly been tested for this disease and he didn't have it.
    difficult child looked as me as I was driving and said, "No one would randomly be tested for chlamydia and have something stuck up his p*nis hole--RANDOMLY. He's lying. Plus I know he's been with C, and she's a slut!"

    We were pulling out of the pharma pkng lot where we picked up the emycin, and who should be getting gas not 300 yds away but D, the guy that D girlfriend said she had O s*x with. difficult child called D immediately -- no texting this time--and yelled, "You know how you said that Da couldn't text you back because he said he had a soccer game? I just saw him and his truck at the gas station. Just thought you might want to know that. He's lying. AGAIN."

    difficult child said that he and D hadn't had s*x since Dec., before they broke up. But he still thinks that the baby is his because of the timing. And D just had sex with-Da because she'd broken up with difficult child and wanted to be with someone to make her feel better.
    I told difficult child that if she is lying about this, she could be lying about WHEN. And that I was going to do a paternity test.

    What he does not know is that while he was in the men's room pe*ing in a cup, I was talking to the nurse and asking if that lab did paternity tests.
    But not in-utero. You wait until the baby is born. But we can do difficult child's test any time we want.

    Meanwhile, difficult child said that he wants to arrange for Da to be jumped. NO!!!!
    Wait for the test results.
    Karma will hit him.
    This could get ugly.

    Also, I looked up ways to transmit chlamydia. Yes it can be transmitted orally, but the symptoms typically end up also being oral and throat-related.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Okay, so he said that she has had a sore throat lately.

    And no, new girlfriend H does not know any of this.
  3. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    OMG! I say nothing but been there done that and I know the turmoil, anger, and hurt you are feeling. Sending you warm caring hugs.
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    New girlfriend is no saint. Do not let the hijab fool you.
  5. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Wow...you have had one heck of a day. I hope you can go home, take a bubble bath, take a walk/read a good book/eat some chocolate.

    You deserve it. Hang in there. Things have a way of working themselves out sometimes.

    I am hoping this is one of those times for you.
  6. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Oh my goodness!! You have so much going on and to add this to the mix. I'm surprised you don't pass yourself in the hall with everything you are dealing with.

    I think getting a paternity test is a must.

    I do hope you are taking some time for yourself. You give and give and give, please take care of yourself.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Wow, Terry! What a day! I think a paternity test is a great idea, and I'm glad Difficult Child had some consequences given to him by someone other than you or Hubby.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you all. YES to a paternity test. I had my doubts, but no more.:hangin:

    difficult child just thanked me for today and gave me a hug.:916wildone:

    Today: :twister2:
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yes, natural consequences.
    And I was not giving him an out.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Are you sure Difficult Child isn't doing the deed with H? It doesn't sound right. I'll bet they are. H. better get a test. Muslim or not, this girl is just another Difficult Child and I'll bet she's playing around. I don't care if Difficult Child denies it or not. I still think they are.

    Ugh. What a horrid day for you. Do something really nice for yourself. You earned it.
  11. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hang in there Terry, tomorrow has GOT to be better! HUGS to you.....
  12. Wow, Terry! So sorry you're dealing with all this. That's so stressful. Sending you a virtual hug.

  13. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I think it would be really, really wrong to tell H yourself...but Difficult Child definitely should if they have been intimate...even orally. I know for some reason "only oral" is supposed to not be "sex" to kids these days. Beats me why. I always considered it more intimate than intercourse, not less.
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I am very concerned that they are ...
    but I still don't have her phone number.
    I agree, it would be very wrong to tell her myself.
    How do I get difficult child to tell her? He only learns by doing, not by talking.
    He is terrified and angry ... He's probably still capable of the same denial that he was in with D. Even after all of this.

    Just read a magazine compilation on Leonard Nimoy and of course, his character for so many years, Mr. Spock. Oh, how I would love to do a mind-meld, and then have the recipient, H, erase the person who told her ...
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Why is it wrong to tell her yourself if he doesn't? She has to know. Can you really trust Difficult Child to tell you the truth about telling her?

    If it were me, I'd say something like (staring hard at her) "Look, if he did tell you, you know what I'm talking about. You're going to go to the doctor about this, right? He told you?"

    What if this were AIDS? I know it isn't, but not only does she NEED to know for sure and our Difficult Child can't be trusted, but I feel it's morally wrong not to be positive she does know.

    If Difficult Child doesn't want you going places he doesn't want you to go, then he should use protection and handle his STDs himself. You were with him and even in the room with him, just as if he were still a child. To me, it's a no-brainer. You do what's right and don't expect any Difficult Child to do the adult thing. If it messes up his relationship with H, oh well. He is still living under your roof and you are supporting him. The girl needs to know and they both at least need to understand that there are real world consequences for unprotected sex. A baby is already cookin' in one of them. What if he gets H pregnant too?

    We can only control ourselves. If it were me, I wouldn't feel at all bad about telling H. I'd feel horrible if I didn't. For all we know she is unfaithful and is spreading the joy to other young men. Our Difficult Child did not earn our trust and we can't take their word for anything, even if they swear they told her or aren't having sex and use a Bible. This is JMO, but I'm not at all timid when I feel it's the right thing to do.
  16. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    An alternative would be to tell him that he either tells her in front of you today or you'll tell her. Listen. Make sure he told her the truth even if he cries. If he's old enough to have sex, he's old enough to be a man tell her the truth.
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  17. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    If he has infected H then I wonder if she can re-infect him. I know he got the shot and pills but once he's "cured" and some time has passed he might get it again from her. I suppose that's a question for the Dr.

    If H has been infected then she has a right to know. You might consider telling Difficult Child that if he doesn't tell her then you may have to. Hopefully that will get him to tell her.
    He made an adult decison to have sex but is not willing to deal with consequences as an adult. If you hadn't taken him to the Dr. would he have gone on his own??

    Of course all of this is based on whether or not they have engaged in sex or not, that's the question that you may not get a truthful answer on.

    Wishing you the best and sending you ((HUGS))
  18. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I have less of a problem with this.

    I guess my feelings are what's past is past and his past (granted not long past) is not her business if they have not yet been intimate. I agree he should tell her about the baby...after all, it's not like you can keep that one private for long...but a STD? I don't know, telling someone else something that private just seems wrong when you aren't sure they are having sex.

    JMO, and really, just a gut reaction.
  19. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Thank goodness your son got testing and tx. And, I agree about the natural consequences part of it as well.
    Although it may not seem like it at times, you are holding up well. You are strong. Take extra good care of yourself. Private therapy with your own therapist, if not doing so already, maybe a massage, get out to dinner with your husband, get your hair done...whatever you can think of. It's important that you go to maximum self care level 10. (((Hugs)))
  20. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Lil, my sister dated a guy who had herpes and he didn't tell her for months. She could have caught it. There are some things that you can't just move on from, even if that makes it prettier. What if you had a daughter and he was perhaps having sex with her?

    Someone I know got HPV from a guy. You know that HPV is far more serious to a girl than a guy. She didn't know it until she had female problems, pre-cancer.

    Sorry, I know your have a son, but if you are going to play in the sexual field the other person has a right to know if you gave her or have any STDs and in my opinion we are morally inept if we allow our boys or girls to get away with lying to partners about they may contract by doing the deed with our kids. Or us. This is far worse than just enabling. We are allowing somebody else to possibly get sick and spread something even more because we don't want to offend our young adult's dirty secrets. That takes enabling to a whole other level in my opinion (I mean no offense. I think you get it more if you have a girl).

    When I first got divorced, my very first date was with an extremely hot man in his thirties. Wow, was he hot. He barely touched me and I didn't get it. Later, he told me he was HIV positive. I cringed. Not that I was Debbie Does Dallas...I was actually a prude, but after seventeen years of rather poor sex, I was looking for somebody to love and enjoy in every way. If he hadn't told me, it could have been him. He was sweet as well as gorgeous. Turns out his dead wife had a kidney disorder, had many blood transplants, and when they had a baby, the baby died. The baby was born with AIDS. SHe had it too. He then found out he had it. WHat if he hadn't told me?

    I think one important life's lesson to teach our still young adult children is to be honest about things that are health-related. What if some AIDS infected, HPV infected, Herpes infected or any STD infected woman had sex with your son and hadn't told him? It's not privacy anymore, in my opinion, when you put somebody else at risk to make your own life easier.

    I consider this a safety issue. It's not about what happened, what didn't happen, when it happened. It is something H. needs to know, regardless of how she finds out. We can not trust our Difficult Child to be brave enough to lay a bombshell like this on their latest hottie. If we know about it, and Terry took him to a pediatrician and was with him for his shot, H. is owed the truth. And I would make sure she got the truth. If Difficult Child wouldn't do it in front of me, I'd tell her or I'd lose many nights of sleep.
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List