Home from 7+ weeks of brain washing

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Babbs, Aug 23, 2007.

  1. Babbs

    Babbs New Member

    I'm happy cause my son's home!!!!!

    But OMG am I :censored2: off at the 7+ weeks of brain washing my ex-AH of a sperm donor did.

    1) 7 year old spent 7+ weeks sleeping on a mattress on the living room floor. When it was bedtime, my son told me "I was told roll over and face the wall." Ex-AH and his girlfriend didn't turn off the lights and exit the room, they continued to watch TV or whatever.

    2) Ex-AH's girlfriend apparently chain smokes. My son is borderline asthmatic. 7+ weeks sucking in 2nd hand smoke without even a private room to retreat to. His clothes came back saturated with the smell.

    3) 7 year old told his psychiatrist today that "I don't have AD/HD, my daddy told me so." 'nuff said.

    4) 7 year old told me and his psychiatrist that "I don't want to take medication, my daddy told me it doesn't help and is a waste of his money."

    5) 7 year old can talk about nothing but Transformers the movie - a PG 13 film with explicit violence. Great movie choice for a child with a concurrent diagnoses of ODD who likes to kick, bite, and headbutt.

    6) I found a few dollars in the dryer, having escaped from my SO's jeans pocket. I joked aloud that my SO was now "paying me I guess to do his laundry." My son told me "stop being so greedy mommy, you're making daddy poor." Apparently ex-AH told my son that I'm so greedy that his daddy's having to pay me money and that's why his daddy is "poor." <insert discussion/education about child support at a 7 year old's level of comprehension>

    7) And last but definitely not least, when asked what his favorite parts about the summer were, his first response was "Transformers" and second was "leaving <ex-AH's place of residence> to come home."

  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Might want to ask if ex gave difficult child his medications during this visit. It might be a violation of his visitation rights. (not medicating a medical condition)

    Sounds like ex is a whiner. If difficult child is glad to be home to the point it's the happiest part of his summer, I'd say the "brainwashing" didn't sink in too far.

    Glad you have your lil guy home. :biggrin:

  3. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    And when your son is 16, he'll not want to spend any time with him and your ex will blame you for bad-mouthing him to his son. Oh wait, sorry...that's my situation. They sound so much alike I was confused for a moment. :wink: I told ex I don't have to say a word; he does it all by himself. Kids are quick to catch on to these things.

    I'd check into the medications thing, like Lisa said...that's a good idea. It was also written into our divorce papers (ex's idea...what a joke) that there would be no bad-mouthing of the other parent (ok, so it's worded better, but you know what I mean). He used to highlight sections and mail it to me. It was my form of entertainment for awhile. You know what a guilty conscience will make one do. Like I said, I never had to say a word to my son about how his dad is. He saw it for himself. However, I know for a fact that my ex did it often. He did it in front of me once and my son turned on him so fast. Never knew my ex's eyes could open that big. Jerk.

    I hate to break it to you, but it doesn't get much better as time goes by. My son has been home from his dad's for over a month and he spent 3 hours tonight telling me how miserable he was there, how he thinks they don't trust him, don't like him, etc, etc. Tonight was the first time he really talked about it. I got bits and pieces while he was down there (Atlanta)...we chatted online almost every night the last 2 weeks he was there. But, he keeps things in and doesn't let it out until he just can't stand it anymore. Breaks my heart, as I'm sure yours is, too.

    I'm glad your boy is home. Give him extra hugs.
  4. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Even at 7 he knows where "home" is......

    Given almost asthmatic condition could you ask for a "smoke-free" environment for the visit(meaning written into the custody/visitation rules). Seems to me your ex would put his girlfriend before your son and maybe even shorten or end the visit.....don't know what your preference would be.....
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So you're right up there with-Transformers? Consider yourself elevated to a place of reverence. Congratulations!
    Sheesh. Nice life. I can see why he's your ex. :frown:
    The hard part will be keeping a still upper lip while difficult child gets all the negative, twisted comments out of his mouth and mind. It will happen, though. Just emphasize things like, "Oh, I washed your clothes today. Don't they smell CLEAN?" and "I know how nice it is to get back into your very own bed in your very own room."
    Simplicity with-punch is everything. :smile:
  6. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Sorry about this. Blessedly difficult children don't have to visit with their former parent however easy child when she comes back from her dad he does some of those things. She has figured out many things over the years right up to that I don't care how he feels about me. I think exs are their own brand of difficult child and hence the reason they are an ex.

    Hope he transitions back well.

  7. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I have so been there done that.........I could have written your post. Heck, I am there, and doing that! I so wish I could say it gets better - but at least for us, that is not the case. Hopefully for you it will be!

    I hate, hate, hate it for our kids! Give him a big hug, and wrap him up tight in your love and in the truth.

    Hang in there.
  8. Babbs

    Babbs New Member

    Thank you for all the support! Somehow, even though intellectually I know and concurr with what daisylover and wyntersgrace said, emotionally it's just so hard to take a deep breath sometimes and move on.

    Unfortunately, Alaska doesn't require parenting plans as part of a divorce involving a child. The judge I got stuck with is on a circuit court, so he does criminal as well as civil court. Luckily he's due to retire in the next year or two, but until then anything I bring up in court this judge ignores. I filed to request ex-AH to be held in contempt because he refused to sign my son up for summer school and counseling, despite it being written in the divorce settlement. After he received the court papers requesting that he be held in contempt, ex-AH started "homeschooling" my son and started counseling appointments two weeks before the end of visitation (instead of weekly since the beginning per the settlement). Despite such clear lack of compliance, the judge did nothing.

    The truely sad thing is that my ex-AH started spanking my son again during this visit and permitted his girlfriend to spank my son also. We had an agreement to not use corporal punishment which HE requested, but of course he broke. His reasoning? <Quote>"It was in response to him lashing out at us physically. We both explained that attacking others will cause the person to attack or defend themselves." Um yeah, great. His reasoning is cause the 7 year old hit him first...

    I've been hugging my little guy tight, he's only had 2 or 3 meltdowns in the past 2 days - mostly tears, glad to no physical aggression again <crossing fingers that it lasts>.
  9. Liahona

    Liahona Active Member

    I'm sorry someone else goes through this as well. Mine comes back with very similar comments. We went through the "I'm not taking my medications because daddy says not to" I just applied the consequence until he decided to take them. Plus, we went to the dr who explained that he had to take his medications. We've also had the child support discussion.
  10. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I think the best thing is to make sure this doesn't happen next summer. Honestly, around here, not having a proper place to sleep would be a big reason for him not to get that long of a visitation. I don't know what the laws are where you live, but they are much more strict here, I guess. As far as the health issues, keep track of all of it and when it comes time for visitation next year, tell him no or take you to court.