Home intensive therapy has begun..YEY!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Ropefree, Nov 21, 2008.

  1. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    Hello my knowing public!

    The first session went well and the advantages are the time we spend revealing what is not otherwise being said and I am so glade.

    (...for the word weary...this is the gest of the message..) thank your for caring.......the details to follow are just details.

    My actions: calling the police when my son was swearing at me and pushing me...continue to be "the problem" according to my son.
    That and that the friends are uniformly now unwilling to visit. (I had thrown out teens and had contacted parents in the last months over the new behavor of staying out all night and the attemps to have overnights with mixed groups without supervision)
    and I called the police when the parents of one who my son was with did not answer their phones and the curfew had been missed and my calls were not answered.
    and because the adult homeless fellow that has been latching on to teens and going to their houses for sleep and food and bathing and was with them when the last unauthorized overnighter happened is on my list for immediate action when seen.


    The pot smoking parents of teens who are failing in school and have had numerous occations when the older now moved away adults were arrested and in jail for one after another thing...well, they do not LIKE me...because the police were at there door and learned that they DID NOT know where their son was..(the last time the police were tracking Mom down her son was in ER)

    We are focusing on the communication and the use of the phone to call me and keep me informed as to where and with whom and following the rules about being in supervised situations after dark.

    And the dialogue that the therapist is starting IS already helping.

    All the books that talk about medications also say that behavor help is important and as long as students are doing work no one cares.

    The small families without any or meaningful support of other caring adults need the help AT HOME.
    And families that have memebers with depressive illness need the caring
    support and ideas AT HOME, too.

    Because I am doing this alone I really apreciate the ideas that others offer
    because I am ALONE...the single head...and it does help fill the void when
    another adult or teen or child is in the dialogue...it stirs up a reason to talk and be involved.

    Now we live in a house with rooms. For most of our lives together we have lived in one room, or less, and the seperation we installed to cope has now become a useless shoe.

    It is the socializing issues that matter too. And the child who is not surrounded by possitive people supporting them, even really wonderfull and terrific kids, are so vunerable to peers with all their inclinations.

    Anyway...my childs psyciatrist called me the lone ranger of Special Education because I insisted that the services he needed be implimented (he qualified) even though the usual measure in their minds was failing grades.

    Our brillliant and diagnosed children are as tripped up by their unique learning skills and I think it adds stress that we can only imagin for them.
    Some of the learners need enrichments...not remenial help..and that independant education plan has to be taylored to their abilities...not policy.

    And the social piece is so difficult as well. In fifth grade my son was in tears because the friends he met first didn't like to read.
    Having a behavor impulse issue and being able to think are not mutually exclusive.

    The fact is the first school psycologist who called me said that my son would never learn math and whatever...he said he would have to be a laborer.;)

    That "expert" was just plain a fool. ANd I shutter to think that someone who did not have the curiousity and drive to dig through what is our there
    and learn enough about the state of the sciences and the various schools of thought and human developement might be inclined to just let the
    indifferance of others result in the neglect that I do believe we are witnessing everyday in so many younge even now. That is terrible.

    I am tierd. I am broke and looking at the holidays again this year with not enough. My son is doing excellantly in school and it is a pain in my heart that I can not reward him for all his good work with more of what he does need and can benifit from. ANd as awfull as he has been lately in this teen
    faze I am darn proud as heck who he is and how much he does do well.

    In fact his recent issues..after I got over my intial reactive emotions.....I think are more about the places where he does not have the caring attention of others and peers in step with himself. Or models to follow that
    jell friend wise.

    Next week another session...I hope all this proves to serve well. Thanks for being word enthusists.

    I am much worse in person.
    Lucky you,eh?;)
     
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I am so glad you are happy with that 1st session. I hope they continue as well.

    It is so good that you see the good qualities in your son. Focusing on pulling those out and in the front line is such a positve for him. I think the clue to life is finding those good things in our kids and helping them to shine through the difficulties.

    Keep us posted as things progress.
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there :)
    I want to answer because you said before that you felt ignored and I don't want you to feel that way.
    I am glad things went well. I *did* have trouble following your post though. Maybe you should post shorter ones? I didn't totally understand what you were trying to get across.
    I would like to try to support you better, so I hope you are not offended.
    I wish you good luck with your therapy.
     
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi,

    I'm glad the first session went well also. Is he currently taking any medications??So, what you were saying was that the other parents are ridiculous also, that is the parents of difficult child's (your son's ) friends??

    It is difficult deailng with teenagers in anyway, shape, or form.

    I hope the next session proves to be helpful as well.

    :) Keep us posted.
     
  5. ML

    ML Guest

    I too had a little trouble following this post but as I see you are creative and poetic it must be a kind of therapy getting the words out, almost like journaling? I followed enough to get that you are a concerned and involved parent who is struggling like the rest of us. I identified to many of your expressed feelings. I hope that the spirit of the holidays touches your family's heart and that you find joy in the "little" things which truly mean the most.
    Hugs,
    ML
     
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad you came back. You are a creative writer, I can see that. I think it would be easier for me and maybe others to follow if you made your posts shorter. It's hard to take in so much information. But I am sure it is a relief to be able to write and have someone listen.

    I did understand enough to be able to commiserate with you on havign to call police on other kids when they are breaking the law and it seems like there is no other adult who cares. I have already sat in the driveway of a house where my difficult child and several other kids had gathered after they cut school and were drinking and doing drugs, waiting for the police to come and get my difficult child out. And I have been known to call parents and inform them when their teens were involved in illegal activities when it impacted my difficult child.

    I'm glad you first in-home session went well and that it continues.

    Nancy
     
  7. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    I know what it's like to have really nothing to reward difficult child with when she's doing a fantastic job. But sometimes it's just the little things they want - a hug, encouragement, love - that makes them feel good. Hope your in-home sessions continue the open dialog!
     
  8. maril

    maril New Member

    Wishes for continued success with the therapy! Having support gives a sense of relief. :D

    I have spoken with our local police on the phone; as well, they have been at our house a couple of times in recent months, all due to troubles with difficult child (17 years old). He doesn't seem to dwell on the fact that the police were called but does have a bit of lack of trust in us, since we chose to go through with a 302 when he was admitted to the hospital last month.

    It's so much fun raising teens! :faint:
     
  9. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I'm glad that you gained some hope after the first session. I know your son needs some positive role models. Have you checked into some community support groups: Big Brothers is a good group---the YMCA also has great programs. Although I am not a single parents for a few years I was alone raising my children while my husband was caught up in his addiction. I reached out to as many possible places as possible for positive role models.

    On another note, please be careful blaming your son's actions on others. For years my husband did that. He also blamed difficult child's friends for the trouble difficult child got into. When he finally got clean, he began to see that difficult child was the cause of his choices. When a child feels like he is not responsible for his own decisions, it makes it easier to make bad ones.
     
  10. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I'm glad that you gained some hope after the first session. I know your son needs some positive role models. Have you checked into some community support groups: Big Brothers is a good group---the YMCA also has great programs. Although I am not a single parents for a few years I was alone raising my children while my husband was caught up in his addiction. I reached out to as many possible places as possible for positive role models.

    On another note, please be careful blaming your son's actions on others. For years my husband did that. He also blamed difficult child's friends for the trouble difficult child got into. When he finally got clean, he began to see that difficult child was the cause of his choices. When a child feels like he is not responsible for his own decisions, it makes it easier to make bad ones.
     
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