Home pass Sunday

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tracy551, Apr 26, 2007.

  1. tracy551

    tracy551 New Member

    Well got a call today from difficult child's caseworker. They are giving him a home pass for Sunday. He's happy about except for the fact that he wanted Saturday. He told me tonight on on phone if he can't have Saturday he doesn't want it. I told him fine that will be less traveling for me. He quickly changed his tune. I layed down what we needed to do before we came home and if that's a problem let me know now. Of course he was ok with it. This is the first he will be home in 6 weeks.
    I'm already stressed about this. He goes to court on Tuesday to see if and which Residential Treatment Center (RTC) he could go to. He doesn't get it HE DOES NOT DICTATE THE OUTCOME OF ALL THIS!!!!! :nonono: I feel bad about him going to placement but the stress level has been less since he's been out of the home. ( That make me feel guilty too)
    I told difficult child tonight that he should be more appreciative of all the changes he has put his family thru, of course you get nothing in response :grrr: it's still all about him.
  2. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    I know how your mommy heart feels

    You can finally breathe without feeling like your going to have a stroke and you find yourself feeling guilty about it.

    I also know that somewhere in the difficult child handbook it is written ~~~


    It is so much easier to deal with them if ALL the rules are discussed BEFORE he gets home

    Watch out for the "I am just going to______ with_____ it won't take 5 mins"

    Wish you peace

    Stop the guilty feelings, they will consume you if you allow them
  3. oceans

    oceans New Member

    Good luck on the visit! I hope it goes well. Maybe this will give you a clearer picture on how he is doing.
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    That first visit home - ahhhh, remember it well. Brings a nostalgic tear to my eye. :nonono: :rolleyes: :smile:

    Our little (or not so little) wonders will commonly "dictate" the terms of said home visit & find that the terms are unacceptable to all concerned. It's pretty humbling for some of our difficult children. Either that or they try to pull the pity - look what you did to me line. Neither flies here anymore.

    Now, repeat after me. "I'm Goddess - it's all about me." Got it?
    "I'm Goddess - it's all about me." :hypnosis:

    I'm glad the stress level has lessened in your home. Remember a placement is just a family of different addresses. :angel:
  5. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 14pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #663366"> tracy, you have nothing to feel guilty about tho i think i can understand where it's coming from. you are doing all in your power to get your son to a better place & often that means playing hardball with-the lil darlings. the key for you is to stay on course. don't fall into the manipulations that are almost sure to come.

    </span> </span> </span>
  6. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    Please DO NOT feel guilty about less stress with difficult child out of the house. Life is so difficult with difficult children!!! Take as much "me" time as possible while difficult child is away. You need to do whatever you have to do to preserve your sanity when you have the opportunity :bath: :flower: :smile:, etc... You need to be as strong as possible when difficult child returns home.

    Unfortunately, my difficult children think the world revolves around them too. difficult child 1 thinks he is king of the universe!!! I think total self-centeredness (is this a real word?) is a standard difficult child trait.

    I hope things go well on Sunday. I'll be thinking of you and keeping my fingers crossed... WFEN
  7. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Tracy... sigh. A big old hug to you. I totally understand the guilt of enjoying the peace at home. Oh my gosh, I just beat myself up for months when I realized that that weird feeling in the house was calm and how much I loved it! thank you's been in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) almost 7 years and he still can put us on edge during a home visit. But I'm also very protective of the calm. That's how it is supposed to be in a home. We get so numb, living with- the chaos and drama/trauma of gfgness, we forget that it's really abnormal to be in a state of fight or flight all the time.

    I'm not sure thank you ever has really "missed" us. His perception is really skewed - I think he misses the *ideal* of home but he still is very challenged when it comes to actually functioning at home. You know... boundaries, responsibilities, and it's *not* all about him, LOL. He still is amazingly clueless about how hard the entire family has worked for him. I guess I don't expect him to acknowledge it anymore - it doesn't really matter, you know? It's done, it's over. At this point, I just hope he will be able to function outside of an institution someday. And if he can come home for a couple of days at a time without completely up-ending the balance we have now, that's great.

    That probably sounds harsh... I don't mean it to. He is my thank you and a huge part of my very soul. But I'm not willing to sacrifice the safety and peace of our family home, of our *family*, anymore just to have him here.

    I hope you have a great visit this weekend and that he exceeds your expectations.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Another who says please don't feel guilty for enjoying a less stressful home. I hope the visit goes well.