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Homeless 46 year old daughter and a son in jail
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 695553" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi Jodie, and I'm so sorry. I know you are so tired. </p><p></p><p>I also know it's really hard when there is a crossroads, like when they lose their place to stay. This happened to my son time and again. I found myself in a state of urgent reaction to hearing this type of news. Like you, I would get on the phone and start trying to find out what was possible. Then I was involved and it was hard to get un-involved.</p><p></p><p>I found that when these types of things happened---and they did---over and over and over again, I would need to find a way to wait. To stop. Not to dive in. Not to start making phone calls and "getting information." That was really hard for me to do, that first time, and many other times, because I am a problem-solver. That's what I am really good at. And it makes me feel better to take action instead of sitting and waiting.</p><p></p><p>But if we don't stand back...stand down..wait...let time go by...then nothing. ever. changes. </p><p></p><p>They have no skin in the game---how could they? We handle it all. They never even have a chance to step up or to bumble through a situation or even to be homeless to see the true and real consequences of their own decisions.</p><p></p><p>I know, I know...she has a good job and you don't want her to lose it. I really really understand that, as I was right there many times with my son. </p><p></p><p>Finally, jodie, he got a job at a McDonald's and he slept on a bench outside and he walked to work---for months---until a homeless advocate started helping him find an apartment. And then---after standing back for months---his dad and I helped. That was two years ago and he is still making progress. He now pays his own bills--except health insurance---we are still helping with that. He is making $23 an hour as an electrician-in-training plus overtime every week. He is about to move to a better place to life. He has rejoined the human race as we all dream our DCs will.</p><p></p><p>I firmly believe that my ability (I was his biggest enabler) to finally stop has been a key contributing factor in his turnaround. Of course not the only factor, or maybe even the biggest factor, but it has been a very big factor. And he even told me that himself a few months ago. </p><p></p><p>If you can, please stand down on this. Let her find some solutions. Don't rush to co-sign anything. People can be amazingly resilient if we will give them a chance to be. It won't be pretty, and in a straight line and she may not like it at all. We have taught them well. But this, right now, this is a chance, a crossroads, for change.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 695553, member: 17542"] Hi Jodie, and I'm so sorry. I know you are so tired. I also know it's really hard when there is a crossroads, like when they lose their place to stay. This happened to my son time and again. I found myself in a state of urgent reaction to hearing this type of news. Like you, I would get on the phone and start trying to find out what was possible. Then I was involved and it was hard to get un-involved. I found that when these types of things happened---and they did---over and over and over again, I would need to find a way to wait. To stop. Not to dive in. Not to start making phone calls and "getting information." That was really hard for me to do, that first time, and many other times, because I am a problem-solver. That's what I am really good at. And it makes me feel better to take action instead of sitting and waiting. But if we don't stand back...stand down..wait...let time go by...then nothing. ever. changes. They have no skin in the game---how could they? We handle it all. They never even have a chance to step up or to bumble through a situation or even to be homeless to see the true and real consequences of their own decisions. I know, I know...she has a good job and you don't want her to lose it. I really really understand that, as I was right there many times with my son. Finally, jodie, he got a job at a McDonald's and he slept on a bench outside and he walked to work---for months---until a homeless advocate started helping him find an apartment. And then---after standing back for months---his dad and I helped. That was two years ago and he is still making progress. He now pays his own bills--except health insurance---we are still helping with that. He is making $23 an hour as an electrician-in-training plus overtime every week. He is about to move to a better place to life. He has rejoined the human race as we all dream our DCs will. I firmly believe that my ability (I was his biggest enabler) to finally stop has been a key contributing factor in his turnaround. Of course not the only factor, or maybe even the biggest factor, but it has been a very big factor. And he even told me that himself a few months ago. If you can, please stand down on this. Let her find some solutions. Don't rush to co-sign anything. People can be amazingly resilient if we will give them a chance to be. It won't be pretty, and in a straight line and she may not like it at all. We have taught them well. But this, right now, this is a chance, a crossroads, for change. [/QUOTE]
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