Homeless 46 year old daughter and a son in jail

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by jodiehooks, Jul 28, 2016.

  1. jodiehooks

    jodiehooks WEARY MOTHER

    Well, today I attended the sentencing hearing for my 47 year old son, 2nd drug offense, 3rd felony. Fact on this are that he has a learning disability, hearing problem, history of sexual addiction and other behaviors. He has been difficult for many years, starting in his teen years, smoking marijuana etc. He was married for 15 years and him and wife were both addicted to cocaine, and crystal meth so badly that we had to put him on a bus out of town in the middle of the night to avoid the dealers that he screwed getting him and killing him. Over the years, I had hoped for a normal life for him. Relapse after relapse, and finally he was busted for having a meth lab (it was actually the trash from one not an active one) and his 5 year old son was with him who tested positive for hair samples (not blood). He was found guilty of neglect of a dependent, manufacturing meth and sentenced to 15 years, 5 in, 5 house arrest, 5 non reporting probation. He convinced his father to allow him to stay with him to do his house arrest which is a pain because it makes a jailer out of a family and costs a lot of money, but he did get a job, pay his weekly ankle bracelet fees, get a ged. But then he met a "girl". He demanded that she be allowed to be at his dads and when his dad resisted they moved into a mobile home. He finished his home detention and problems had already been noted by then, suspicions of them using/making, of course the girl did not work and would not work. Here in Indiana we have brutal weather. So after he was free to move about with out an ankle bracelet him and the girl and her son moved into a large house, against the advise of both his parents. Soon, winter came, -20 degrees. He was kicked out after a fight between them, and his father allowed him to live with his grandmother in the basement, she having dementia and being in her mid eighties, he was supposed to care for her in exchange for his board. Well, he quit his job, moved girl in, and proceeded to argue with dad over moving her out. Dad did not stand his ground, and in a few months there was a meth lab explosion in the basement, resulting in him fleeing and her being taken to hospital where she nearly died. They were both making meth in the basement. Needless to say this has been pretty bad. She survived, he stayed out on the street living in a shed during the next few months, even during -20 weather. Eventually he was arrested in an unrelated way, just by being in an alley where the police were called due to his truck running loudly. He spent the last 9 mo. in jail, and today his got the sentence. I am understandably so upset but am glad it is over for now. This person who is my son, despite how bad the sounds, is actually a very caring and loving person. How can this happen to people who are not hardened and bad people? I have posted about my homeless daughter, who is suspected of having been in the house the night of the explosion. I am emotionally worn out and have cried and cried. Thanks for listening.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Jodi, good people don't run meth labs, which pretty much means they sell to many others. It does no good to blame the cruel world for your 48 year olds sons deliberate crimes. it happens because one is a danger to society. I may add that he is an abusive father, having son in that environment.

    I have a not nice son too, but he hasnt done anywhere close to what your son has. Hes never been to jail.

    Sorry to sound harsh,but your son is where he needs to be for society's sake. I feel no pity for him. I have learning disabilities and mental health issues. I dont build meth labs and took care of my kids.

    Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

    I am sorry for your hurting heart. I am sorry abouy the man your son decided to he, but it was his choice. Things happen when you break laws repeatedly.

    My best advice is to get busy living the rest of your life. You can do nothing for iyour very much grown up kids, but you can do a lot for you and I think you deserve a good life. You can make it happen.
     
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    Last edited: Jul 28, 2016
  3. jodiehooks

    jodiehooks WEARY MOTHER

    somewhreoutthere, I can barely read your post, can you resend it? I think your fingers were on the wrong key, sorry!! And thanks for replying
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I fixed it. Sorry.
     
  5. jodiehooks

    jodiehooks WEARY MOTHER

    Thank you, I do agree with all that you say, except that I believe good people do bad things but that doesn't make them bad people, the actions are terrible. I have had problems sorting out the behavior from the person. My addict son would not do these things if not on drugs. He is a totally different human being off drugs. I however do need to find a way to move forward and find peace, which at this time I do not have. My heart hurts knowing that his and my future will be darker because of all this. And lives ruined that will never be the same. How sad!!
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thats true, Jodie. Drugs are game changers. But people quit using every day. How long has he been on drugs? its his identity now.

    Make new friends, do new things, enjoy the rest of your life. None of us can count on our adult kids to amuse us. They have their own stuff.
     
  7. jodiehooks

    jodiehooks WEARY MOTHER


    So true, however it is like grieving for a dead person. The grief does not go away so easy.
     
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I had to grieve when one of my kids, a child we adopted at six, disowned us. I havent seen him for ten years, his kids never. However I did get over the grief.

    Soubds as if your kids have been doing this for a long time. You are at a time when you couldve enjiying retirement and good times. Dont let it slip away. Life is short and only you b
    decide what to do with your time.
     
  9. jodiehooks

    jodiehooks WEARY MOTHER


    I agree, totally. It has been way too many years that I have suffered with this, but I still do not know how to shut off the hurt.
     
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Do you see a therapist?

    How badly do you want a good rest of your life?

    Just like your daughter and son chose to waste their lives, you can choose to have a good life or wallow in sadness. The sadness will not help either one of them. Why not choose to get therapy and enjoy your golden years? Fretting wont do good for anybody. Your therapist eill help you move on. I highly recommend this route.
     
  11. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    I am sorry for yet another day of turmoil for you, JH.

    Yes, this is true of most of our difficult children who have addiction issues. I believe it was Darkwing who called it "pseudo sociopathy." But it was your son's choice to do these things, JH. Even if he would not have done them off drugs, it was his choice to take the drugs, knowing where it could lead. In this latest instance, it almost led to a death.

    He is where he will not have the opportunity to get his hands on drugs so readily, or manufacture them. Maybe he can get back to being that totally different person now.

    I am sorry for YOUR hurting heart, JH. None of this is YOUR fault. You need not make excuses for him, as it does not reflect on you. Especially not when he is 48 years of age.

    Your son is safe and your daughter has lodging, transportation and an income. Time to focus on YOU, JH. Go do something kind just for you today. And I think the therapist is a wonderful idea.
     
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  12. jodiehooks

    jodiehooks WEARY MOTHER


    SomewhereOutThere:
    I do see a therapist and have since the first time my son was arrested for meth manufacturing. That was very traumatic for me and I have never really gotten over it. However, I have made some progress from where I was in the beginning. But now, with the new charges, the meth lab explosion and hearing that he is a danger to society I feel an entirely new sense of depression. I admit I am having trouble accepting this as his identity.
     
  13. jodiehooks

    jodiehooks WEARY MOTHER

    Thank you Albatross, this helps to hear. I know for now this is all true. One day he will be back on the streets and then it will be another matter.
     
  14. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Maybe things will change, or maybe he will. People change all the time, sometimes with no explanation.

    Either way, as hard as it is (because I can't do it either), please try not to worry about that day. Today they are safe, and that is worth savoring.
     
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