Homeless 46 year old daughter and a son in jail

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by jodiehooks, Aug 15, 2016.

  1. jodiehooks

    jodiehooks WEARY MOTHER

    Yesterday I went to my weekly visit at the local county jail where my son has been since last October. He was sentenced a couple of weeks ago, so I knew that at some point he would be moved. He was gone when I got there. I am relieved but will miss being able to see him. Sad to say but that is the only "normal" visits I have had with him for years, except for the circumstances. We could talk for 20 minutes and then I would go home. Even thought I expected his removal from the jail and it was kind of a surprise. I am trying to be optimistic about the future and hope that the drug treatment he will be given in prison (I am told it is an actual treatment program and they are housed separately), will be something that helps him.
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  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry Jodie, it's so difficult for us to struggle through our adult kids choices. I felt so sad reading your post, having been through the jail experience with my daughter, it's a very powerless feeling. I hope the drug treatment program your son will be receiving helps him, it may end up being exactly what he needs. But, all of it is so hard on us, it hurts. Right now there is nothing you can do, but take care of YOU. Go do something nurturing and kind for yourself, put the focus on yourself. Sending hugs.......take care of YOU now.......
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  3. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis


    My husband ministers in prison as a volunteer, here I. AL they do have a separate rehab program. He will live among the other men who will also be in the program. They will live the 12 steps and have other classes to take, anger etc... it could be worse.

    Believe it or not, when my hubby goes for Monday night study they ask about our son...the long to hear success stories....we find it humbling that prisoners pray for our recovering son....

    Take care of you, you can't change his circumstances. He is where he is....not the end of his story.

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  4. jodiehooks

    jodiehooks WEARY MOTHER

    Interesting. I visited with the public defender that had his case and was told that they are housed separately and that it is a good program. Just when I feel that I understand that it is his job to help himself, I go back to worrying and making up scary things in my mind that could happen. Perhaps it is good for me that he has been forcibly removed.
  5. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Sounds like this could be a good thing for your son, Jodie.

    I hope he will avail himself of all that he is offered and turn his life around!

    You can rest easy, knowing that he is in a place where he can get help.

  6. jodiehooks

    jodiehooks WEARY MOTHER

    I certainly agree and am hoping it happens. And I am really trying to mind my own business. After the visit Friday with the public defender which I told him I was concerned that my son was still obsessed with the ex girlfriend who was burned in the meth fire, he said something that make me re think a couple of things. He said it was actually a good thing that he is not angry, but has compassion for this girl instead. After thinking it over I agree, I would rather have him be sorry that she was burned and hospitalized for a month instead of being cold to that. He is a caring person, and I hope he stays that way while finding a way to use boundaries so that this does not happen again. They were both there, making the meth, in the dark because she was paranoid and using a hair dryer to hurry the process up, but hopefully both of them will turn the life around and never do this again.
  7. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I'm sorry he was gone when you got there. Will you be able to visit him in the prison they moved him to?

    I'm glad to hear that there is a treatment program for him. I do hope he will take full advantage of it. Your son has been through a lot and it will take time for him to process it all with a clear mind.

    I always had a sense of relief when my son was locked up. I knew where he was, that he was eating and had a place to sleep and that he didn't have access to drugs and alcohol.

    I hope you are being kind to yourself. It's so easy to become consumed with our adult children's chaos and drama that we forget about ourselves. Make sure you are taking care of yourself and doing things that bring you joy.

    ((HUGS)) to you....................
  8. jodiehooks

    jodiehooks WEARY MOTHER

    Tanya, thank you so much, you are so helpful and I am grateful for the group and all of you!!
  9. jodiehooks

    jodiehooks WEARY MOTHER

    And yes I can visit him when he has been processed, but it depends on where they send him as to how often. If it is near maybe I can go more but if they send him a long way off, maybe not so much.