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Homeless son, 26, how do I cope with this?
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 619314" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Yes, allow yourself to feel your feelings. For a long time, I avoided that. It just hurt so much I thought I would die from it. But we don't die from the pain, even though it is so so severe. </p><p></p><p>It is beyond pain. It is suffering. </p><p></p><p>Once I decided to again---try something different---sit with my fear and pain, let it literally wash over me, cry, scream, rail, whatever I needed to do as it happened, I learned something new. I didn't die from it. In fact, after my "episode" was over, I felt better. A lot better.</p><p></p><p>That encouraged me to allow it again. And each time, the time I needed got shorter. It didn't completely wreck my whole day or even half a day. I could feel it deeply, move through it, get to the other side of it, and soon, go on with my day and my responsibilities. </p><p></p><p>I remember one day I was driving down the road, and it all started to well up inside me. I was in the car alone so I just let it. I was making sounds I had never heard from myself before----deep moans. It was coming from my very essence. </p><p></p><p>This pain of dealing with our own children making these choices is visceral. It is biologic. It is at the cellular level. It is the most fundamental thing I have ever felt. It is the deepest suffering I have ever felt, more than my sister dying, more than my divorce, more than other serious events in my life. </p><p></p><p>Allowing the feelings is healing. It is scary at first, but it is ultimately healing. Allowing the feelings to come will help with insomnia, with depression, with the crazy, frantic feelings, with all of the emotions we are feeling, with all of our own crazy behavior, as our loved ones are spinning out of control. </p><p></p><p>So, don't fight it. Sit with it. When you are the throes of it, look at it for what it is. It is grief at the rawest level. </p><p></p><p>but it won't kill you. </p><p></p><p>And, it doesn't require action toward your difficult child. It is action toward YOURSELF. Once you start getting that, you will start to get better, and you will start to let your difficult child go. You won't feel the frantic need so often to MAKE THEM STOP NO MATTER WHAT, and you will start caring about yourself more and more. You will see things more clearly. You will make better decisions. You will start to feel happy again. </p><p></p><p>Prayers and blessings to us all on this day. This is the only day we have, this day.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 619314, member: 17542"] Yes, allow yourself to feel your feelings. For a long time, I avoided that. It just hurt so much I thought I would die from it. But we don't die from the pain, even though it is so so severe. It is beyond pain. It is suffering. Once I decided to again---try something different---sit with my fear and pain, let it literally wash over me, cry, scream, rail, whatever I needed to do as it happened, I learned something new. I didn't die from it. In fact, after my "episode" was over, I felt better. A lot better. That encouraged me to allow it again. And each time, the time I needed got shorter. It didn't completely wreck my whole day or even half a day. I could feel it deeply, move through it, get to the other side of it, and soon, go on with my day and my responsibilities. I remember one day I was driving down the road, and it all started to well up inside me. I was in the car alone so I just let it. I was making sounds I had never heard from myself before----deep moans. It was coming from my very essence. This pain of dealing with our own children making these choices is visceral. It is biologic. It is at the cellular level. It is the most fundamental thing I have ever felt. It is the deepest suffering I have ever felt, more than my sister dying, more than my divorce, more than other serious events in my life. Allowing the feelings is healing. It is scary at first, but it is ultimately healing. Allowing the feelings to come will help with insomnia, with depression, with the crazy, frantic feelings, with all of the emotions we are feeling, with all of our own crazy behavior, as our loved ones are spinning out of control. So, don't fight it. Sit with it. When you are the throes of it, look at it for what it is. It is grief at the rawest level. but it won't kill you. And, it doesn't require action toward your difficult child. It is action toward YOURSELF. Once you start getting that, you will start to get better, and you will start to let your difficult child go. You won't feel the frantic need so often to MAKE THEM STOP NO MATTER WHAT, and you will start caring about yourself more and more. You will see things more clearly. You will make better decisions. You will start to feel happy again. Prayers and blessings to us all on this day. This is the only day we have, this day. [/QUOTE]
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Homeless son, 26, how do I cope with this?
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