HOMESCHOOLING ADHD

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by 4EVER, Jul 3, 2007.

  1. 4EVER

    4EVER New Member

    I feel so strectched out right now. Both my boys and husband all have ADHD with-CD. I decided that I was fed up with the school system and having to deal with the problems that would happen at school concerning my kids. I was fed up with having to deal with the homework that was sent home. So....I decided to homeschool and thought that moving would also improve our lives. Right now I'm not sure how to turn now. I know that a large upheaval in my family that occurred within the first months of the change (which was very complicating)has had a huge outcome of it's affects. It has been very frustrating for me though since nothing has improved. My husband has not been supportive of the homeschooling and wants me to send the kids back to regular school. Mostly because the houswork has taken a backseat, and he is bitter at the fact that we are so in debt, and I won't work (I don't like supporting his habits). He also expresses the disgust at how the children are not at the levels of schooled children. He feels that he shouldn't have housework responsibilities, and leaves messes wherever he has been. I know this sounds pretty bad, I will say though that he does work alot of hours, and once in awhile does a little bit of clean up (with complaining about the "pigsty") and does do some parenting. I however feel it isn't enough.
    My children are turning into miniatures of my husband, and are getting harder to get control of. Part of their problem of not being up to level in school work is because of the upheaval, (my husband was the cause) and their disabilities. I have tried everything to get them heading in the right direction, but have felt it has been futile. I am very unhappy, and feeling that I will never be happy again if I don't do something. Expressing my thoughts and feelings have not made any changes, and trying to get them to become responsible for their actions have been to no avail. I feel like leaving them, but my maternal instincts have a hold of me too much. I have too much love, caring, morals, and am slowly losing my patience. How can anyone leave their family? I just am at a loss. We have had different interventions, but nothing has had any effect. I get so frustrated with the three of them, it is as though they couldn't care less. Yeah, they show remorse at the time I lose it, but that doesn't change anything. I try to take time for myself, but that doesn't solve the problem. I have tried, but I can't control how they are. And if they don't take responsiblity, that leaves me holding the bag. But for how long??????????Love can only hold on for so long. Anyone else in this predicament?
     
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Welcome! Glad you found us, but sorry you had to.

    First things first, some questions whose answers I hope will help us point you in the right direction.
    How old are your sons?
    What kind of doctor diagnosed them?
    Do they have learning disabilities in addition to ADHD?
    Are they in therapy?
    Are they on any medications? If so, what?
    What behaviors do they exhibit that have earned them a diagnosis of CD?
    Any mental health issues or substance abuse in the family tree?
    Any sensory issues (clothing tags, food textures, loud noises, for example)?
    Any speech or developmental delays?

    Again, welcome. I know you will find a lot of support here.

     
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome to a place where you will find much support. Things sound very stressful right now. Know that we are here for you. Gentle hugs.
     
  4. 4EVER

    4EVER New Member

    My kids are 11 and 8. We have had them diagnosed by a pediatrician about five years ago, and there is no denying that they are. My husband was diagnosed when he was a kid, but nothing was done about it. We did have them on medication. Ritalin at one point then on Concerta along with Resperidol. It was getting to the point that it wasn't working and I no longer wanted my kids on drugs. I had been trying more natural means, but that wasn't as successful, but probably not tried long enough.
    Right now I am in the middle of packing, after having it out with the family, and not getting a response of change occuring. When I flipped out, my husband suggested me leaving if I wasn't happy. Not exactly what I wanted, but maybe I would be since there doesn't seem to be any effort to want to improve things.
     
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I wish words could make you feel better. If I could give you any advice, it would be to take a deep breath and take stock of the choices you have made in the last year.

    You pulled the boys out of school to homeschool and you moved. Not sure how far you moved, but both of those things definately can upset the apple cart - especially with adhd kids who like things structured and don't do well with change. Additionally, if the boys do have lds, homeschooling is a lot more challenging since there are different ways to teach different lds.

    Homeschooling is not for everyone. If you feel it's not working for your family, it's time to check out the new local schools. Since you've moved, it's going to be a different system. You never know, you could be pleasently suprised!

    As far as the relationship between you and your husband, it sounds really stressed right now. I think I would suggest a respite weekend for you.

    If you are able to swing it financially, I would ask your husband to take off early on a friday so you can head out for a weekend break. Go to a local (or not so local) hotel and pamper youself. If the spa treatment and the manicure arent' practical, grab some bubble bath and soak in the tub at the hotel in peace and quiet. Take a couple mags and a good book, order room service and watch a good show on tv. Take a nice walk and do some window shopping, enjoy a meal all alone without having to plan it, cook it, or do the dishes. Relax some more and sleep in the next moring with no schedule, noone to fix breakfast for and no sound!

    During the time you are away, do some thinking about your life and your family. I'm sure you love your boys, and that is what motivated you to homeschool - wanting the best for them. But, it may not be what is the best for you. You count too.

    I also wonder if it may be time to take the boys for a new evaluation. They were originally diagnosis'd by your pediatrician doctor, have they seen a neuropdoc or a psychiatrist? It may be time to relook at the diagnosis's and the medication issue. Keep an open mind - it's a must with difficult children!!!!

    I hope you get a good rest tonight and tomorrow dawns just a little brighter for you.

    Sharon
     
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