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<blockquote data-quote="Ropefree" data-source="post: 236955" data-attributes="member: 6271"><p>Klmno: My position on the manipulation theme is this"I know my kid is going to try and manipulate me. I do not have to pay a dime for the effort"</p><p>Your son is aware that he has the diagnosis. You talk about it, he talks about it and it is the black hole around which HE has YOU tethered.</p><p></p><p>I am not hearing you are doing anything together at all but this manic type</p><p>game by the set of rules that set him in the center of attention recieving things that are not apropriate for him.</p><p></p><p>He gets a lot of power from you and also the stymulation of chaos and he does so with out earning any possitive attention in anyway. He is stealing from you and others...I assume you are not purchasing razor blades for his use to cut into his fleash, or tobacco which is not even legal to buy for him and give him, and he enters your private bedroom and steals the phone?</p><p>And this stymulation that he creates with great enthusiasm is learned behavior.</p><p></p><p>Somewhere you let drift off the boundaries IN YOUR HOME that are common scence. Yes he has mental issues. If he liked to swallow draino the problem would occur the one time. What he selects to keep you running around like a witless chicken are less than damaging and yet items that you readily place in his reach without him learning the lessons that inhibit the behavior.</p><p></p><p>In any other setting entering private space or even commonly shared space and taking any item that did not belong to him is a crime. Even in you home his theift is a crime. You teach him that he can do these things each time.</p><p>He gets a pay off. He gets the negative, outraged, fearfull, frightened, desperate you undivided. And he smokes, cuts, phones controls the phone and creates a disturbed environment.</p><p></p><p>What are his boundaries? And at his age what are his chores? What do you do with him to give him attention that is possitive? </p><p></p><p>Any place he is sent he will be required all these. He will not have cigerettes available, or razor blades to cut himself, or phone to steal use of. and he will be making his bed, cleaning, and required to ask permission to use a phone. Likely their will be ninky "stuff" to do and a community tv and when earned use of a supervised and controled computer, maybe.</p><p></p><p>I vote stop enabling the outrageous manic domination in your home. I think </p><p>YOU NEED a respite. Not time where you run yourself ragged to attempt to do MORE for him. He is ungrateful and and he likes making you work.</p><p>I have yet to meet a bi-polar who when manicly endulgent does otherwise.</p><p></p><p>You have to fed him. He does not have to like the food. You have to clothe him and he does not have to like these either. Take things away from him when he neglects to care for them everytime. Minimize the disorder and require he does do chores, his laundry, ect and read, his homework and not play type amusements. Say no mean it when you do and do not empower his enthusiasm to dwell on his off the mark thinking process where you are respocible for his mental state. </p><p></p><p>A bi-polar person has to cultivate a boring to them way of thinking. the spiralling into the extreme and being unaware of others and the behavior impact on others is dis-ease. they like doing it while they are in it. It is as </p><p>alluring as they act out on it displays. </p><p></p><p>His journey to a better mind set is lifelong with ups and downs that will not rest often. Let it be about him.</p><p></p><p>You can without fuss simply place the boundaries and restate them one time only as he "tests" and then "presses" and does WHATEVER. </p><p></p><p>Call the police over and over in one day if need be. Make the new path boundaries vividely apparent to him.</p><p></p><p>What has been going on in your home is teaching him to anticipate he will</p><p>be able to live as he wishes and that his mental health issue is the excuse.</p><p>Part of what is going on is mental illness he has. it is true. That part is not so readily teased out of the part where you are giving him a pay off of things and attention and the intensity of atmoshpere that he is co-creating with you.</p><p></p><p>You have been his support group and he does need support. You can make the relationship safe by making him behave to recieve your attention and what you give him be appropriate.</p><p></p><p>Not a tobacco habit or theift lifesyle. Try to bare in mind he has the mental illness and you are the adult in charge.</p><p></p><p>when you decide that your time and quality of life matter then he will "feel"</p><p>the motivation to behave. If not then give him other oppertunities with others to learn those lessons. However the fact that the rules in your home are allowing him these behavior extremes will not change until you change it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ropefree, post: 236955, member: 6271"] Klmno: My position on the manipulation theme is this"I know my kid is going to try and manipulate me. I do not have to pay a dime for the effort" Your son is aware that he has the diagnosis. You talk about it, he talks about it and it is the black hole around which HE has YOU tethered. I am not hearing you are doing anything together at all but this manic type game by the set of rules that set him in the center of attention recieving things that are not apropriate for him. He gets a lot of power from you and also the stymulation of chaos and he does so with out earning any possitive attention in anyway. He is stealing from you and others...I assume you are not purchasing razor blades for his use to cut into his fleash, or tobacco which is not even legal to buy for him and give him, and he enters your private bedroom and steals the phone? And this stymulation that he creates with great enthusiasm is learned behavior. Somewhere you let drift off the boundaries IN YOUR HOME that are common scence. Yes he has mental issues. If he liked to swallow draino the problem would occur the one time. What he selects to keep you running around like a witless chicken are less than damaging and yet items that you readily place in his reach without him learning the lessons that inhibit the behavior. In any other setting entering private space or even commonly shared space and taking any item that did not belong to him is a crime. Even in you home his theift is a crime. You teach him that he can do these things each time. He gets a pay off. He gets the negative, outraged, fearfull, frightened, desperate you undivided. And he smokes, cuts, phones controls the phone and creates a disturbed environment. What are his boundaries? And at his age what are his chores? What do you do with him to give him attention that is possitive? Any place he is sent he will be required all these. He will not have cigerettes available, or razor blades to cut himself, or phone to steal use of. and he will be making his bed, cleaning, and required to ask permission to use a phone. Likely their will be ninky "stuff" to do and a community tv and when earned use of a supervised and controled computer, maybe. I vote stop enabling the outrageous manic domination in your home. I think YOU NEED a respite. Not time where you run yourself ragged to attempt to do MORE for him. He is ungrateful and and he likes making you work. I have yet to meet a bi-polar who when manicly endulgent does otherwise. You have to fed him. He does not have to like the food. You have to clothe him and he does not have to like these either. Take things away from him when he neglects to care for them everytime. Minimize the disorder and require he does do chores, his laundry, ect and read, his homework and not play type amusements. Say no mean it when you do and do not empower his enthusiasm to dwell on his off the mark thinking process where you are respocible for his mental state. A bi-polar person has to cultivate a boring to them way of thinking. the spiralling into the extreme and being unaware of others and the behavior impact on others is dis-ease. they like doing it while they are in it. It is as alluring as they act out on it displays. His journey to a better mind set is lifelong with ups and downs that will not rest often. Let it be about him. You can without fuss simply place the boundaries and restate them one time only as he "tests" and then "presses" and does WHATEVER. Call the police over and over in one day if need be. Make the new path boundaries vividely apparent to him. What has been going on in your home is teaching him to anticipate he will be able to live as he wishes and that his mental health issue is the excuse. Part of what is going on is mental illness he has. it is true. That part is not so readily teased out of the part where you are giving him a pay off of things and attention and the intensity of atmoshpere that he is co-creating with you. You have been his support group and he does need support. You can make the relationship safe by making him behave to recieve your attention and what you give him be appropriate. Not a tobacco habit or theift lifesyle. Try to bare in mind he has the mental illness and you are the adult in charge. when you decide that your time and quality of life matter then he will "feel" the motivation to behave. If not then give him other oppertunities with others to learn those lessons. However the fact that the rules in your home are allowing him these behavior extremes will not change until you change it. [/QUOTE]
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