Hope for future

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Mama Raygun, Feb 12, 2012.

  1. Mama Raygun

    Mama Raygun New Member

    I just wanted to share a little of my story to give some hope of an addicts future. I am now a 30 yr old mom of 2 but I was most def a difficult child to my mom. (I'm sure she would choose PIA pain in ass):) I put my family thru hell! My childhood was pretty normal I def think I had some untreated add also I was very anxious and kind of socially akward. By age 12 I began experimenting with pot, alcohol and from there it escalated quickly. I was failing school and very defiant and just plain difficult. I look back now and feel so awful for what I put my poor mom thru. By 15 I had tried all the acid, shrooms, stuff like that. That's also the age I started running away. I would just not go home at night sometimes 3-4 nights. My mom would call the cops, twice I was 302'd to the psychiatric ward. Nothing got thru to me and I'm not sure really what made me do the things I did. I started dating a 23 yr old dealer and began using cocaine often. At 16 I ended up pregnant and moved in with my adult boyfriend, also dropped out of high school at this time. I didn't use during my pregnancy in fact it never even crossed my mind for some reason. Thankfully. After my son was born I was right back to the coke. My boyfriend became abusive and until my son was 3 I stayed in that awful situation. When we broke up things just got worse I was depressed, confused, anxious. I ended up smoking crack for 3 months and then admitted myself to the psychiatric ward. I was suicidal at that point, I was so ashamed at what I've become. I truly had hit bottom. I stayed there 10 days then completed a dual diagnosis outpatient center for 8 weeks. It was hard and there were some slips along the way. I also started na meetings which were very helpful, especially in the beginning.
     
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    congratulations on your sobriety! You gave a wonderful gift to your children. Glad to have you here.
     
  3. Mama Raygun

    Mama Raygun New Member

    Ok for some reason my last paragraph wasn't on the post....
    So to continue I was eventually diagnosed as having ADD and depression with anxiety and panic attacks. I was a mess but life got better. I met my husband and best friend when I had been clean for almost a year. He was 4 yrs clean and he helped me so much. Over the next few years we built a nice little life together. I went back to school for veterinary technology and graduated w straight A's. I gave birth to my second son in 05. Don't get me wrong life isn't perfect, I still struggle with my anxiety and ADD, tho I no longer have panic attacks. Also the addictive part of my brain is still there. It's something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. Last year I got hurt at work and was prescribed pain pills. I thought I would be fine, I had been doing so well for years and I never had a problem with opiates. But things quickly spiraled and I had to admit to myself and my family that I once again needed help. That was so hard to do b/ c my poor mom had no idea I was struggling again. So anyway I hope I helped someone out there see things do get better, there is life after drug addiction. In fact I might even cherish it more after going thru what I did. My whole purpose in life now is to do everything in my power to prevent either of my boys from from experiencing all that pain and misery.
     
  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Thanks so much for sharing your story.... a lot of parallels with my son although I really am not sure totally the extent of his drug use... what I do know is scary enough and its probably worse. He is definetly struggling and I am just hanging in there as his mom determined not to enable him any more. I just hope he can get to that place where you got when he wants something different. Thanks so much for sharing it really helps to hear your story.

    TL
     
  5. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Thank you. You're an inspiration and a beacon of hope. Keep it up, your family is lucky to have you.
     
  6. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    Here's another thank you for sharing your story. Congratulations on your sobriety, you are an inspiration to us!
     
  7. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Thank you so much for sharing your inspirational story. Hats off to you and the hope you have shared is a blessing
     
  8. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Thank you for sharing. I needed to hear this tonight for sure! You keep up the good work. The more you share, the more you give back to the worl. I'm sure there are many just reading and lurking who are thankful as well to hear there is hope. Bless you and those boys. May they learn from their mommy and may their struggles be light.
     
  9. Mama Raygun

    Mama Raygun New Member

    I'm glad my story has helped. My past is something I don't tell many people for fear of judgement so it feels really good to tell my story and receive such positive feedback! :)
     
  10. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I truly appreciate hearing that story as well! Sounds exactly like what my daughter has done and gone through sans having a child.
     
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