gcvmom
Here we go again!
When I picked up difficult child 2 from water polo practice yesterday he was VERY upset and telling me he wanted to "kill" everyone on his team (not in the literal sense, but he was just so angry). There seems to be a pattern with him where one day everything is just peachy with the other guys and the next day he's fit to be tied over some slight or comment -- and sometimes he's completely within reason for feeling the way he does and other times he seems to be overreacting.
So he tells me that the day before, the assistant coach was making a list of players names and their grade level, and when he asked difficult child 2 for his last name and put it down, there was a mistake in the spelling that made a funny word. difficult child 2 says that when he tried to correct the spelling (and it sounded like he was annoyed at the humor everyone found in the error) he was told that this would be his new nickname. And despite his objections he claims he was told that was just too bad and that's what they would be calling him and everyone got a good laugh at his expense.
Naturally, with his history of being bullied and ostracized, not to mention his mental health issues, he is VERY sensitive to ribbings from people he doesn't know that well. If it's someone he KNOWS is a good friend, or a family member, he can take it. Probably because he knows that there is an underlying love/respect for him that endures above all else. But with strangers, that's a much taller order and it really cuts to the core of his insecurities.
Now this technically is a form of bullying, though some would argue it's not. But whenever you do something to someone that they don't like, that makes them stand out conspicuously from the group, and it's upsetting to them and they ask you to stop but you keep doing it? That's bullying. Being the Mama Bear that I am when it comes to stuff like this, I fired off a polite but succinct email to the head coach since I have no knowledge of how to contact the assistant, and addressed the issue, took time to explain briefly difficult child 2's challenges, and requested that they refrain from using nicknames without difficult child 2's expressed consent. I also asked for their patience with him because of the challenges he has and said how much he was looking forward to being part of this team.
I did cc the school's Athletic Director (whom I know very well from my work on the exec board for the LAX team) because I felt that he should be aware of this kind of behavior, the school psychiatric (because she's working on updating difficult child 2's messed up IEP that was sent over from the middle school) and difficult child 2's counselor since I figured she should probably be aware of this first bump in the road.
Within about an hour I got a call and from the head coach but had to let it go to our machine because I had company at the time. Later he also sent an email reply making sure I had his number, and I replied late last night after my guests left that I'd contact him today. Which I haven't done yet but am gearing up to do it.
Hopefully he's on the same page and I don't get some kind of mamby pamby back pedaling that puts it all back on difficult child 2. This guy is a young 20-something who's barely out of high school himself, so we'll see how he faces this issue...
So he tells me that the day before, the assistant coach was making a list of players names and their grade level, and when he asked difficult child 2 for his last name and put it down, there was a mistake in the spelling that made a funny word. difficult child 2 says that when he tried to correct the spelling (and it sounded like he was annoyed at the humor everyone found in the error) he was told that this would be his new nickname. And despite his objections he claims he was told that was just too bad and that's what they would be calling him and everyone got a good laugh at his expense.
Naturally, with his history of being bullied and ostracized, not to mention his mental health issues, he is VERY sensitive to ribbings from people he doesn't know that well. If it's someone he KNOWS is a good friend, or a family member, he can take it. Probably because he knows that there is an underlying love/respect for him that endures above all else. But with strangers, that's a much taller order and it really cuts to the core of his insecurities.
Now this technically is a form of bullying, though some would argue it's not. But whenever you do something to someone that they don't like, that makes them stand out conspicuously from the group, and it's upsetting to them and they ask you to stop but you keep doing it? That's bullying. Being the Mama Bear that I am when it comes to stuff like this, I fired off a polite but succinct email to the head coach since I have no knowledge of how to contact the assistant, and addressed the issue, took time to explain briefly difficult child 2's challenges, and requested that they refrain from using nicknames without difficult child 2's expressed consent. I also asked for their patience with him because of the challenges he has and said how much he was looking forward to being part of this team.
I did cc the school's Athletic Director (whom I know very well from my work on the exec board for the LAX team) because I felt that he should be aware of this kind of behavior, the school psychiatric (because she's working on updating difficult child 2's messed up IEP that was sent over from the middle school) and difficult child 2's counselor since I figured she should probably be aware of this first bump in the road.
Within about an hour I got a call and from the head coach but had to let it go to our machine because I had company at the time. Later he also sent an email reply making sure I had his number, and I replied late last night after my guests left that I'd contact him today. Which I haven't done yet but am gearing up to do it.
Hopefully he's on the same page and I don't get some kind of mamby pamby back pedaling that puts it all back on difficult child 2. This guy is a young 20-something who's barely out of high school himself, so we'll see how he faces this issue...