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Horrible horrible day
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<blockquote data-quote="flutterby" data-source="post: 321792" data-attributes="member: 7083"><p>Thank you all so much. There just aren't words....</p><p></p><p>I am not thinking about hurting myself. I'm not to that point....yet. And I'm trying to not get to that point. I just want to run away and be left alone. It's just that the littlest things - day to day things - are overwhelming.</p><p></p><p>I went with Christian to his therapist appointment - same therapist - and even though we didn't talk about me, I felt better after seeing her again. I think had I gone in by myself, I wouldn't have been able to open up at all. I would have completely shut down. I couldn't even look anyone in the eye.</p><p></p><p>Funny. Doctors have spent the last 2 years when I haven't been depressed blaming my pain and illness on my history of depression. And now that I'm depressed, my pain is lower than it's been in 2 years. Let them take that and put it where the sun don't shine.</p><p></p><p>Even my mom said to take Devon's appointment next week, which surprised me because Devon is the favorite. I'm hoping, though, that she'll have a cancellation sooner - she usually does - because his appointment isn't until next Thursday.</p><p></p><p>I'm more calm now than I was earlier. The instability seems to come and go. When it comes, it's just really hard - oppressive.</p><p></p><p>I really, really hate depression.</p><p></p><p>On a good note, therapist is really impressed with the progress that Christian has made, so at least it seems I can do *something* right.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterby, post: 321792, member: 7083"] Thank you all so much. There just aren't words.... I am not thinking about hurting myself. I'm not to that point....yet. And I'm trying to not get to that point. I just want to run away and be left alone. It's just that the littlest things - day to day things - are overwhelming. I went with Christian to his therapist appointment - same therapist - and even though we didn't talk about me, I felt better after seeing her again. I think had I gone in by myself, I wouldn't have been able to open up at all. I would have completely shut down. I couldn't even look anyone in the eye. Funny. Doctors have spent the last 2 years when I haven't been depressed blaming my pain and illness on my history of depression. And now that I'm depressed, my pain is lower than it's been in 2 years. Let them take that and put it where the sun don't shine. Even my mom said to take Devon's appointment next week, which surprised me because Devon is the favorite. I'm hoping, though, that she'll have a cancellation sooner - she usually does - because his appointment isn't until next Thursday. I'm more calm now than I was earlier. The instability seems to come and go. When it comes, it's just really hard - oppressive. I really, really hate depression. On a good note, therapist is really impressed with the progress that Christian has made, so at least it seems I can do *something* right. [/QUOTE]
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