Hospital just called

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, Oct 24, 2011.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    They said I refused to let difficult child attend their school time, I said no, I refused to allow for an open dialog from school and hospital. He doesn't have any homework, only reading 5 minutes a night and recording it. I will bring that form for them. They said, well it is crossed out, I said I was not even handed any forms about school. They said they will allow verbal consent for him to attend and will just have me sign later. that it is a separate form from the exchange of info release. HMMM??? I can imagine difficult child feeling left out if everyone else got to go to "school". Yikes. Glad they called but wonder why they did't explain there were separate forms? Oh well.

    Did any of you have kids who were so mad that the couldn't get over it? I am so worried that this was a HUGE mistake and that he will be so stuck in being mad at me that he can't come back to normal. I know it sounds silly given he has a good life and loves what he does every day (with the exception of the meltdowns at times) so.... I just am scared. I woke with my heart pounding. I did make sure I ate yesterday because I knew I was forgetting. Nothing tastes good, I just have to do it like taking medicine.

    The nurse asked if I was ok when I cried (the first time they saw me cry at all) I said I was fine just sad about how he felt and i think I have a right to feel sad about my son. He was ok with that answer.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    When I admitted Nichole I seriously worried she'd never get over it. Don't get me wrong, she needed to be admitted in a huge way, it's just........yeah. Cincy's children facilities are pretty darn good. But still, she was grouped together with other teens that most were far worse than she was and she didn't take it well those first days. Add to the fact she'd given birth only a couple of days before......

    The staff working with Nichole were great, helped her see why the decision had been made to admit, a decision she'd helped with, why it was important. husband and I were up there with the baby every single day, and when they were allowed the entire family went including her now husband.

    Her anger was triggered by fear we'd just leave her there. Being there whenever we could helped ease that fear and her to work through the anger it triggered. Which helped her work with staff on ways to gain stability........and got her back on her medications in a controlled environment after 9 months of nothing.

    His anger is probably fear based at least to some degree. If you and staff could work together to ease his fears......the anger will probably dissipate. At 14 he's old enough for everyone to sit down and explain to him why the admit was necessary and how it can help him once he returns home. Hopefully that will make him more cooperate with staff and make his stay shorter.

    I know it's hard, but use at least some of the time of his hospital stay to recharge your batteries too.

  3. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    I can imagine a little of how hard a time this is for you, buddy. I have no knowledge or experience of this area to offer you but what came to mind when I read your post was my son's reactions when he is angry or upset. It seems like a volcano is exploding - and five minutes later, he can snap out of it and start playing with his cars, singing to himself! Given that you have said your son's developmental level is on a par with six to nine year olds, it seems very likely that once he is back at home with you and in his old routine (insh'allah), all will be forgotten. But you have a ways to go between there and here... Hugs to you.
  4. keista

    keista New Member


    I know about the kids getting "stuck" My son hasn't gotten stuck on anger at me, but other things, and unfortunately I can't get him out of that place. Do like Hound suggested and start working with the staff ASAP on getting him "unstuck". With autism, the longer that "stuck" lingers, the harder it will be to get out of it.

  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    completely my fear! oh my.
  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Buddy, First off (hugs) for your hurting heart. Secondly, don't fret over the unsigned forms. The issue is taken care of now and chances are that they didn't give you the form in the first pace. Even if they did and you misread it it is OK. You were worried, stressed, and likely not processing all that was being told to you at the time of the admit. That is normal and the hospital sees it all the time.

    As far as your son's anger it is a typical response when these kids are confrounted with any change. Will it dissapate over time. Likely yes, but you may need a couple of sessions with a therapist to help facilitate that. For now take care of yourself and recharge your batteries. This hospital stay is a respice for you also. And speaking of respice, I have forgotten, do you have some when difficult child is home? Really it is vital for your health. Raising up and Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) child is hard work. Close to impossible to do alone. If you don't have any respice time maybe you shoud take this opportunity while he is away to set it up. Even just two hours a week where you can go and do something just for yourself is helpful. -RM
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My daughter told me "I will never ever speak to you again" when I made her leave our house.

    We are the best of friends now.
  8. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    When my kids get stuck on something there are a few things I do. I don't know if they'll work for your difficult child. First, I try to get them to talk it out. Try to get them (especially difficult child 1) to realize its not logical. If that doesn't work I try distraction. If that doesn't work I change their routine. Sometimes their emotions are part of the routine (this is the time I get angry) and changing the routine confuses them so they don't where to stick in the angry/scared part of the routine. My kids get stuck on scared not anger. Maybe you've already tried all of the above.
  9. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I agree with not allowing the school and psychiatric hospital to talk. But he is likely spending 3 hours or so in the school room, it would really help them if you could ask his regualr teacher to make a packet of review worksheets for him so that he has something to do. Otherwise, they are likely to give him whatever they have lying around and hope that it is at the correct level. Depending on how your insurance is, the psychiatric hospital might want to bill your school district for the school time. I never permitted it and there was never a problem but just a heads up as if you refuse to let them bill the school district, in threory they can then bill you but I never had that happen.
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    ok I'll keep that in mind. I did already even before that call email his sp. ed teacher and we get along great. I told her when I know the plan I will call and ask her for some worksheets and reading sheets for him. He does all classes with her and so it is easy to get stuff. They do already have his IEP, BIP and assessment which shows his current levels of everything. They have the sp. ed teachers from that district there so if he stays we will allow communication for academic purposes only.
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Really good. thanks, yes I think all of this works great for him...but I have no ability to do that with him right ow. I show up for the short visiting times and he says e doesn't want to talk to me or see me and says can you go now. that's that. will have to wait till we see them tomorrow at 11.
  12. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Well.....the honest answer is....possibly. He probably will not get stuck on being mad at you over phosph - but as he becomes more and more of a teenager he might start targeting you with his anger since you are the only one that loves him enough to help. It is very common, especially for boys of single moms, for them to suddenly decide that Mom is the reason for every single thing that is bothering them.

    Matt got caught in a horrible repetitious pattern of taking all things out on me. I let it go on way too long, until it almost became enmeshed into our style of living. It came to an end the day he punched me in the back and floored me. He was 17, and 6'2, and he had to leave the home once it became physical. In that respect the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was good because it broke his pattern of abuse.

    Now he looks back on that period of time, and feels unbelievable guilty. His guilt about how he treated me in the past is almost hindering his every action he has in the present. It is sad. Truth be told, if there was really guilt to be assigned it should be to me for allowing to go so long. I think we both feel horrible - and yet at the time - we were locked in this very dysfunctional pattern and I didn't know how to make it stop.

    So not to upset you more - but just realize there is the possibility that as he matures he will want to use you as his release for his anger. It cannot be taken personally, and you will not lose him as your son who loves you - he just might take a temporary detour.
  13. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    i cant help much with the mad part, but wanted to let you know that very often, the reason for "school" has nothing to do with "school". its really an observable time to try to identify triggers/behaviors/stresspoints etc and to see if there are any blatant red flags or learning differences that are exacerbating problems. its not really so much about following thru for your home school (i guess if someone was there for a long stay they'd need to actually continue their education so the dont fall behind, and i guess it all depends on the kid too).

    sometimes its useful, sometimes not.

    its helpful to consider it part of diagnostics. just thought i'd mention it in case it wasnt very clear.
    (i too would NOT allow comm. between psychiatric hospital and school so i think you did the right thing there!)

    thinking of both of you.
  14. buddy

    buddy New Member

    It is good for me to keep it in mind. I am hoping that though this happened due to the medication reaction, he actually does get the message that I wont allow that at all. No matter the reason my job is to keep us safe and that is exactly what I want to do. But I admit there are times when I think what is that line? I know I will not call 911 for every little extra shove past me as we go up the stairs so he can get to the door first. I think there will be a testing period and it may be even what he is doing now in the hospital with his little fake jabs etc.
  15. buddy

    buddy New Member

    ok...we have a plan. SOOOOO the first doctor we were assigned to they decided to switch even before we met him...they switched to a guy we actually already saw a little over a year ago just as a consult so that we had someone on board if we ever were in this position. He worked at the children's specialty hospital. that neuro and new psychiatric work at. But he left...and now he is at this place so I reminded him we already saw him! Ok so the pediatrician started talking to me about Lithium last year. Now our docs and this new one think so too. They feel that since it bypasses the enzyme system it is a good choice. They are first going to do a full ekg and all of that stuff to make sure he is healthy enough to take it...then will start tonight. I am so glad they are not jumping off the deep end and stopping everything etc. We still want to eventually replace the clonidine with Tenex but that can wait till summer. It is not because it doesn't work, but because he is on too high a dose and the clonidine plus the concerta at that level can cause heart problems. Also thyroid problems. so they are gonna check everything.

    I asked the doctor if I can take him to therapeutic horseback riding on thurs and sun and he said that is a good plan and that on sunday they will even do an overnight pass so we can see how home goes.

    He talked to me for 45 minutes and answered everything and thought his school stuff and what I sent (I wrote a letter and I am sure it was overkill but...) He said that what I sent has helped them on the unit very much.

    I was told our doctor was not back till tomorrow but this doctor is friends with her and just called her cell so they decided this together. Yipee.

    Now, here we go again. if it doesn't work.... this doctor said, you know, we work with lots of kids like this and the fact is they are bain injured. they are going to need accomodations always. I said I have been saying that to people for years and he can just come with me to the school admin and tell them too. He said ok.

    huge thanks and will be a little roller coaster I am sure so thanks for indulging me and listening.... you all are great.
  16. Chaosuncontained

    Chaosuncontained New Member

    So glad to see this last update!! Bet you are able to take a deep breath. I am thinking of you and him.
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a very productive meeting and plan, Buddy.
    And you've gotten some great feedback here. Just wanted to send hugs.
  18. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Such a positive turn. I'm delighted that you have an informed and caring team now. Hugs. DDD
  19. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Oh I hope everything goes well.:congrats: face picked out by difficult child 2.
  20. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Glad your team is all on the same page. Hope things continue progressing in a good way.