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House Rules? Ideas needed
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<blockquote data-quote="LittleDudesMom" data-source="post: 65389" data-attributes="member: 805"><p>cathy,</p><p></p><p>i don't know the details of your difficult child's past - not sure whether he's in juvie or Residential Treatment Center (RTC)....... but my first gut thought is that this list is really long and really tough. I know you want to make sure that rules are understood from the jumpstreet but, I prefer the mutual respect, mutual support, and mutual responsibility that Marg speaks of.</p><p></p><p>I think any teen, easy child or difficult child, when presented with list like this would be overwhelmed. I have a really good easy child and if I gave her a list like this I think she would freak - even though she does everything she is supposed to. </p><p></p><p>I understand the no drinking, the drug tests, the no violence issues but, for example, the money, friend association and daily room checks are a little iffie to me. Why set forth the issues regarding money in this list? It just makes the list longer and more intimidating, in my opinion. It's going to be really hard for you to inforce the friend issue and it sounds like a rule just begging to be broken. The daily room checks seem a little intrusive to me. It's one thing if you are forced to do drug checks, but to make him keep his room just as you keep yours seems a little harsh. My easy child doesn't keep her room perfect but she also knows that Sat morning it's clean time and she does nothing else until it's clean. I'm a neat freak and she actually defended herself really well one day by letting me know that her room was her refuge and her only area that she felt was really hers. Having clothes on the floor didn't bother her and it's not like she had trash and food and dishes up there (not allowed in our house). So we reached an agreement about the once a week clean of her bathroom and her bedroom.</p><p></p><p>Again, I don't know the past information on your difficult child, but I just strongly feel that some of these things are expectations that may not be productive to all of you living peacefully in the house again. Allowing him the opportunity to make some of the rules or consequences may also be a good plan. Since it seems you feel he won't be coming home really soon, perhaps you could try and look at the list with his eyes.</p><p></p><p>I must admit that it seems really long to me and probably self-defeating to a teen, but again, I don't know the story. Another suggestion, you might want to post this over on the "teens and substance abuse" forum. They might have some suggestions and experiences that have worked for their teens.</p><p></p><p>Sharon</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LittleDudesMom, post: 65389, member: 805"] cathy, i don't know the details of your difficult child's past - not sure whether he's in juvie or Residential Treatment Center (RTC)....... but my first gut thought is that this list is really long and really tough. I know you want to make sure that rules are understood from the jumpstreet but, I prefer the mutual respect, mutual support, and mutual responsibility that Marg speaks of. I think any teen, easy child or difficult child, when presented with list like this would be overwhelmed. I have a really good easy child and if I gave her a list like this I think she would freak - even though she does everything she is supposed to. I understand the no drinking, the drug tests, the no violence issues but, for example, the money, friend association and daily room checks are a little iffie to me. Why set forth the issues regarding money in this list? It just makes the list longer and more intimidating, in my opinion. It's going to be really hard for you to inforce the friend issue and it sounds like a rule just begging to be broken. The daily room checks seem a little intrusive to me. It's one thing if you are forced to do drug checks, but to make him keep his room just as you keep yours seems a little harsh. My easy child doesn't keep her room perfect but she also knows that Sat morning it's clean time and she does nothing else until it's clean. I'm a neat freak and she actually defended herself really well one day by letting me know that her room was her refuge and her only area that she felt was really hers. Having clothes on the floor didn't bother her and it's not like she had trash and food and dishes up there (not allowed in our house). So we reached an agreement about the once a week clean of her bathroom and her bedroom. Again, I don't know the past information on your difficult child, but I just strongly feel that some of these things are expectations that may not be productive to all of you living peacefully in the house again. Allowing him the opportunity to make some of the rules or consequences may also be a good plan. Since it seems you feel he won't be coming home really soon, perhaps you could try and look at the list with his eyes. I must admit that it seems really long to me and probably self-defeating to a teen, but again, I don't know the story. Another suggestion, you might want to post this over on the "teens and substance abuse" forum. They might have some suggestions and experiences that have worked for their teens. Sharon [/QUOTE]
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