How about this for natural consequences?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by flutterbee, Mar 8, 2008.

  1. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    We are in the middle of a snow storm. easy child is almost 17 and his friend, R, is 17. They were hellbent on walking down to the end of the street to McDonald's.

    Let me back up. I wake up to Devon telling me they are going sledding. I wasn't even fully awake and I asked him how he was going to get there. They were going to drive. No, you're not. Why not, he asks. :hammer: We argue about that, then he says, 'fine. we'll walk.' Then I ask him where they are going to go sledding. He tells me the place and I tell him that you can't sled there. He asks why not. Ummm..because they have signs up that say NO SLEDDING. Oh.

    So, then they are determined they are going to go to McDonald's. He thinks they are going to drive. I told him that not only could we not get the car out of the driveway, there's a level 3 snow emergency. They're not driving. It's a level 3 for a reason - because it's dangerous. You can get ticketed or even taken to jail for driving. Besides, I told them that I doubted McDonald's would even be open.

    They're determined. They want an adventure. McDonald's is down at the end of the street so they're going to walk. Fine.

    They call me later to tell me that McDonald's was open, but they had to walk through the drive-thru (the lobby is closed, but the drive thru is open during a level 3 snow emergency...whatever) and as they felt successful about that, they were going to Kroger. They were already on their way. I could not get them to turn around. We're fine, Mom, blah, blah, blah. I told them if something happened I wouldn't be able to get to them and to call 911. Sigh.

    They call me from Kroger feeling victorious. Not only was Kroger open there were people shopping. They said they were going to hang out for a few hours and get a ride home with D who was working and who is another semi-resident of mine. They got there at 2:00.

    Devon just calls me and wants me to come pick them up. I tell him I can't. Why not. Because I can't get the car out of the driveway. I told you this a dozen times. No, you didn't. Yes I did. Stop yelling at me, Mom. Well, I told you not to go, I told you I couldn't come get you. We hang up.

    I calm down for a few minutes and call back. R answers. I ask him how they are going to get home. He gets really snotty and says, well, I guess we're going to have to walk. I asked him about the ride with D. He said that wasn't going to happen. Why not. Real snotty again, Because we're not going to ask D's manager for a ride home. I told him to give the phone to Devon.

    I told Devon that I told them not to go. I told him that I wouldn't be able to get him. I told him that it was a level 3 emergency for a reason and that it didn't apply to everyone BUT us. I told him I resented him expecting me to come get him when I told him repeatedly that I couldn't and that I really resented R's attitude. That kid is here everyday and I haul his butt all over the place.

    They're going to be cold, wet and tired when they get back. Too bad.
  2. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    I'm right with ya! easy child wanted to go sledding with a friend.....ummmmm..."how are ya gonna get there?". His answer..."his Dad is going to pick me up". Ya know....they just don't "get it". It's a blizzard warning for a reason.

    OK....LMAO....McDonald's has the DRIVE THRU open????? Lobby closed? Now that makes sense during a level 3. Only in Ohio huh?

    OK....we are down to flurries......YIPPIE!!!! I'm a bit tired of shoveling. Good exercise, but I would rather be enjoying spring!
  3. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    They made it back. They're undressing in the foyer (fortunately they were wearing layers). They have snow above their knees on their pants. I bet their feet are cold.

    Devon tried to give me attitude when he got home; saying they didn't want to have to walk. Too bad. So sad.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I wish we were down to flurries. We still have snow.

    Heather, the boys are gonna learn a valuable lesson. Believe me.

    I was about 12 or 13 when we had a major blizzard hit in central Illinios. Two and a half feet of snow not counting the drifts. Mom was out of something or other. Having a major bout of cabin fever, I volunteer to walk the two (largish) blocks down the road to get the stuff for her. I get al bundled up....fleece lined coat, fur lined boots, gloves, hat, scarf.

    Two blocks. No hoo hoo.

    Trudging thru the snow was exhausting. I made it a half a block and needed to sit and rest. I wound up sitting in a drift. If I remember I had to sit 2 or 3 times each way. Took forever to get to the store. Once there the cashier wouldn't let me leave til she gave me a snack and a cup of cocoa. Then berated Mom for letting a child out in such weather. lol

    Of course, the windchill was also 30 below zero, which we didn't know til later.

    I NEVER volunteered to do that again. But I did have to walk 8 blocks in a later blizzard to get to work at the hospital because so few employees could make it in. I didn't leave until roads were clear enough to pick me up. lol

    I just checked weather bug, windchill is 5 degrees. Yep, he'll be freezing, exhausted, and wet. Odds are he's had his fill of such "adventures".
  5. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    If Ohio is like Indiana all the snow plows get coffee at McDonalds so you better believe the drive thru's will be open. There is a woman who lives down the road from us who is a manager at McDonalds and for some odd reason the road is plowed early to her drive....??????
  6. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    Hmmm...guess I never thought of the snow plows. AH I get it! :D
  7. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I'm thinking his fill of adventure hasn't been met. He just asked me if Speedway carries 12 packs of Coke. I guess he's running low. Speedway is down by McDonald's. Sigh.

    He gave me attitude when he got back which I already mentioned. Said he didn't know I couldn't get the car out of the driveway. Well, if you had to shovel the snow for the dog and the dog is taller than the bottom of the car, how do you think I'm going to get the car out. Even if the neighbor guy plowed it, they haven't plowed the street. And even if they had, it's a level 3 emergency. Did you think about me getting stuck or ending up in a ditch and the possible damage to the car and towing expense? Or how about what I would do if I got stuck? With my hip, I wouldn't get very far in this snow.

    Yeah, he didn't think about those things. I told him how R is always here and I feed him and cart him all over the place and the attitude he gave me really ticked me off. And why am I the only person available to pick them up (as always)? R does have 2 parents.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    R sounds like Nichole's currently ex best friend N. I spent more time, effort, and gas taking them around town, or picking her up so she could see Nichole, or giving her rides....... The girl's parents never took her anywhere. In their case I know it was laziness. They'd let the girl walk in the middle of the night and in some of the worst weather.

    Since the boys don't seem to appreciate your generousity, maybe backing off on the transportation for awhile will help them see the light....or maybe even get his parents to do some of it.

    I'd be hard pressed to give my own difficult child a ride after getting attitude, be darned if I'd do it for someone elses kid.

  9. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I'm going to give them time to recover their energy them put them to work shoveling the driveway. :devil:

    R's parents are divorced and his mom works 2 full time jobs so I know she isn't available often and so I generally don't mind. There have been times when they've awakened me to take or pick up R or when I've put off taking medication so I could cart him somewhere only to discover his mom was home and that ticks me off.

    He has 3 friends that always need a ride here and home and their parents are almost always home. That just floors me. I typically don't mind it so much in R's case, but when I do all that and then get the attitude it really irks me. He is a pretty good kid, but he does seem to have a sense of entitlement.
  10. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    Hmm, I am very grateful we did not get part of this blizzard, i still have 5 ft drifts from the last ones.
    Our McDs will not permit people not in cars to be at drive thru window. Nor will our banks, or any other drive thrus.
    When I worked at county nurseing home, dureing a weather emergency, staff was not permitted to leave worrk at end of shift..they set up cots in rehab room for staff.and for staff that called to say they could not make it in? the facility called county sheriff who sent snowmobiles to pick them up. LOL.

    I know my kids donot understand the finer points of a snow emergency, nor do they ever understand when the electric goes out, LOL- they say hey lets watch a movie, mom, make some microwave popcorn. Um Duh? hello? LOL.

    My oldest difficult child - her "friends" - none of them have cars or phones at all-neither do their parents.....and let me tell ya, it got old fast! THankfully I often used the excuse- um, hey we have a tiny car (Neon) and gosh I have to bring youngest son with in his car seat---plus difficult child to direct me to your house..and gee, becuz of seat belt laws etc..there is no more room in my car to pick anyone else up! LOL.
    I got especially ticked off recently when I gave difficult children boyfriend a ride in my bug, he got in the car and complained I shoulda got a 4 door. Hmm, oh really? well, if my 2 door does not suit you, you can just climb your body right back OUT.

    I was also very annoyed one time when easy child got a friend of hers a scholarship to go to a leadership training seminar, downstate. Friend also then needed a ride there and back. well, we were going, BUT we were detouring to visit friends of mine en route, and sleeping over a nite. And we were gonna goo sitesee one day on way home. Plus I smoke.
    PCs friends mom reluctantly still persisted in me driving her kid-----and agreeing to MY schedule, but, when it was time to go, called with "an emergency" that kept us from leaving till just enough time to get the kids there on time. ANd then continued to call nonstop at the end, when we were bringing the kids back home, demanding I "hurry up" becuz she wanted her kid home to babysit. NOW. So- we wound up NOT isteseeing on way home, either. Plus that mom did not send money for meals on the road, nor any gas help-----and then complained her kid smelled like cig smoke from being in my car. (turns out we later found out that kid secretly did smoke)
    I was LIVID.
    I think that was the last time I ever willingly permitted anyone else in MY car. These days someone asks for a ride, I warn them- hey this is MY car, I pay for the car, the gas, insurance, oil changes, I dig it out of the driveway.....I give my time to drive it------you want to ride in it? Fine, it will be on MY schedule- with MY rules------and I can rescind at any moment, so if you still want a ride, I suggest you get in and shut up.

    And I never ever trust anyone anymore to drive my kids, becuz 1. noone ever did even when they said they would- except---2. 3 times with difficult child, where I DID arrange with other parents ahead of time and I PAID them..they still "forgoot" to get my kid. Grrrr.

    I drive MINE-IF I feel like it. LOL. and often for recreational social visits, I say well I will go ONE way....IF your friend wants to see you BAD enogh, they will share the burden of getting you guys together, if not, well, maybe they do not value your relationship as much as you do.
  11. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Oh dreamer, I just hate it when people presume on you like that and then really mess you around because they're not organised.

    I remember easy child's dance teacher - her husband was a control freak who decided to move them from the nice home they were renting, to live in a tent attached to a sort of greenhouse frame covered in plastic, on the block where they were planning to build. They had no amenities at all, I don't know how they got away with it legally. She had to keep all the props and dance costumes in the tent (the dance students paid for the costumes but weren't allowed to keep them) and a number of times thieves and vandals broke in (just by slashing the polythene).
    To wash, they would use the free (cold water only, out in the open) shower at the beach. They had to shower with swimsuits on. No fun in winter, because the house took longer to build than expected. (Our winter - temperatures not lower than about 55 F, but still not pleasant). And no telephone - they used the public phone at the beach to make calls, but there was no way to contact them.

    This teacher arranged to take her niece and her stepdaughter as well as easy child to a holiday dance school. I'd reluctantly said no, because I had an urgent appointment at a hospital on the other side of Sydney, they needed me for tests by 9 am and the pathology was to be flown by helicopter to Newcastle. I was just one of about ten people who were being tested that morning as part of a research project; easy child going to dance school was very low on our agenda.
    Then the dance teacher said, "Let easy child do the dance school; you can drop her off with us at 7 am, we'll take her to dance school and bring her home again."
    So I paid the (large amount for dance school fees) and agreed.

    husband was driving me to the hospital - I was not permitted to drive myself, I needed to be resting in the car.
    We arrived at teacher's 'tent' at 6.45 am, knowing it could take two hours to drive to the hospital.
    Teacher wasn't there. The car was not there. easy child suggested we try the beach - after all, we were a few minutes early.

    We met them as they were walking down to the beach to shower. Then the teacher dropped her bombshell - her control-freak husband had decided to drive himself to work and taken the car. With o phone she hadn't been able to call us, she said. And now she had no way to get to the dance school, which was to be held at a campsite at the end of a very long bush road. And she had to go, because she was one of the teachers. COULD WE PLEASE DRIVE THEM THERE?

    We were both unimpressed. This teacher knew I had to get to the other side of Sydney by 9 am, the dance school wasn't due to start until 9 am and this woman was expecting us to put everything on hold so we'd take them. I asked why she hadn't rung us; she was just about to, she said, when they had their shower.

    husband snarled, "No time for a shower. We hadn't planned on this. This is unacceptable. Yes, we'll drive you, because too many other people will be inconvenienced if we don't, but we leave NOW."
    "Without my shower?" squeaked this woman, but husband insisted.
    "It's badly out of our way. We're going to be really late just driving you to the conference centre, we should have left an hour ago if you wanted us to do this."
    She seemed she was going to argue, so I quickly pointed out, "Bring your towels and stuff, you can get a HOT shower at the conference centre."
    She still took another twenty minutes packing her stuff; we were livid. And husband's estimate was right - the trip to the function centre was on a dirt road and despite him driving like a maniac (the passengers looked green) the round trip still took us an hour.

    Amazingly, the city traffic was good - we must have been between peak hour jams, because I was only 45 minutes late. They were still annoyed with me because they had to delay the helicopter, and a lot of people were mucked around. Luckily I had been able to ring and let them know, otherwise there would have been even more inconvenience.

    What got me about this teacher - she always seemed so helpful, but although she expected her students' parents to put themselves out for the kids, she never gave an inch when she was the one inconvenienced. I remember one night where her husband turned up at her classes to tell her to shut up shop early, he had a work function on and she had to come too. She left the kids standing outside a darkened hall, 45 minutes before the parents were to collect them. And of course, no phone call to let us know. Luckily we'd set up a "phone home" system for easy child with our service provider, she could ring home from a public phone with charges reversed, using a PIN.
    So the kids were only alone for the fifteen minutes it took us to get to them. husband went, while I rang the other parents.

    Yes, our kids quit that dance school. I heard some years later that the dance teacher had got a divorce (and cheered for her), but she was herself a big part of the problem in her own expectations.

  12. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Hope they have fun shoveling. Think it is time to have a talk with R and explain to him he is entitled to nothing at your home and if he ever gives attitude like that again, that's exactly what he will get -- NOTHING.

    Mine was usually the one who got rides. It wasn't that I minding giving rides but most of the parents had vans and SUVs. I had the Porsche and a 4-seater. So, other parents could hold more kids. However, I reciprocated by having the kids over to my house whenever possible. I don't understand parents who leech off of others, especially in this day of rising fuel costs. Never have, never will.
  13. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    my kids know lots of leechy people, and seem to be leech magnets. when the kids were younger I felt more sorry for some of the kids, but, when I get attitude, I gett MAD.
    I do not know how many times I THOUGHT kids were here "playing" and I would gather my kids so we could go to an appointment or out to dinner or whatever and I would tell their friends it was time to go home, and the friends would give me this dumb blank look and mumble- I can't go home- you're babysitting me. HUH?
    and no way to REACH the parents.

    and yes, these days at these ages? I now do tell their friends to pitch in with chores, too. Hey they eat here, they want rides from me.....then they can help bring the groceries in and help shovel the drive way.
    I hope they DID shovel!
  14. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like Miss KT has been at your house! That "sense of entitlement" just drives me nuts!
  15. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    I noticed this in your sig:
    He did. Me.

    Remind him next time he wanders out that he should only walk out half as far as he can walk because he'll have to walk back.
  16. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I'm glad somebody laughed, Sara, cause I sure wasn't. ;) I was not at all amused. Being on steroids doesn't help with irritability AT ALL.

    Whose idea was it to put teenagers in adult bodies and give them the brain of a 2 year old???
  17. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Great question! I hope in the long run they learned from this!
  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    R would be walking home. In the blizzard or whatever. Esp after CALLING me to give me lip!!!!

    I just do NOT understand this entitlement. Sorry.

    DO make them dig out the driveway, the dog's run, and anything else you can think of. They ahve earned it.

    I thought a level three meant you got a ticket just for being on the roads?? Maybe some advanced drivers ed is needed before your son drives again? Cause he clearly didn't get that rule down.


  19. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    They did dig out the driveway. Rather, Devon did and R helped for about 5 minutes then decided he needed to come in and make hot cocoa (which is why I didn't have any clean measuring cups when difficult child wanted to cook something - he used ALL of them). But, they didn't do it until Sunday afternoon.

    I kept reminding them Saturday that the driveway wasn't going to shovel itself and R said that I needed to upgrade to a self-shoveling driveway.

    Me: I don't need to. I have you and Devon.
    R: Yeah, but we've been downgraded because we had to walk.
    Me: (seething) Whose brilliant idea was it to walk all the way to Kroger?
    R: That would be me.
    Me: Uh-huh. I'm not kidding. I want the driveway shoveled.

    Lesson learned. Yep, but not what we would have hoped for. I think the only lesson R learned is that he thinks I'm a meanie because I wouldn't pick him up. I'm not sure if Devon learned much more than that.