How bad is this?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Apr 15, 2008.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    difficult child is off zyprexa- back on medications/dosages that were not working. So, I just checked the computer history to see if he got up during night and used it. Apparently he has developed quite an interest in seeing photos of naked girls and "spanking". How abnormal is this and what on earth can be done about it?
     
  2. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    I think most of that is normal adolescent curiosity. Probably the best thing to do is talking to difficult child about how puberty and change are normal. I would also address the subject of respect for women and how those women are someone's mother,sister,daughter. Humanizing them may make him see them less as objects. I would also address that pain and sex and naked bodies is not love or a loving relationship.
    At this age, his hormones are on overdrive and it's normal and healthy to be curious and want information. As parents, our job is to help direct them from making the leap from curiosity to deviant or harmful.

    If your difficult child is reader, I would get him an age appropriate book for boys and puberty. I know both son's used them to get answers when they were too uncomfortable to ask us about it. I really worked hard to keep the conversation ongoing throughout their teen years because one conversation isn't enough.

    It's always a worry until you know that your child has a normal, healthy sex drive as a young adult.
     
  3. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    It's not abnormal at all for teenage boys to be interested in looking at pictures of naked girls. The problem is that it's unfiltered content and without that context, young ones can get a distorted idea about love, sex and relationships.

    My difficult child used to do this all the time. What we did was:
    1) No unsupervised computer time
    2) Password protect ALL computers that are anywhere he can get to them
    3) At night, yank the network card, or network cable, and put it away somewhere that difficult child couldn't get to it

    Hope this helps,
    Trinity
     
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Well.....(ick)

    I had numerous talks with Dude over the years about how to behave around women. From a biblical sense to a today's teen type of talk.

    Not to be rude but it was like once he found porn on internet? I had to take my computer in 3 times for "bugs" and the man that repairs my computer FINALLY took me aside and said "Did you know the sites are this and that?" It takes a LOT to embarrass me anymore but I swear the stuff that was on my computer was filth.

    And then there was the time that I did supervise/monitor his time and a little geeky friend told him that doing this will get you access to a computer OVER the administrator password and it was on again. So when he ran away - and the cop asked me to look up his friends address? You can't believe what popped up on my screen - I could have melted into the seat...it was beyond words in vulgarity. And there stands a cop who just got done saying he doesn't see a lot of decent folks like US - oh bother.

    Figure out a way to put a lock on the computer -
    Figure out a way to lock up the keyboard and mouse -
    You CAN erase the daily history to hide where you've been but if you have google you can type in a few letters and it will take you to porn sites he has visited. AND you can get software to block this. On your own computer you can set the security ratings to medication-high. But you may have trouble accessing any other sites. net Nanny is a good one to have.

    But taking the mouse, giving 30 minutes a night - AND telling him that you are GOING TO CHECK THE HISTORY archives for the day and there had BETTER be the things YOU went and looked at - in other words - NO CLEAN WIPE - that screams I WAS LOOKING WHERE I DIDN"T NEED TO BE -
    Oh and FYI - you can find those sites that he thinks he erased in your cookies or temporary internet files sometimes.

    I can tell you this - it TOTALLY changed my feelings about Dude. Not because he is human or a man...but because he looks and craves such filthy stuff. Even our psyhc. had nothing to say except (mouth open jaw dropped) about some of the hypersexual stuff he did in our home. I know one thing - no lotion was safe and after one time of having my $23.00 Olay Regenerist disappear - and my heal crack cream disappear? I started locking all that stuff up and sent him to the pharmacy for his own notions.

    I know about it - and I'm not naive - but I did NOT want to know about it - Know what I mean?? His My Space page is disgraceful - I think that place is the scurge of the 21st century. Even last night I had some 30 something year old woman call my house from NEW JERSEY - and ask for Dude. I go to bed at 8:30 - and this was 11:45 - When she asked for him, I asked what this was about and "smartly" she said "Oh I'm just a friend is this is WIFE?" and I said back even smarter "No this is his mother - do you realize he just turned 17 years of age?" - there was a moment of silence and then I said even MORE smartly "So I guess between knowing he's under age AND the fact that I have YOUR name and number on MY caller ID - I won't be hearing from you again or seeing you on his MY SPACE page?" and she laughed and said "No, but he really does sound mature." and I said "Well he's not." and she said "So I can assume the house I've called is not HIS?" and I said "He really needs to get a new story." She apologized and then said she'd be removing herself from the calling list.

    So watch My Space too - and if you have pictures in the computer - Burn them to disk and delete them from your computer or they can get put on the my space too.

    Welcome - WELCOME TO FANTASY ISLAND......

    ARGH

    Hugs
    Star
     
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Trinity's suggestion about how to prevent future curiousity trips is excellent. It worked for Travis.

    The whole naked girl thing is normal. But many of these sites are waaaay over the top in content to the point of making you sick, and potentially giving young inexperienced kids the wrong idea of what "normal" and "healthy" are.

    On the level of bad, I'd place it at typical teen stuff.

    Hugs
     
  6. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Well don't you know? According to my difficult child, computer porn is "just what guys do" and we should all just get over it. :slap: <------wishes that was difficult child's head.

    We started out with a desktop computer. Not really a good one but it worked for emails and such. Then husband got a used laptop so we didn't use the desktop as much but still used it. THEN difficult child took it apart to fix his. Yep, completely disassembled it. And his wasn't even broken. He had taken his apart to clean it and didn't get a wire plugged back in. Anyhoo.... we have since bought a new laptop and if it's not locked up at night, we have passwords on EVERYTHING. He can't even get into the non-internet section of it without us. (Not that I'd let Mr. Destructo near it but you get the idea)

    If I were you, I would lock up anything removable. Keyboard....mouse.....heck, unplug the monitor if you have to. THAT'll teach him! LOL PITA? You bet. But who ever said living with difficult child's was easy?
     
  7. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    We need to remember the BiPolar (BP) aspect of this, and think Hypersexuality. I know some times it is totally easy child... but I would try to monitor it curb it and make sure he knows how to treat and respect all women.
    I think Star has some valid points. We should not be paranoid or freak out, but we should be cautious.
    I have seen plenty of Bipolar men who are flat out pigs... porn, abusive, and go through women. I have seen plenty of promiscous women who have no clue how to treat themselves, or keep it in check when it comes to sex.
    There are warning signs and I would just watch my child... spanking? A little bit much more than just a naked woman. JMO
    I would talk, a lot.
    Considering I have Bipolar Disorder and was pregnant at 13...
     
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