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How Can He Ignore This
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 280983" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>WSM, I think you are doing everything you can at te moment, in terms of planning your exit. Even if tat exit is NOT permanent, there are too many reasons to do this.</p><p></p><p>To pull up stakes and just walk out - I agree, you do this if you can. But if you feel the need to plan, you do that. You will feel more secure if you know where you stand. If difficult child is trying to make you (or your stepdaughter) the scapegoat, then removing yourself from the picture shouldremove any possible 'culprit' status. And of course, it keeps you safe and should lower your stress levels.</p><p></p><p>I have some major concerns. I'd be asking husband his point of view on all of these:</p><p></p><p>1) Who called Crimestoppers? I know it's supposed to be confidential, but I would ask the police to simply check out the possibility that difficult child called them himself. He was TOO ready with his answers, he had no cash on him or other evidence of trafficking (other than the pills themselves).</p><p></p><p>2) How did the pills get into difficult child's possession? And hat about previous times? Where did the pills come from? That is a different question - what I mean is, whose prescription was the source of the pills (Q1) and how did they find their way into difficult child's pocket (Q2). If husband is serious about his concerns for his son, and if he has ANY suspicion that his son is being 'set up' by someone, then OF COURSE a good father should be tearing the place apartto find te answers, or the problems will only continue and escalate. So, what does husband really think on this topic? No more fence-sitting; this is his son we're talking about, someone husband should be fighting tooth and nail for. Again, the police are the ones to ask for support in discovering this.</p><p></p><p>3) When husband reports that the police said "something really smells wrong" about the call and the whole situation - what does husband think was meant by that?</p><p></p><p>And a private question for you - how sure are you, considering husband's elastic attitude in the past towards the truth, that the police actually said this in this way? They may have actually meant something very different. It may have been husband who asked the police to go easy on difficult child.</p><p>Might I tentatively suggest you ask the police for their version of events? Maybe have an off-the-record talk to them about your concerns and see if they can advise you. YOu might find what the police have to say TO YOU to be refreshingly different. Or not - I don't know. But I would be quietly information-gathering right now, because WE KNOW that lies are being told here. We need to know how many lies, and how many people are lying. Because to not know, is to have to live with your own suspicions, as well as doubt being cast on you by others in the situation.</p><p></p><p>This is sounding nasty.</p><p></p><p>Let us know how you get on, on Friday.</p><p></p><p>As for the house - assuming it comes to having to sell the house (and it needn't), there are other options at least in the meantime. husband could pay a partial rent (or full rent) or you could all move out and rent the entire place, while you each rent somewhere smaller separately. Then sell when the market picks up.</p><p></p><p>But you may find that events take a certain direction after you leave, that make the move NOT permanent. For example, if stuff gets stoelen and maple syrup gets poured over everything weeks after you have left, difficult child can't blame you.</p><p>Leaving plenty of wiggle room can be a helpful tool, as long as you have somewhere secure to go to and your hand isn't forced by finances.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like you're not letting the grass grow under your feet. That's good, because the longer you're in this situation, the more this kid can do damage.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 280983, member: 1991"] WSM, I think you are doing everything you can at te moment, in terms of planning your exit. Even if tat exit is NOT permanent, there are too many reasons to do this. To pull up stakes and just walk out - I agree, you do this if you can. But if you feel the need to plan, you do that. You will feel more secure if you know where you stand. If difficult child is trying to make you (or your stepdaughter) the scapegoat, then removing yourself from the picture shouldremove any possible 'culprit' status. And of course, it keeps you safe and should lower your stress levels. I have some major concerns. I'd be asking husband his point of view on all of these: 1) Who called Crimestoppers? I know it's supposed to be confidential, but I would ask the police to simply check out the possibility that difficult child called them himself. He was TOO ready with his answers, he had no cash on him or other evidence of trafficking (other than the pills themselves). 2) How did the pills get into difficult child's possession? And hat about previous times? Where did the pills come from? That is a different question - what I mean is, whose prescription was the source of the pills (Q1) and how did they find their way into difficult child's pocket (Q2). If husband is serious about his concerns for his son, and if he has ANY suspicion that his son is being 'set up' by someone, then OF COURSE a good father should be tearing the place apartto find te answers, or the problems will only continue and escalate. So, what does husband really think on this topic? No more fence-sitting; this is his son we're talking about, someone husband should be fighting tooth and nail for. Again, the police are the ones to ask for support in discovering this. 3) When husband reports that the police said "something really smells wrong" about the call and the whole situation - what does husband think was meant by that? And a private question for you - how sure are you, considering husband's elastic attitude in the past towards the truth, that the police actually said this in this way? They may have actually meant something very different. It may have been husband who asked the police to go easy on difficult child. Might I tentatively suggest you ask the police for their version of events? Maybe have an off-the-record talk to them about your concerns and see if they can advise you. YOu might find what the police have to say TO YOU to be refreshingly different. Or not - I don't know. But I would be quietly information-gathering right now, because WE KNOW that lies are being told here. We need to know how many lies, and how many people are lying. Because to not know, is to have to live with your own suspicions, as well as doubt being cast on you by others in the situation. This is sounding nasty. Let us know how you get on, on Friday. As for the house - assuming it comes to having to sell the house (and it needn't), there are other options at least in the meantime. husband could pay a partial rent (or full rent) or you could all move out and rent the entire place, while you each rent somewhere smaller separately. Then sell when the market picks up. But you may find that events take a certain direction after you leave, that make the move NOT permanent. For example, if stuff gets stoelen and maple syrup gets poured over everything weeks after you have left, difficult child can't blame you. Leaving plenty of wiggle room can be a helpful tool, as long as you have somewhere secure to go to and your hand isn't forced by finances. It sounds like you're not letting the grass grow under your feet. That's good, because the longer you're in this situation, the more this kid can do damage. Marg [/QUOTE]
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