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How can he want to give up when he hasn't even
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<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 9622" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>As usual your advice is very valuable to me. I think I will probably follow a combination of everyone's advice here. If he chooses to stay in prison longer than he has to that is his choice whether he admits it or not. I will write but I will not visit him. If he wants to see me then he will have to get out of prison to do that. I will not feel guilty about that or his plight. He is where he is because he didn't heed my advice didn't internalize the lessons we spent a lifetime tryng to teach him. It isn't our fault. I will not play into his "poor me" attitude. I will speak the truth to him with love but I will not candy coat it. I have no animosity toward him just a general frustration and sadness. I will not be his victim again whether it is intentional or otherwise. I will not sacrifice my own nor my husband's needs in favor of difficult child's. I will ask difficult child the 'then what' questions as they come up. I won't pay for anything I am not absolutely sure will help difficult child get better or survive on his own. I will provide healthy emotional support and help him with paperwork and other executive functions he has difficulty with. I will not take him under my roof but will help him as long as he is helping himself. We have always done the 'do to get' thing with difficult child just not in all aspects of his life but we will begin to expand into that. From reading all the posts reguarding RTCs and other programs I am convinced that difficult child can do as well in an outpatient as in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in spite of what his therapist says. The key piece being that he is vested in the programs he is plugged into. husband and I are allowed to carry him on our new insurance until he is 23 even if he is not in school. We will do that and then if he doesn't have a job with benifits I wil help him apply for public assistance. I have learned much this past year as to what is available thanks to my good friends here on the board. Thank you all for helping me to get grounded each and every time I begin to wobble. -RM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 9622, member: 2315"] As usual your advice is very valuable to me. I think I will probably follow a combination of everyone's advice here. If he chooses to stay in prison longer than he has to that is his choice whether he admits it or not. I will write but I will not visit him. If he wants to see me then he will have to get out of prison to do that. I will not feel guilty about that or his plight. He is where he is because he didn't heed my advice didn't internalize the lessons we spent a lifetime tryng to teach him. It isn't our fault. I will not play into his "poor me" attitude. I will speak the truth to him with love but I will not candy coat it. I have no animosity toward him just a general frustration and sadness. I will not be his victim again whether it is intentional or otherwise. I will not sacrifice my own nor my husband's needs in favor of difficult child's. I will ask difficult child the 'then what' questions as they come up. I won't pay for anything I am not absolutely sure will help difficult child get better or survive on his own. I will provide healthy emotional support and help him with paperwork and other executive functions he has difficulty with. I will not take him under my roof but will help him as long as he is helping himself. We have always done the 'do to get' thing with difficult child just not in all aspects of his life but we will begin to expand into that. From reading all the posts reguarding RTCs and other programs I am convinced that difficult child can do as well in an outpatient as in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in spite of what his therapist says. The key piece being that he is vested in the programs he is plugged into. husband and I are allowed to carry him on our new insurance until he is 23 even if he is not in school. We will do that and then if he doesn't have a job with benifits I wil help him apply for public assistance. I have learned much this past year as to what is available thanks to my good friends here on the board. Thank you all for helping me to get grounded each and every time I begin to wobble. -RM [/QUOTE]
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