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"How can I screw my life up today?"
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 659830" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Lil</p><p></p><p>I am sorry this is happening to you. And to me. Last night I posted a new thread, something like "My son told me he got stabbed and I can't stop shaking."</p><p></p><p>This morning, Cedar asked me how I am and I wrote the following. What I would tell you, cannot be said any clearer than this, which is how I see my own situation:</p><p></p><p>This is the life he wants to live: No rules. No responsibilities. No obligations. Taken care of. So he can use whatever money he has to buy whatever he wants. I see no place in a life like that for me, except at the margins. I think he sees that too.</p><p></p><p>On the phone he said he had not called me because rationally *that is his favorite word, he sees us as getting along so poorly, and fighting so much, that he accepted the reality of the situation.</p><p></p><p>I see it as he wants his rules, and does not want a limit or a boundary and sees such as "fighting" because he fights it. And I think he sees no place in his life for a mother who does let him have pretty much all he wants.</p><p></p><p>I do feel sad. I had hoped my son would "get better." Instead, he seems to be digging in and doubling down. I am seeing no difference what so ever in his way of being from the other DCs on the board, where this goes on to their 30's and then what?</p><p></p><p>My son is older than yours. He is 26. We have been through more, and tried more. For that I am grateful, because there is a kind of clarity that comes from trying everything, and being forced to see that NOTHING WORKS unless they choose it and do it.</p><p></p><p>It has to come from them. If they do not want it, they will sabotage everything. I have been through it and so have you and everybody else on this board.</p><p></p><p>They do not want it, Lil. Yesterday I said to my son, who said he was thinking about going to Montana.</p><p></p><p>Wouldn't it be easier just to go back to college?</p><p></p><p>Why would he ever do that? He doesn't want to.</p><p></p><p>The only thing I have come to, Lil, is that this is his life, not mine. And he is living it, as he chooses. Forget the limitations he has. They are neither here nor there. He chooses this life, and fights to keep it.</p><p></p><p>What can I do? If anybody sees a different course I can take, I would be grateful to know it. Thank you.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 659830, member: 18958"] Hi Lil I am sorry this is happening to you. And to me. Last night I posted a new thread, something like "My son told me he got stabbed and I can't stop shaking." This morning, Cedar asked me how I am and I wrote the following. What I would tell you, cannot be said any clearer than this, which is how I see my own situation: This is the life he wants to live: No rules. No responsibilities. No obligations. Taken care of. So he can use whatever money he has to buy whatever he wants. I see no place in a life like that for me, except at the margins. I think he sees that too. On the phone he said he had not called me because rationally *that is his favorite word, he sees us as getting along so poorly, and fighting so much, that he accepted the reality of the situation. I see it as he wants his rules, and does not want a limit or a boundary and sees such as "fighting" because he fights it. And I think he sees no place in his life for a mother who does let him have pretty much all he wants. I do feel sad. I had hoped my son would "get better." Instead, he seems to be digging in and doubling down. I am seeing no difference what so ever in his way of being from the other DCs on the board, where this goes on to their 30's and then what? My son is older than yours. He is 26. We have been through more, and tried more. For that I am grateful, because there is a kind of clarity that comes from trying everything, and being forced to see that NOTHING WORKS unless they choose it and do it. It has to come from them. If they do not want it, they will sabotage everything. I have been through it and so have you and everybody else on this board. They do not want it, Lil. Yesterday I said to my son, who said he was thinking about going to Montana. Wouldn't it be easier just to go back to college? Why would he ever do that? He doesn't want to. The only thing I have come to, Lil, is that this is his life, not mine. And he is living it, as he chooses. Forget the limitations he has. They are neither here nor there. He chooses this life, and fights to keep it. What can I do? If anybody sees a different course I can take, I would be grateful to know it. Thank you. COPA [/QUOTE]
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