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General Parenting
How did it all go so wrong...again
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 490058" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>I do think this is where things went wrong right away.... I had the pie in my hand so I did not grab it from him, but he grabbed it from me and I pulled back and it was a battle for a second....I did let go and just let him have it thinking exactly that, but since there already was resistance, he did not calm and started grabbing plates and cookies too. If I had been alone I would have just let him stack them until he could hear me a little and we could problem solve as you said, but he was in fight/flight at that point, with others chiming in.... put it down, you can't have all ofthose, etc...</p><p></p><p>Then, in the car...I did not say he had to stay there to punish him... I said it to avoid the triggers again. His mind works like that... even when he sincerely plans not to do something, the smell, sight, etc. will trigger him back into the swearing etc. Remember, he is also brain injured and gets stuck, at those moments it is physical...his neurons are firing...not much to do but ride it out and then he feels terrible too. </p><p></p><p>So, it is not always true that he is not doing well just because he doesn't want to.... for him it is also if he CAN, despite desperately wanting to at times (and others not... he does have typical moments, smile) That has been hard for me to get used to over the years...but a big thing the brain injury experts have helped me to understand. HE has progressed a ton in his ability to problem solve though. And I am getting better to. but yes, we do have a way to go and these days he is still recovering from the trauma and stuck behaviors from the hospital. This very intense kind of I have to stick to my plan or I will die feeling from when he reacts like this. It fills me with sadness, frustration, anger, worry, at those moments, then I calm myself quickly and process it alone or now here with you all. I get over my wanting to take every toy he owns away forever feeling the second I see he turns it around and tries to make repairs. Stinks to be Q sometimes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 490058, member: 12886"] I do think this is where things went wrong right away.... I had the pie in my hand so I did not grab it from him, but he grabbed it from me and I pulled back and it was a battle for a second....I did let go and just let him have it thinking exactly that, but since there already was resistance, he did not calm and started grabbing plates and cookies too. If I had been alone I would have just let him stack them until he could hear me a little and we could problem solve as you said, but he was in fight/flight at that point, with others chiming in.... put it down, you can't have all ofthose, etc... Then, in the car...I did not say he had to stay there to punish him... I said it to avoid the triggers again. His mind works like that... even when he sincerely plans not to do something, the smell, sight, etc. will trigger him back into the swearing etc. Remember, he is also brain injured and gets stuck, at those moments it is physical...his neurons are firing...not much to do but ride it out and then he feels terrible too. So, it is not always true that he is not doing well just because he doesn't want to.... for him it is also if he CAN, despite desperately wanting to at times (and others not... he does have typical moments, smile) That has been hard for me to get used to over the years...but a big thing the brain injury experts have helped me to understand. HE has progressed a ton in his ability to problem solve though. And I am getting better to. but yes, we do have a way to go and these days he is still recovering from the trauma and stuck behaviors from the hospital. This very intense kind of I have to stick to my plan or I will die feeling from when he reacts like this. It fills me with sadness, frustration, anger, worry, at those moments, then I calm myself quickly and process it alone or now here with you all. I get over my wanting to take every toy he owns away forever feeling the second I see he turns it around and tries to make repairs. Stinks to be Q sometimes. [/QUOTE]
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