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<blockquote data-quote="welcometowitsend" data-source="post: 558845" data-attributes="member: 14356"><p>I've had to call the police on him (for my safety) a couple of times in the last 6 months. We have learned that age 16 is exactly like age 18 in most US states. I have no way of sending him to any residential school or treatment program unless he is willing to go. We have a good program very close to us that he could go to but he has to enter it willingly and commit to being there for a year. They require the kids to work full time or go to school, they teach them responsibility and life skills and then help them transition into the real world. The problem is that he has to be willing to go - we can not legally force him to do anything. Maybe if he were in trouble with the law they could force something but he's never been arrested. </p><p></p><p>I am legally allowed to kick him out of the house at 16. I don't want to but I can. At that point he can go to a youth homeless shelter and they will help him get on social services - which really isn't enough money to live on. But he informed me tonight that he has another buddy that's been kicked out and he offered to share an apartment with difficult child.</p><p></p><p>Nomad - We are trying some new consequences now. He no longer has any internet access in our home. I will only drive him to work and home again. If he wants to go out for any other reason he has to walk, bike or take the bus. If the behaviour keeps up the voice and guitar lessons will be cancelled. Other than that I don't have much else except to send him packing. I can't ground him because he can walk out the door and there is nothing anyone can do about it. The police won't look for him or pick him up and he is not required to tell me where he is. I hope these consequences start to wake him up and make him realize how much his father and I try to help him. </p><p></p><p>Calamity - I think that is where husband and I are right now. He has reached his limit and I have not gotten there yet. I'm afraid I'm very close and I hate saying that because I don't want it to be true. But here we are.....</p><p></p><p>Pasajes - Thank you. I wish I could find a place for him. I would do it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately our laws don't let me force him to do anything now that he is 16. In some ways I wish his behaviour had started younger and then we could have used that option before he turned 16. And I to agree that it doesn't make us bad parents to admit we need outside help. </p><p></p><p>Star - Thank you so much for being so candid. I am very glad that your son has turned things around and is doing so much better now. I am definitely not as afraid as you were but my son does intimidate and bully me. He likes to use his size to make me 'uncomfortable' around him. He calls me nasty names. I hate that he comes and goes and lately seems to be gone more than he's home - yet at the same time the house is so calm and peaceful and happy when he is not here. Of course, I hate saying that too but it's true. </p><p></p><p>I keep trying different approaches trying to find something that will work and nothing seems to. He's been seeing the best therapist around for months and it doesn't seem to have changed a darn thing. We have an appointment with him tomorrow night. Not sure if difficult child will go but I will be there to talk to him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="welcometowitsend, post: 558845, member: 14356"] I've had to call the police on him (for my safety) a couple of times in the last 6 months. We have learned that age 16 is exactly like age 18 in most US states. I have no way of sending him to any residential school or treatment program unless he is willing to go. We have a good program very close to us that he could go to but he has to enter it willingly and commit to being there for a year. They require the kids to work full time or go to school, they teach them responsibility and life skills and then help them transition into the real world. The problem is that he has to be willing to go - we can not legally force him to do anything. Maybe if he were in trouble with the law they could force something but he's never been arrested. I am legally allowed to kick him out of the house at 16. I don't want to but I can. At that point he can go to a youth homeless shelter and they will help him get on social services - which really isn't enough money to live on. But he informed me tonight that he has another buddy that's been kicked out and he offered to share an apartment with difficult child. Nomad - We are trying some new consequences now. He no longer has any internet access in our home. I will only drive him to work and home again. If he wants to go out for any other reason he has to walk, bike or take the bus. If the behaviour keeps up the voice and guitar lessons will be cancelled. Other than that I don't have much else except to send him packing. I can't ground him because he can walk out the door and there is nothing anyone can do about it. The police won't look for him or pick him up and he is not required to tell me where he is. I hope these consequences start to wake him up and make him realize how much his father and I try to help him. Calamity - I think that is where husband and I are right now. He has reached his limit and I have not gotten there yet. I'm afraid I'm very close and I hate saying that because I don't want it to be true. But here we are..... Pasajes - Thank you. I wish I could find a place for him. I would do it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately our laws don't let me force him to do anything now that he is 16. In some ways I wish his behaviour had started younger and then we could have used that option before he turned 16. And I to agree that it doesn't make us bad parents to admit we need outside help. Star - Thank you so much for being so candid. I am very glad that your son has turned things around and is doing so much better now. I am definitely not as afraid as you were but my son does intimidate and bully me. He likes to use his size to make me 'uncomfortable' around him. He calls me nasty names. I hate that he comes and goes and lately seems to be gone more than he's home - yet at the same time the house is so calm and peaceful and happy when he is not here. Of course, I hate saying that too but it's true. I keep trying different approaches trying to find something that will work and nothing seems to. He's been seeing the best therapist around for months and it doesn't seem to have changed a darn thing. We have an appointment with him tomorrow night. Not sure if difficult child will go but I will be there to talk to him. [/QUOTE]
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