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How do I deal with the hurt
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 620292" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome Lulu. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is very, very hard, I know. I'm glad you found us.</p><p></p><p>Well, you didn't create this situation. Once your sons reach adulthood, their changes are up to them. Drugs alter personalities and stunt the growth of a young person in the years the brain is still developing. Only your sons can alter the course of their lives.</p><p></p><p>You likely enabled your sons like many of us here, but you also may have been the worlds best parents and done everything right and your sons could still have made these choices. It is wise and prudent and important that you stop the guilt, it will only make you suffer and the truth is it doesn't matter what you did , right now, your sons are adults and they need to be responsible for their actions. This is not your fault. It is the choice of your sons, you can't control that. To the degree that you try you will suffer. I think it best you refrain from the self blame and concentrate on what to do now.</p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. It would also help you to attend 12 step groups like narc anon or CoDa, or family anonymous, to help you begin detaching from your sons behaviors and choices. It may also be helpful to retain a therapist and/or a group for parents where you will get the support you need to make difficult choices, to give you tools to detach, to offer understanding and compassion for all of you.</p><p></p><p>You have to take care of YOU. You must put the focus that you now have on your sons on YOU. We forget how to do that when our kids go off the rails. But in order for you to have your health, your well being, your joy and your life back, you must begin the difficult journey of detachment. There are many wise and very caring folks here who have been in your shoes, continue posting it helps to do that and you will receive the empathy and support you will need so that you can regain your footing and find peace of mind............regardless of the choices your sons make. I know that sounds like an impossible task right now, but with guidance, support and a commitment from you to find that peace, you can do it.</p><p></p><p>Place your sons in the hands of a higher power..............hang in there, as you learn to detach, as you take care of you, as you receive the support from like minded others, you WILL begin to feel better, it does get easier as we learn to negotiate this territory with A LOT of self care and detachment skills.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 620292, member: 13542"] Welcome Lulu. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is very, very hard, I know. I'm glad you found us. Well, you didn't create this situation. Once your sons reach adulthood, their changes are up to them. Drugs alter personalities and stunt the growth of a young person in the years the brain is still developing. Only your sons can alter the course of their lives. You likely enabled your sons like many of us here, but you also may have been the worlds best parents and done everything right and your sons could still have made these choices. It is wise and prudent and important that you stop the guilt, it will only make you suffer and the truth is it doesn't matter what you did , right now, your sons are adults and they need to be responsible for their actions. This is not your fault. It is the choice of your sons, you can't control that. To the degree that you try you will suffer. I think it best you refrain from the self blame and concentrate on what to do now. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. It would also help you to attend 12 step groups like narc anon or CoDa, or family anonymous, to help you begin detaching from your sons behaviors and choices. It may also be helpful to retain a therapist and/or a group for parents where you will get the support you need to make difficult choices, to give you tools to detach, to offer understanding and compassion for all of you. You have to take care of YOU. You must put the focus that you now have on your sons on YOU. We forget how to do that when our kids go off the rails. But in order for you to have your health, your well being, your joy and your life back, you must begin the difficult journey of detachment. There are many wise and very caring folks here who have been in your shoes, continue posting it helps to do that and you will receive the empathy and support you will need so that you can regain your footing and find peace of mind............regardless of the choices your sons make. I know that sounds like an impossible task right now, but with guidance, support and a commitment from you to find that peace, you can do it. Place your sons in the hands of a higher power..............hang in there, as you learn to detach, as you take care of you, as you receive the support from like minded others, you WILL begin to feel better, it does get easier as we learn to negotiate this territory with A LOT of self care and detachment skills. [/QUOTE]
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