How do I get out of going to therapy with-my cousin?

[TerryJ2]

I missed my cousin's last therapy session because I was sick. The therapist called after the session and told me about it, did a recap, and said that to save on phonecalls and time, I should be there.
Frankly, it only took 5 min. and was much better for me to be able to talk on the phone.
This is wearing me down.
My cousin has always been crazy, always lived in la-la land, and always a drama queen.
Any ideas on how I can keep this going?
Or do I need to? Maybe she just needs an Alzheimer's specialist who comes straight to her apt. Is there such a thing?
I simply cannot do this.
I have to call the therapist and tell her that the next appointment in April will be the last time for me. Period.
She keeps telling me to draw boundaries but she's not going to like it when I exclude her from my boundary.

 

[tiredmommy]

Does your cousin have a social worker? If so, that's the person to contact about finding someone to go to therapy with your cousin.

 

[TerryJ2]

Nope.
Should she? She's in assisted living. I can ask the staff there.

 

[Hound dog]

She should have a social worker or a mental health case worker (ours are assigned via county mental health)

At this point, I don't get what therapy is supposed to do for her though??

 

[1905]

You can absolutely do it over the phone. The place where she lives will have phones where you can have a 3-way conversation. You can tell also the staff you won't be involved in her therapy. I'Tourette's Syndrome fine.
And to save on phone calls and time? Too bad, that's their job. This isn't a child where you need to attend.

 

[Jena]

hi

your such a good person...... i would do that ask the staff at assisted living. good idea

 

[TerryJ2]

Yep, I{m going to talk to the staff. Thank you!

 

[tawnya]

Terry,

When my mother in law was in the hospital around Christmas this past year, they assigned a case worker to her (she, too, has Alzheimer's). The only time we heard from her was prior to mother in law's release to see what our "care plan" was. We haven't heard a nary word from her since.

Now, husband has been living with her since that time, but one would think they would check up on the cases once in awhile. Maybe there are just too many.

I understand what you mean about not being able to do it anymore. Right now, I am taking care of my Dad's finances after Mom died, taking my grandma to see Pop at the nursing home every day, and tag-teaming "baby-sitting" with mother in law. I have a whole planner of appts. etc. and it is getting to be too much.

I have other family here in town, but they won't help. When I try and say that I can't do it, and sometimes I really can't, it just doesn't get done.

I know that there are resources out there where people come into the home. The only problem that we've had is that mother in law (and my Pop before he went into the nursing home) is that they tell them to get out of their house and never come back. These are very qualified people, home health nurses, therapists, etc.

I'm having a hard time finding a balance. It will eat you up.

((HUGS)) I get it.

 

[TerryJ2]

Thanks, Tawnya.

I called today. They do not have a social worker. Weird. They{ve got doctors and nurses and cooks and laundry people ...

 

[tiredmommy]

Try the head administrator or nursing supervisor. Who manages cousin's account? Who sees to it that her medications are ordered and delivered from the pharmacy? Who makes sure she gets her hair done?

 

[TerryJ2]

I called the head nurse. She{s the one who told me.

I{ll find the original folder and see who else is listed there.

I have been using an outside service to take her on errands and keep her company, but E. is quitting next week ... to go work at the front desk where P. lives!! So maybe the next person can do that, but frankly, I think it should be someone who specializes in counseling and not a nursing assistant-companion.

I{ll figure something out. Probably just to have the therapist call me ea time there{s a session.

 

[DammitJanet]

Obviously your Aunt is more aware than my mom was but when my mom went into the nursing home I just had a shut down period and the nursing home hated me completely.

I think..no I know...that I had done all that I could do for my mom by the time she had to be placed in the nursing home and the whole facade of going into the home and play acting as if we were this loving family just completely sent me around the bend. I did it for about two weeks and then I just couldnt step foot inside the building ONE MORE TIME.

She didnt have a clue who we were. People would say how wonderful I was, how she was so lucky to have me, how lucky I was to have her...blah blah blah. I couldnt take one more comment and I snapped. I made sure she had her clothes, signed papers as needed and allowed the kids to go see her. Cory went and ate with her a couple of times a month. I just couldnt do it. The staff gave me hell. They called me every name in the book and tried to call adult protective services on me. I beat them to the punch and went to see the head social worker at DSS and poured out my story. They told me that if a report came in they wouldnt take it. I had done my duty. I never heard another thing until they called to tell me my mother had gone to the hospital and died. I didnt even know she was sick but that is for the best. I tried to explain to the head people at that nursing home what our family dynamic was but either they didnt believe me or they just couldnt believe it could happen. I dunno.