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How do I help my friend?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 244332" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Here is the biggest misnomer in the world regarding bad relationships. She's actually USING this man as much as HE is using her. Sad but very very true. And everyone sits and says "Poor thing she had her life together UNTIL ....him, her dad, CPS." and you have to ask "WHO invited the trouble?" Until she starts taking responsibility for HER choices, I'm afraid her consequences will be state agencies making her CHOICES for her, and sadly for her daughters well being also. </p><p> </p><p>With Drughead in the picture she has an excuse to have childlike and irresponsible behaviors. "I'm so stressed out. I can't deal with him sleeping with other women when I am the one that supported him throughout his jail term." ACHHHHH PHOOEY. With her Dad? Okay admittedly she said he was an alcoholic while she was growing up. Why would you EVER take a chance and leave your daughter alone with him?</p><p> </p><p>I'm telling you kid - the RED FLAGS are just screaming in this picture. And once again she's trying to work things out on HER terms and make the world bend to HER wishes and it does NOT work that way. In the mean time she has you and your sister feeling sorry for her situation. </p><p> </p><p>Since you are MY friend and I care about you, I'm going to point out a few things that you may be too close to see. </p><p><span style="color: red">Red flag #1 -</span> She has 12 CPS charges on her already. </p><p>-Wouldn't YOU having that many charges and wanting to keep your child do EVERYTHING you were told to do to improve your life? Not allowing Drugheads back into your and your childs home when YOU had a crack addiction? </p><p><span style="color: red">Red flag #2 -</span> She admits that stress is a trigger for her use. Not verbally perhaps but isn't she sitting around wallowing in the pity of her choices and trying to drag you and your sis into the pity pool? </p><p>-If stupid decisions result in stress, and stress is a trigger for use? Would you really invite a drug dealer to come live again with you and your little girl - you know the one who is getting booze from her Grandpa. And while THAT is horrible - Gosh let's move no-job, drug-dealer boyfriend back in with her and the kid - yeah - NOT AS BAD AS BOOZE....and golly neither is the stress for that kid from what ANYONE knows is the arguing and fighting going on. </p><p><span style="color: red">Red flag #3</span> - She HAS a fantastic support system. (you and sis) but refuses to stay in a medical hospital and is making up lies about CPS to get everyone to feel sorry for her. (I feel sorry for the kid - she has no choice in this) </p><p>-If you REALLY wanted to turn your life around and MAKE a life for you and your child - wouldn't you take the assistance and help that is being handed to you gratis? And would you CHECK yourself out of a place that would help you help yourself? OR would you make up a cockandbull story, and rush back to your stressful life with your drugdealer, no-job, non-supportive in any way that I can see boyfriend and basically pick him over your kids sanity? </p><p> </p><p>NAUGHT UH. RED FLAG WAVING HERE.........LIKE AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER - </p><p>The USS Disaster is afloat once again. Don't go down with the ship. </p><p> </p><p>Gosh Star why don't you really tell us what you mean? Because Bran - this could have been my life with my x and this little girl could end up worse than my son. That's why. </p><p> </p><p>If she's willing to stay committed to getting help and making healthy choices for her and her daughter? Fine - help her. If not? I just can't see not allowing CPS to give this kid at the very least - counseling, and a stable day without arguing and yelling. IT HOOVERS totally and you and I both know CPS isn't always the best answer for a kid - being taken away from your Mom isn't fun - but neither is staying in a home, and watching your parent self destruct. Someone has to be a grown up for that kid. </p><p> </p><p>I'm sorry - passionate about children and it eeks out when things hit a nerve I've suffered through with my x. and - for 5 years allowed my beautiful, loving son to suffer through as well. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs - Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 244332, member: 4964"] Here is the biggest misnomer in the world regarding bad relationships. She's actually USING this man as much as HE is using her. Sad but very very true. And everyone sits and says "Poor thing she had her life together UNTIL ....him, her dad, CPS." and you have to ask "WHO invited the trouble?" Until she starts taking responsibility for HER choices, I'm afraid her consequences will be state agencies making her CHOICES for her, and sadly for her daughters well being also. With Drughead in the picture she has an excuse to have childlike and irresponsible behaviors. "I'm so stressed out. I can't deal with him sleeping with other women when I am the one that supported him throughout his jail term." ACHHHHH PHOOEY. With her Dad? Okay admittedly she said he was an alcoholic while she was growing up. Why would you EVER take a chance and leave your daughter alone with him? I'm telling you kid - the RED FLAGS are just screaming in this picture. And once again she's trying to work things out on HER terms and make the world bend to HER wishes and it does NOT work that way. In the mean time she has you and your sister feeling sorry for her situation. Since you are MY friend and I care about you, I'm going to point out a few things that you may be too close to see. [COLOR=red]Red flag #1 -[/COLOR] She has 12 CPS charges on her already. -Wouldn't YOU having that many charges and wanting to keep your child do EVERYTHING you were told to do to improve your life? Not allowing Drugheads back into your and your childs home when YOU had a crack addiction? [COLOR=red]Red flag #2 -[/COLOR] She admits that stress is a trigger for her use. Not verbally perhaps but isn't she sitting around wallowing in the pity of her choices and trying to drag you and your sis into the pity pool? -If stupid decisions result in stress, and stress is a trigger for use? Would you really invite a drug dealer to come live again with you and your little girl - you know the one who is getting booze from her Grandpa. And while THAT is horrible - Gosh let's move no-job, drug-dealer boyfriend back in with her and the kid - yeah - NOT AS BAD AS BOOZE....and golly neither is the stress for that kid from what ANYONE knows is the arguing and fighting going on. [COLOR=red]Red flag #3[/COLOR] - She HAS a fantastic support system. (you and sis) but refuses to stay in a medical hospital and is making up lies about CPS to get everyone to feel sorry for her. (I feel sorry for the kid - she has no choice in this) -If you REALLY wanted to turn your life around and MAKE a life for you and your child - wouldn't you take the assistance and help that is being handed to you gratis? And would you CHECK yourself out of a place that would help you help yourself? OR would you make up a cockandbull story, and rush back to your stressful life with your drugdealer, no-job, non-supportive in any way that I can see boyfriend and basically pick him over your kids sanity? NAUGHT UH. RED FLAG WAVING HERE.........LIKE AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER - The USS Disaster is afloat once again. Don't go down with the ship. Gosh Star why don't you really tell us what you mean? Because Bran - this could have been my life with my x and this little girl could end up worse than my son. That's why. If she's willing to stay committed to getting help and making healthy choices for her and her daughter? Fine - help her. If not? I just can't see not allowing CPS to give this kid at the very least - counseling, and a stable day without arguing and yelling. IT HOOVERS totally and you and I both know CPS isn't always the best answer for a kid - being taken away from your Mom isn't fun - but neither is staying in a home, and watching your parent self destruct. Someone has to be a grown up for that kid. I'm sorry - passionate about children and it eeks out when things hit a nerve I've suffered through with my x. and - for 5 years allowed my beautiful, loving son to suffer through as well. Hugs - Star [/QUOTE]
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