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How do I let my difficult child Son fail on his own
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<blockquote data-quote="Sunlight" data-source="post: 93313" data-attributes="member: 97"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: mary9461</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> He gets very angry when he is presented with facts that he doesn't want to face. I am usually the one he get angry at. He will yell and scream and show himself and then call back to apoligise. I am so tired of all of it. He has been a handful his whole life. I just want him to be a responsible adult. </div></div> </p><p>Mary, you are a salve for my soul. I feel the very same about my son. I have fought the world for this kid and he still hates me most, then turns into a lil sniffling lil boy again.</p><p></p><p>I have decided to cut my son off, last March I threw him out for the umpteenth and last time. I did help with rent deposit and first months' rent/then he was on his own. he did pay me back what I fronted him. </p><p>he was on his own 4 months, got his 4th DUI and in October was sent to the state penitentiary. so ultimately he lived on his own 8 months and paid his own rent and everything.</p><p></p><p>now he will be in state prison one to two yrs. he is angry with me because he has already asked if he can live here again and I said NO. </p><p>I mean it.</p><p>I love this kid but he is 24 and I cannot live with him. how long can we do this??? for me this was the finish of my financial input for him. </p><p></p><p>by the way his now deceased gramma thwarted my efforts since he was born. she gave him money for nothing all the time and paid him more than he made as a bus boy his first job so he quit. You would not believe the anger I felt for that woman. in time, she was suuporting his drug habit and knew it. I had to stop speaking to her for the last two yrs of my 32 yr marriage.</p><p></p><p>ant's dad participated in having ant be given money, cigs, food, whatever he wanted. </p><p></p><p>sometimes I think people who do not know me must think I am very mean. I want him to be strong and on his own so he can be proud of himself and survive. </p><p></p><p>I wrote him a long letter last week and told him he makes his own choices and they do not match mine. I told him all I had done thru his childhood, I asked him to seek counseling and help.</p><p>the ball is in his court now. </p><p></p><p>I feel much more peaceful admitting I am done. </p><p>I do love him and if and when he can respect me, he is welcome in my world. he can write to me, I may write to him, but I will never support him, get him a lawyer, or in any way help him not feel his consequences.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sunlight, post: 93313, member: 97"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: mary9461</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> He gets very angry when he is presented with facts that he doesn't want to face. I am usually the one he get angry at. He will yell and scream and show himself and then call back to apoligise. I am so tired of all of it. He has been a handful his whole life. I just want him to be a responsible adult. </div></div> Mary, you are a salve for my soul. I feel the very same about my son. I have fought the world for this kid and he still hates me most, then turns into a lil sniffling lil boy again. I have decided to cut my son off, last March I threw him out for the umpteenth and last time. I did help with rent deposit and first months' rent/then he was on his own. he did pay me back what I fronted him. he was on his own 4 months, got his 4th DUI and in October was sent to the state penitentiary. so ultimately he lived on his own 8 months and paid his own rent and everything. now he will be in state prison one to two yrs. he is angry with me because he has already asked if he can live here again and I said NO. I mean it. I love this kid but he is 24 and I cannot live with him. how long can we do this??? for me this was the finish of my financial input for him. by the way his now deceased gramma thwarted my efforts since he was born. she gave him money for nothing all the time and paid him more than he made as a bus boy his first job so he quit. You would not believe the anger I felt for that woman. in time, she was suuporting his drug habit and knew it. I had to stop speaking to her for the last two yrs of my 32 yr marriage. ant's dad participated in having ant be given money, cigs, food, whatever he wanted. sometimes I think people who do not know me must think I am very mean. I want him to be strong and on his own so he can be proud of himself and survive. I wrote him a long letter last week and told him he makes his own choices and they do not match mine. I told him all I had done thru his childhood, I asked him to seek counseling and help. the ball is in his court now. I feel much more peaceful admitting I am done. I do love him and if and when he can respect me, he is welcome in my world. he can write to me, I may write to him, but I will never support him, get him a lawyer, or in any way help him not feel his consequences. [/QUOTE]
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