How do I say this...difficult child pooped on the driveway!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Hanging-On, Apr 4, 2007.

  1. Hanging-On

    Hanging-On New Member

    I can't believe what I just saw. I'm walking along, carrying water for the new trees, when i see in the far distance a bare bottom. I dropped my water pale, ran down to the end of the driveway (AT the street), and there was difficult child crouching in middle of the driveway going to the bathroom right out in the open world for all to see. :grrr:

    Now I would love to have had this reaction.... :rofl: but it wasn't a "oh how funny, a naked little 2yr old running around outside". It's a 7.5 yr old going poop on the driveway next to the street (although it's a dirt road, but still). I mean what is he thinking? ANYONE could be walking by, driving by.

    Well I LOST-IT!! I told him to get to the house NOW, go to his room, and he was grounded!!!!

    Do they purposely do stuff like this to embarass the family? He keeps saying that he doesn't know why he did it, but I really wonder if he was TRYING to make sure someone saw him because when I was building this place and we came out here he ALWAYS went behind a bush he had to go. But today (with a bathroom in the house a few yards away) it had to be on purpose.

    Man I wanted to ground him for life, and then when he's old and grey, add more years to it...... :mad:
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Seems like we are having a similar evening. Ugh!
  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Well, if it makes you feel any better at all, Rob peed and pooped in all kinds of places....even down the THROAT of one of his plastic dinosaur :smile: toys...EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW...and pooped in a "woman's personal stuff receptable" (if you get my drift) in a daycare restroom.

    They just don't think. :hammer:

  4. Hanging-On

    Hanging-On New Member

    No way. Your's didn't do the same thing? Must have done something else, right?
  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Different, she's taken to writing bad words on black boards. Similar because our wonderful children don't use their heads...
  6. Hanging-On

    Hanging-On New Member

    Phew, that would have been toooo weird, like something in the air.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just think ladies...these are the things you can bring up to really embarrass them with their girlfriends or wives later on!

    Trust is worth its weight in gold.

    Cory used to have encopresis and would hide his undies and dirty jeans. He would fight us on bathing sometimes. We took to calling him crusty if he refused to bathe.

    Well now we tease him once in a blue moon if he is getting mouthy and just say the word "crusty" and he gets sooooo embarrassed and tells us to hush. Wouldnt want anyone to know those things ya know.

    Oh payback is hell.
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm soooo sorry. I would be mortified! I don't know what they are thinking, but my personal belief is that somewhere deep down inside, they are thinking. They just don't know how to explain it to us because they know that we will never understand.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    No, kids don't do things like that, that are so inappropriate, thinking "I just want to embarrass mom" in my opinion. I can't imagine that. This child is different and maybe has serious sensory issues that make it hard for him to know when he has to go, and when he gots ta go, it has to be NOW. Or else maybe he's on the autism spectrum and is indifferent to or uncaring of social norms. Something is going on, but don't personalize it. in my opinion, it's not about you, but about him and his special needs. Maybe the help he's getting isn't enough and he needs another evaluation. I recommend a neuropsychologist exam. I'm sorry you had to suffer with that, but my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son, when young, used to pee on our trampoline all the time :smirk: He got a lot of help and never does this stuff anymore and, yes, it embarassed us, but he didn't do it for that purpose. Take care :smile:
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ok, sorry that I missed this the first time. He has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified (autism). So does my son. Believe me, it's related to that. Kids on the spectrum don't think like other kids and often have no interest in social norms or what others will think. Is he getting lots of interventions? Trust me, these kids are QUIRKY!!!! :smile: ANd, yes, it can get tons better, but they need the right sort of help.
  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My difficult child never did it in public but in his room and then played with it and hide it. It used to drive me crazy-thankfully he eventually stopped.
  12. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Any ideas on how to get difficult child to wipe after he poops? I quit buying white underwear, as the stains never come out.
  13. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I don't see this as a grounding issue. But I DO see it as an issue of making him clean it up. Not with any sense of shame (you'd have to ease back on that if you could) but in a sense of, "this is unhygenic, it's untidy and unacceptable. Someone's got to clean it up; you did it, so you can clean it up." I would help, at least so far as showing him where the bucket and scrubbing brush is, helping him get a plastic bag which hasn't got any holes and showing him how to put his hand inside the bag to pick it up, then turning the bag inside out around it, then watching him throw it away.

    it's a sort of extension of delayed toilet training in Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) kids. Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) is often a part of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), we went through variations of this with both boys and to a certain extent with easy child 2/difficult child 2. She especially would get 'it' on her fingers while using toilet paper, then wipe it off her fingers right onto the walls. I wouldn't spank, ground her or otherwise punish - I made her scrub the walls down. I talked her through the steps and thanked her when she was done. We then put some nice-smelling essential oils in the bathroom (which we still do, even now - trickle a drop inside the toilet roll).

    None of what we did was rewarding the behaviour, but it WAS responding with appropriate consequences.

    Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids are often VERY delayed in learning normal toileting patterns. Plus we have a neighbour kid who is supposedly easy child and 8 years old, she's leaving little 'surprises' in various places in friend's houses (her parents refuse to accept this is happening - don't know what is happening at home). And I remember at that age I had a friend who used to do the same thing - I think it was about control. She tried to get me to do it too, because then it made what she did more acceptable because she wasn't the only one. With my friend, and with my young neighbour, there are problems at home beyond the parent's ability to cope, nobody's fault, but there has been a lot of stress and the child is feeling out of control. (mother dangerously ill, ambulances repeatedly called over months, child can do nothing). Not that any of that can justify it - I grew up with a mother who was repeatedly in hospital dangerously ill and I never did it (not even when my friend tried to make me).

    But these things happen. Consider it akin to a toddler with a dirty nappy.

    If you put shame into the picture, you may only drive the secretiveness underground. Although right out in the open like that - sounds more like he was caught short and just didn't think. In which case - he's made a mess, he can clean it up, just as if he'd been making mud pies from garden dirt, right on the driveway. Gotta clean that up too. Same attitude, but throw in the "unhygenic". And maybe offer to put him back into Pull-ups if he can't plan his time to get to the toilet.
    it really does sound like he's not recognising body signals properly let, and thinking he can delay (not wanting to change tasks - typical of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) also) when he really can't.

    And he's not the oldest to do this. A friend from church was looking after her husband, with Alzheimers. Their house was right on the beach and he always loved that beach. She had to constantly watch to make sure he wasn't out on their back lawn (which ran down to the waterfront) stripping off his clothes because it was a nice day and he wanted to enjoy the feel of the sun on his skin.
    Then one day he stripped off on the lawn again, right when she had visitors for lunch. As she was heading out with a robe to bring him inside, she found him squatting on the lawn, stark naked, following the call of nature under very public view - her guests as well as many people on the beach.
    He really was a lovely, kind, gentle man, it was sad to see this happen. But what can you do? He had forgotten what was the right thing, just as I think your son is still learning.

    And crazymama - the stains and getting them to wipe is another matter. A high-fibre diet keeps it less sticky, hence less staining. We have Baby Wipes and a bin available, because it makes it easier to thoroughly wipe clean, but like you we didn't have white undies for a long time. I would regularly apply the sniff test and if the undies were dirty, I'd make the kid take them off, wash themselves down there, then wash the undies out. To help remove protein-type stains, try wetting the stain with vinegar then putting in an enzyme pre-soak. You can use warm water, but not hot - hot water will 'cook' protein (think - boiling an egg). We used nappy soaker for a long time, to work on stains. It also works brilliantly (the vinegar splash etc) on sweat stains and smell.

  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member


    You are dating yourself talking about a nappy soaker...lmao. I realized when talking to Steph recently that most folks with kids under say 12 or 13...maybe even older dont even know what it was like to use cloth diapers!

    I remember deciding if I was going to use cloth or disposables with my oldest...and if cloth...should I get a diaper service...lmao.
  15. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Too right Janet. I wonder if many parents even consider cloth these days? lmao I sure recall washing out my fair share of cloth diapers. ewwwww

    I'd have definately made him clean it up.

    I thank my lucky stars that T never pulled this type of thing on me. Or maybe he should thank HIS lucky stars as I doubt if I'd have reacted kindly to it to say the least.

    Is it me or is there something in the air this month??

  16. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    OK, I'm not THAT old. I just feel it.

    We still have nappy soaking solutions here in Australia. Mostly these days they're being sold for general laundry purpose stuff. I agree, most people use disposables nappies (I did, on all but easy child for the first 12 weeks) but we do have a lot of environment-conscious people who mistakenly think cloth nappies are better.

    We had our consumer watchdog people do some tests some time ago, and when you consider the energy/water expenditure to grow the cotton, the bleaches used, the energy to make the cloth and compare it to the materials/costs in making and disposing of disposable nappies, it's about break-even. There is a new invention which is a blend of the two - cloth pants with a disposable pad insert. Less to dispose of (it's actually biodegradable and flushable) and also less need for constant chlorine use.

    Anyway, I digress - there are many laundry enzyme soakers that will do the job. At a pinch, just splash on the vinegar and then rub with a cake of soap before washing normally. I always cold water wash (environment, plus cost, plus stuff shrinks or cooks in stains in hot water). Also, front loader washing machines tend to give a cleaner result. In the stains in question you not only have protein, you have grease. The soap can help there. The colour - it's bile salts and protein, formed by breakdown of old hemoglobin in the liver. That's why it can cook in if you use hot water.

  17. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Well, this is more than I wanted to know with my morning coffee!!!!!!!!!!!!
  18. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hey, I used cloth diapers on both my children (16 and 11) for the first year or so! Didn't need a "nappy soak" as I had a diaper man (diaper service)!

  19. Karen & Crew

    Karen & Crew New Member

    R didn't "go" in public on Saturday but he did choose the cardboard container his Lincoln Logs used to be in as a toilet and urinated in it. (He said his 4-y/o sister dared him to). I'm not sure where he pooped in the bathroom later but I do know when I went in there later there was poop all over the vanity. I made him clean that up. GROSS!!!
  20. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I am awaiting the day when all this will embarrass my difficult child but when we bring it up, he explodes and gets angry and it's not worth the payback.

    Glad to know I'm not alone.

    So sorry, Hanging On. :frown: